BCMS What Is Bullying

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Did you know? The word “bully” used to mean the total opposite of what it means now. Five hundred years ago, it meant friend, family member or sweetheart.

Exposing the Myths: 1. Bullying is just teasing T or F FALSE Bullying is much more than teasing. While many bullies tease, others use violence, intimidation, and other tactics. Sometimes teasing can be fun; bullying also hurts 2. Some people deserve to be bullied T or F FALSE No one ever deserves to be bullied. No one “asks for it.” Most bullies tease people who are different in some way. Being different is not a reason to be bullied. 3. Only boys are bullies T or F FALSE It seems most bullies are boys, but girls bully too. From The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Minneapolis, MD www.freespirit.com

4. People who complain about bullies are babies T or F FALSE People who complain about bullies are standing up for their right not to be bullied. They’re more grown-up than the bullies are. 5. Bullying is a normal part of growing up T or F FALSE Getting teased, picked on, pushed around, threatened, harassed, insulted, hurt, and abused is NOT normal. Plus if you think it’s normal, you’re less likely to say or do anything about it, which gives bullies the green light to keep bullying. 6. Bullies will go away if you ignore them. T or F TRUE and FALSE Some bullies might go away. But others will get angry and keep bullying until they get a reaction. That’s what they want. From The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Minneapolis, MD www.freespirit.com

8. It’s tattling to tell an adult when you’re being bullied. T or F 7. All bullies have low self-esteem. That’s why they pick on people. T or F FALSE Some bullies might have high self-esteem. They feel good about themselves, and picking on other people makes them feel even better. Most of the time, bullying isn’t about high or low self-esteem. It’s about having power over other people. 8. It’s tattling to tell an adult when you’re being bullied. T or F FALSE It’s smart to tell an adult who can help you do something about the bullying. It’s also smart to tell an adult if you see someone else being bullied. 9. The best way to deal with a bully is by fighting or trying to get even. T or F FALSE If you fight with a bully, you might get hurt (or hurt someone else). Plus you might get into trouble for fighting. If you try to get even, you’re acting the same as the bully. Then the bully might come after you again to get even with you. Either way only makes things worse. From The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Minneapolis, MD www.freespirit.com

What is Bullying? Bullying is when one person uses power in a willful manner with the aim of hurting another individual Repeatedly. Not Bullying – Regular conflicts among students may include – Sitting in another students chair, pranks, disagreements, teasing among friends.

What Is Not Bullying: When talking about bullying, it is very important for parents (and teachers and kids) to understand what bullying is not. Many times, a single act or behavior is blown out of proportion, but it is not considered bullying. Some people think that bullying is any aggressive behavior and although such behaviors are a source of concern and need attention, it is important to separate them from bullying. Bullying is recurring and deliberate abuse of power.

Understanding Bullying: In any communication, verbal or nonverbal, there are two sides involved. Bullying is a form of communication and depends not only on the giver but also on the receiver. For an incident to be considered bullying, the aggressor must want to hurt someone and the victim must perceive the incident as a deliberate act of abuse. SOURCE: http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/bullying-3-what-is-not-bullying/

Not bullying list: These incidents on this list are NOT considered bullying: Accidentally bumping into someone - When people bump into others, the reaction depends mostly on the bumped person's mood. If they have had a bad day, they may think it was an act of aggressive behavior, but if they are in the good mood, they smile back and attract an apology. This is also relevant for playing sports, like when kids are throwing the ball at each other and accidentally hit someone on the head. Some accidents happen without any bad intention and it is important not to create a big conflict, because it was NOT an act of bullying.

What Is Not Bullying: Making other kids play things a certain way - Again, this is very natural behavior. Wanting things to be done our way is normal and is not an act of bullying. Everyone should work to resolve the conflict. This might mean those in disagreement playing different things. A single act of telling a joke about someone - Making fun of other people is not fun for the one being made fun of, however, there is a fine line between having a sense of humor and making fun of someone. Jokes should also be amusing for all those involved. If not, they should stop. Unless it happens over and over again or is done deliberately to hurt someone, telling jokes about a person is NOT bullying, however, it is still against school policy.

What Is Not Bullying: Arguments - Arguments are just heated disagreements between two (or more) people (or groups). It is natural for people to have different interests and disagree on many things. Think about it, most of us have disagreements with ourselves, so it is very understandable to have disagreements with others. The argument itself is NOT a form of bullying, although some people can turn arguments into bullying because they want to win the argument so much. They use every means to get what they want and find a weakness in the other person. They abuse knowledge or trust they have gained and use it against the other person. It is very important to distinguish between natural disagreements and bullying during an argument. We will cover Conflict Resolution later.

What Is Not Bullying: Isolated acts of harassment, aggressive behavior, intimidation or meanness - The definition of bullying states that there is repetition in the behavior. Bullying is a conscious, repeated, hostile, aggressive behavior of an individual or a group abusing their position with the intention to harm others or gain real or perceived power. Therefore, anything that happens once is NOT an act of bullying. It is important that you pay attention to what your kids are telling you and find out if things are happening more than once.

Bullying can be: DIRECT Face to face Verbal Insults, putdowns, teasing, harassment Physical Shoves, pushes, hitting, assault Psychological Rolling eyes, dirty looks, uttering threats

Relational Aggression Bullying can be: INDIRECT Behind someone’s back Exclusion Leaving out Shunning Relational Aggression Telling people not to be friends with a victim Gossip Lowering people’s opinion about the victim

How does it make you feel? Depressed Hurt Alone

Does it have to be a part of growing up? No Each and every person has the right to feel safe in their life and good about their self.

Questions?