By Charlene Trejo Speech 1700-Introduction To Speech/ Fall 2009

 Depending on how we handle disagreements, conflicts can strengthen relationships or poison it.  According to “The Exit-Voice-Loyalty-Neglect Model” in the book “Communication In Our Lives” by Julia T. Woods.  Responses can be either passive or active depending on how empathetically they address problems.  They can also be “constructive” or “destructive.”

 The “exit” response means leaving the relationship, by walking out or refusing to acknowledge the issue psychologically. This of course is destructive.  The “neglect” response is when the partner denies or minimizes the problems. It is disconfirming because it fails to acknowledge and respect another’s partner’s opinion that the issue is serious.  The “loyalty” response is staying committed to a relationship regardless of your differences. Loyalty is silent allegiance, so it is passive. Neglect is destructive because it overlooks difficulties.

 Finally, voice is an active, constructive strategy that responds to conflict by talking about the problems.  The partner will offer sincere apologies, or try to resolve those differences to keep the relationship healthy.  Constructive strategies like (voice and loyalty) is advised for relationships that you want to remain in.  Loyalty may be used as a strategy when a partner needs some time like a cooling off period.

How you act during conflict with your partner influences how they will act towards you. Although, many partners think that conflict is negative, it can benefit the partners and their relationships in many ways. When partners manage their conflict in positive ways it can help them grow and strengthen their relationship. If you try to understand a partner’s perspective during one of your conflicts, it is likely your partner will also try their best to understand you!