Men Standing Up To Pornography Bridging Men to Personal Values A Narrative Perspective

Narrative Therapy – What is it?  Self-stories /Accounts of Life/ Precious  Stories define identity/ are lost  Sequences of life come to exist – telling  Dominant themes, preferred stories/values  Postmodern: Science / Narrative

Assumptions of Science Modernism  Observation - theory – Dominant “truths”  Renaissance – logic / Freud/ Darwinism  Therapist can share ‘objective knowledge’  Locate roots of distress, causes, mechanisms of relationships  Concepts of physical/Social science  Symptoms, dynamics, pathology

Structuralism  Human Psyche – determined  Structures beyond conscious will/control  Permanent, deep structures/human nature  “Self”/ “unconscious” – universal beyond culture  Structural/ Depth metaphors – absorbed into “therapy” culture  Freud’s metaphors – regression, repression, resistance – Steam era

Narrative: Postmodern/Post- Structuralist/Social Constructionist  Challenges scientific “truths”  Re-consider past, norms, start anew  Behavior can’t be generalized  All knowledge is provisional, biased  There is no “expert” knowledge  Human “self” is not innate  Social/ Cultural factors shape world, actions, and identity

Narrative: Power, Politics and Identity  “There is no ‘universal’ understanding beyond history and society”(Focault,1980)  Maintenance of power/ expert/ specialist  People persuaded to “ interiorize”  “Issues” in therapy – socially constructed  Grieving widow – “unable to let go”  Doting husband – “check on her, cause I care”

Traditional vs. Modern Power  Moral judgement  Desire moral worth  Oppress, repress, limit, impose, coerce  Acts on a defined group  Public banishment, exile  normalized judgement  Scrutinize self/others  Ranking  Surveillance  Scales: Normality  Human expression  Healthy/ Unhealthy

Negative Identity Conclusions: Externalizing Conversations  Deconstruct personal failure  “I’m hopeless, inadequate, incompetent, unworthy, hateful.”  Negative identity conclusions – deprived “truth status”  Thin Identity conclusions: “What is self-hatred talking you into about yourself?

Narrative: Important Principles  Curiosity – start anew, without agenda  Collaboration – decentre therapist  Transparency – “here are my intentions”  Respect – “Would it be okay if I asked you some questions?”  Self-monitoring – Cultural biases

Narrative work with men who use porn  Political / socio-cultural issue  Stories: recruitment/ normalizing  Understand: impact on self /others  Deconstruction of identity claims – male supremacy, entitlement  Give men a place to stand outside territory of abuse

Collaborative Practice  Inviting the men to be at the centre of the conversation along with myself  De-centred worker, increase influence (White, 1995)  Statement of Position on what he wants in relationships and his position on pornography

Initial Intervention Process 1)Statement of Position on Relationship Preferences and Pornography 2)Defining Pornography 3)Impact of Effects of Pornography on his Preferences 4)Define Distractions 5)Taking Responsibility

Statement of Position (White) 1. Define Problem –Experience-near, person’s language (e.g., porn) 2. Define Effects of Problem –What are the effects of the problem on what’s important to you? 3. Evaluate Effects –What are the costs of the ideas/porn on you? Partner? Children? 4. Justify Evaluation –Why do you find the effects unacceptable? What kind of relationship do you want?

Relationship Preferences What types of relationships does he want?  What effect is the pornography having on what he wants?  Who is responsible to stop using pornography?  How will taking responsibility for pornography lead to self-respect and respect for others?  If he takes responsibility, what difference will it make to his partner, children, and himself?

Re-authoring Identity: Shame and Responsibility Person who used pornography  What does it say about you that you feel bad about what you have done?  What would it say about you if you didn’t?  How much courage does it take to face behaviour that you are not proud of?

Definitional Ceremony and Outsider-Witness Responses  Definitional Ceremony  Outsider-Witness Responses  Mapping Outsider-Witness Re-tellings

Mapping Outsider Witness Re-tellings Possible to Know 4.Acknowledging Transport 3.Embodying Responses 2.Describing the Image 1.Identifying the Expression Time Known & Familiar

Outsider Witness Questions  Identifying the Expression As you listen to this man’s story, which expressions caught your attention or captured your imagination? Which one’s struck a chord for you?  Describing the Image What images of his life, of his identity, and of the world more generally, did these expressions evoke? What did these expressions suggest to you about his purposes, values, beliefs, hopes, dreams and commitments?

Outsider Witness Questions  Embodying Responses What is it about your own life/work that accounts for why these expressions caught your attention or struck a chord for you? Do you have a sense of which aspects of your own experiences of life resonated with these expressions, and with the images evoked by these expressions?  Acknowledging Transport How have you been moved on account of being present to witness these expressions of life? Where has this experience taken you to, that you would not otherwise have arrived at, if you hadn’t been present as an audience to this conversation? In what way have you become other than who you were on account of witnessing these expressions, and on account of responding to these stories in the way that you have?