onpluto "the world’s safest airline" Click mouse to continue ….

OnPluto airlines has the best anti-terrorism measures in the world. Please click to know about our unique security regulations that make us the safest airline in the world …

“Check In” time Because our check-in is so thorough, you need to come early. All Muslims, Christians, Hindus and Buddhist must come at least 12 hours before departure. However, atheist can come two hours before departure.

Detailed questions You will be asked detailed questions to judge if you are a security risk. For an example, you will be asked if you have had any thoughts of killing anyone (including your mother in law).

Body search We understand that passengers may feel uncomfortable being searched. To make your physical searches more enjoyable, we have hired and trained staff from strip bars and gay clubs to search you thoroughly.

Total Body X-Ray Of course we will X-Ray your complete body to detect any hidden objects. For an extra payment we can get a doctor to check your X-Rays for diseases at the same time.

Liquids No liquids are permitted onboard. If you have any liquid medicine, you must drink all of it before your flight ( please buy life insurance before you do so ). If you are carrying milk for your baby, it will have to be tested (and tasted) by our security cat at the check in desk. If the cat dies after drinking the milk, you will be arrested and you will also be asked to pay the cost of getting a replacement cat.

Fake Boobs Special precautions are necessary for women with breast implants as these might be used to conceal explosives. If you have fake boobs (please be honest as there are lives at stake), you will be asked to wear our special explosion proof bra.

Toilets For security reasons, our aircraft do not have toilets. To ensure that you don't need to pee during the flight, please do not drink any fluids for 24 hours before the flight..

Armed Guards All our aircraft have armed guards in the cabin. They are very twitchy and slightly nuts, so please don't irritate them ( e.g. by saying "Hello !") because they might accidentally fire their guns and kill you and everyone else.

Farting We consider a fart to be a form of biological weapon and thus farting is strictly banned on our flights. If we detect a fart, our fart alarm will sound and the oxygen masks will be released. Please breath into these masks till the air is cleared.

Dark Glasses You will be given dark eye glasses to wear during the flight. With these, you will be able to spy on your fellow passengers without them knowing.

Emergency Exits The emergency exits are not locked and can be opened anytime. If you suspect that a fellow passenger is a terrorist, please do not ask any questions. Simply throw him or her out of the nearest emergency exit.

Random destinations To fool potential terrorist, your aircraft will land at a different airport to the one mentioned in your ticket. So please don’t plan your holiday too much.

Please don't fly with us … To make our flights really safe, we prefer if there are no passengers. If we don’t have passengers, then there will be no one to die. In this way, we will be able to maintain our status as the world’s safest airline. Thank you for not flying with OnPluto !

Thank you ! This is the end of our presentation. To save lives, please send this presentation to your friends as an attachment. You can get more information about onpluto.com by clicking herehere