HOLDEN CAULFIELD’S DIARY Jen Jeon 8-8

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

Early in the day, New york  “I was the goddamn manager of the fencing team. Very big deal.”  I DON’T CARE about my responsibilities to both the fencing team and my school, Pencey Prep.

3:00, Thomsen Hill  “...You were supposed to commit suicide or something if old Pencey didn’t win”  I apparently don’t believe in that. It’s just a stupid old game. No big deal.

A little after 3:00, Mr. Spencer’s, Anthony Wayne Avenue  “All of a sudden then, I wanted to get the hell out of the room”

Later, Pencey Prep, My room  Yes, I DO indeed have a condescending and slightly sadistic attitude sometimes. I like to push people’s buttons and I do not think-- care about the consequences. I don’t care what they say. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

Halfway through the Game, Pencey Prep, the restroom  “Suspense is good for some bastards like Stradlater”  You know, at the beginning, I thought Stradlater was a decent lad. Now that I come to think of it, I think he’s a bastard. I’m just not that into him.

SATURDAY NIGHT

9:30pm, my room  “I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke the goddamn windows with my fist, just for the hell of it.”  I don’t feel well whenever thinking about Allie’s death. Why did God have to take him? I mean, h was a good kid. What did he ever do wrong?

11:00, my room  No one does anything the way they’re supposed to. UGH.  Ok, I don’t like to do things they way I’m supposed to. So what. I’m different.

11:30  I asked Ackley kid what was the routine on joining a monastery.  You know, sometimes I think about running away and starting a new life that doesn’t involve any school or schoolwork.

LATE SATURDAY NIGHT

12:15  I’m going to leave Pencey early.  I’m selling my typewriter. Oh, right, I’m also bringing along the money I got from my grandmother.

Train  I’m on the train to New York... there’s this woman next to me. Looks like a decent lad. Turned out to be Mrs. Morrow, old Earnest’s mother.  You know, I really felt bad for the mother, so i decided to add in some stuff. I told her old Earnest adapts himself very well to things. As in adapting to things Very Well.

Central Park  I asked the cab driver if he knew where the duck in the Park went in Winter, where they would stay, since you know, it’s pretty cold in the winter.  Turned out cab driver knew nothing.  That didn’t really help.

Lavender Room  Met some girls. What was their name? Marty, Laverne and Bernice or something. Danced with all of them. Felt sorry for how stupid they were. There wasn’t anything else to do.

Hotel  Had a prostitute come over to my room after the elevator guy asked me if I wanted one for 5 dollars.  I didn’t want sex. She still insisted that I pay. That woman came storming mad at me WITH the elevator guy demanding 10 dollars. Didn’t want to make a fuss. I just gave it to them.

Sandwich Bar  Met some nuns while I was trying to get my Swiss Cheese sandwich and a malted milk.  They talked about the book Romeo and Juliet.

Sunday

Noon  Left the sandwich bar walked down Broadway. Encountered family walking down the street. Boy was singing “If a body catch a body coming through the rye.”  Stopped by at a record store and bought a recording of “Little Shirley Beans” for Old Phoebe.  Bought two tickets for some play for Sally Hayes.  Went to Central Park to see if old Phoebe would be there

12:45~1:30  Still looking for old Phoebe. Went pass the park to the Museum. Didn’t want to go in though. If Phoebe had been there, I probably would have, but she wasn’t.  Took taxi to the Biltmore and met Sally

2:00  Sally came late; arrived at 2:10.  Went to the theater to see the play staring the Lunts. Sally met an old friend, George something.  Went to ice skate at the Rockfeller Center after the play.

4:00  Talked to her about phonies and how we should run away together.  “You never saw so many phonies in all your life, everybody smoking their ears off and talking about the play so that everybody could hear and know how sharp they were.

Sunday Evening

5:30  After the date, I felt hungry so I went to the drugstore and had my Swiss cheese sandwich and malted milk.  Tried calling Jane Gallagher; there was no answer

6:30  Called Carl Luce, told him to come over.  Went to Radio City. Watched some Christmas movie. Noticed some woman crying next to me. The phonier the picture was, the harder she cried.  Had nothing to do besides watching the movie.

SUNDAY NIGHT

10:00  Carl Luce finally came. Met him at Wicker Bar on 54th street. Had an argument with him, he got annoyed. Started questioning my mental health and told me to try to meet his father who was a psychologist.

11:00  Talked about girls that Carl dated in his life. He got annoyed again.  stayed at the bar after Carl Luce left for his date.  He told me to get a life.

11:30  Called old Sally. The maid got the phone. I insisted that I had to talk to her. They said I couldn’t.

1:00  Was in the bathroom some flitty guy told me to go home. Left the Wicker Bar  Went to the lagoon in Central Park. Accidentally dropped the record “Little Shirley Beans”  Know what? I’m going to sneak home to see old Phoebe.

2:00  Walked home, woke up old Phoebe. Gave her the pieces of the broken record.  Had a long conversation with her.  Old Phoebe guessed right. She guessed that I’ve been kicked out of school again.

3:00  Got some cigarettes from the box on the table before I left.  Old Phoebe and I cried for a long time. Phoebe didn’t want me to go: wanted me to stay for her play.  “she's very affectionate. I mean she’s quite affectionate, for a child. Sometimes she’s even too affectionate. I sort of gave her a kiss”  Phoebe got mad at me. I admitted that I hated school because of phonies.

 Had some weird dream. I was on a cliff on a field of rye, children kept trying to jump over the cliff.  “What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff- I mean if they’re running and they dpn’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.

 Called up Mr. Antolini.  Had no place to sleep and I’m damn lonely. Mr. Antolini was my best teacher. I respect him. He was the first person to touch the dead body of James Castle, the boy who got killed.  “Said I’d flunked out of Pencey, though. Thought I might as well tell him.”

LATER MONDAY MORNING

 Mr. Antolini says that he has a terrible feeling that I’m riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall but he doesn’t know what kind.  Fell asleep while he was talking to me about my future.  When I woke up, “what he was doing was, he sitting on the floor right next to the couch, in the dark and all, and he was sort of petting me or patting me on the goddamn head.”

 Slept at the central subway after I left Mr. Antolini’s house.  Too tired, depressed lonely to act straight or reasonably. Not that I ever did.

Monday

some cheap restaurant  can’t swallow the dough nuts.  When I walked down fifth avenue, felt as if i was disappearing into nothing.  “I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody would ever see me again. Boy, did it scare me.”

 Want to run away from this world sometimes.  Wrote old Phoebe a note.  Here’s what it said.  “Dear Phoebe, I can’t wait around till Wednesday any more so I will probably hitch hike out west this afternoon.

Around Lunch Time  Old Phoebe said she wanted to come with me. I told her she had better stay here.  Boy, was she angry.  “All she did was, she took off my red hunting hat- the one I gave her- and practically chucked it right in my face.”

Carousel  Phoebe rode the carousel twice: i nearly cried.  “I felt so damn happy all of a sudden. the way old Phoebe kept going around and around. I was damn near bawling.”