Show and Tell But not the little kid kind!

 Petra saw a woman. She had on old clothes and sat at a desk. She looked like a nice woman. Petra felt like she knew her.  Miss Nelson’s class was terrible.  Freddy had stage fright. Consider these descriptions.

 Petra saw a woman. She had on old clothes and sat at a desk. She looked like a nice woman. Petra felt like she knew her.  Miss Nelson’s class was terrible.  Freddy had stage fright. Do these words paint a picture in your mind?

Now consider these descriptions.

 This person was old-fashioned. She was dressed in a yellow jacket that had dappled fur on the edges, and her hair was pulled back tightly with shiny ribbons. Dangly earrings, perhaps pearls, caught the light. Quill pen in hand, she had paused to look up. The woman was gazing directly into Petra’s eyes. Her expression was knowing, filled with kindness and interest, and she had the look of someone who understood without being told. Petra saw a woman. She had on old clothes and sat at a desk.

 The kids in Room 207 were misbehaving again. Spitballs stuck to the ceiling. Paper plates whizzed through the air. They were the worst-behaved class in the whole school. They whispered and giggled. They squirmed and made faces. They were even rude during story hour. Miss Nelson’s class was terrible.

 It was time for the play to begin. Freddy waited backstage with the fifth and sixth graders who were in the play. They looked at him and smiled. He tried to smile back. But the smile wouldn’t come. His heart started to beat faster. His stomach bounced up and down. He felt funny. Then Ms. Matson leaned close to him. She said, “They’re waiting for you, Freddy. Go ahead.” Freddy had stage fright.

 Don’t just TELL the reader what something looks like, what is happening, or how a character feels.  Give specific information that lets the reader imagine it in his or her own head, bringing it to life in their imaginations. Writer’s Show and Tell

 The puppy was cute. Try it!

What specific details would SHOW how cute this puppy is?

The Smiley-Face Tricks! Don’t forget...

 Three groups of words that are the same structure, such as noun phrase, verb phrase, or prepositional phrase.  Separated by commas  Used to create a poetic rhythm or add support for a point Example: I was so excited that I jumped up and down, cried tears of joy, and plastered a huge smile on my face. NOT a Magic 3: I was so excited that I jumped, cried, and smiled. Magic 3

 Simile  Metaphor  Hyperbole  Personification  Alliteration  Onomotopoeia  Idiom Figurative Language

This is a special type of ending that effectively “wraps up” the piece. One way to do this is to repeat a phrase or idea –perhaps with slightly different words— from the beginning of your writing. Example: I sit quietly on the old wooden deck, watching the birds soar through the humid air. The ocean’s waves are like wrinkles gathered up in place.... The clouds are so delicate, so fragile, yet a single plane could not break their perfect form. I sit quietly on the old wooden deck, watching the birds, the waves, the clouds. Full-Circle Ending

 Include 1 Magic 3  Include a full-circle ending  Include figurative language (at least 3 different kinds)  Ask yourself: Do I use sensory detail?  Ask yourself: is it creative but appropriate?  Ask yourself: Is it sophisticated? Revise your object description.