The Paramedic Method* Translating “The Official Style” into English * Adapted from: Lanham, Richard A. Revising Business Prose, 3d. Ed. New York: Macmillan.

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Presentation transcript:

The Paramedic Method* Translating “The Official Style” into English * Adapted from: Lanham, Richard A. Revising Business Prose, 3d. Ed. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1992.

The Official Style Characteristics 1. Built on vague, general nouns. Often “shun” words—education, etc. 2. Nouns often modified by adjectives made up from other nouns incremental throughput 3. All action is passive and impersonal. No active verbs, no direct objects. It has been determined that... (Instead of I found..)

More Characteristics of The Official Style 4. Nothing is called by its ordinary name. Not “bomb the enemy...” But “... maintain an aggressive an operational attack posture.” 5.The status quo is preserved in syntax. All motion is converted into stasis. Denies reality of action. Not “decided to hire someone.” Rather “initiate the hiring process.”

Diagnose and Improve Writing The Paramedic Method is designed to diagnose and improve the first writings of people—not to create the original document.

Steps in the Paramedic Method 1. Circle the prepositions. 2. Circle the “is” forms. 3. Ask, “Where’s the Action?” “Who’s kicking who?” 4. Put this “kicking” action in a simple (not compound) active verb. 5. Start fast—no slow windups.

The “Lard” Factor in Writing The Lard Factor (How much “lard” can be eliminated from the writing?) Number of Words in Original - Number of Words in Revision Number of Words in Original You could lose some excess baggage! !

Prepositions and “is” Forms Locate prepositions and IS forms: After reviewing the research and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the conclusions, we feel that there is definite need for some additional research to more specifically pinpoint our advertising and marketing strategies. (38 words)

of previous After reviewing the research and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the conclusions, we feel that there is definite need for some additional research to more specifically pinpoint our advertising and marketing strategies. (38 words) suggest that we more Make Revisions

A “lardy” sentence The conclusions of previous research suggest that we need more research to pinpoint our advertising and marketing strategies. (18 words) Lard Factor = =.526 (52.6 percent) 38

Cutting More Lard Previous research suggests that we need more research to pinpoint our advertising and marketing strategies. (15 words. Lard factor 60.5 percent) Previous research suggests that we need more research to pinpoint our advertising and marketing strategies. (11 words. Lard factor 71 percent) Previous research has failed to pinpoint our advertising and market strategies. We need to no more. (16 words. Lard factor 58 percent) has failed

Let’s Revive Some Sentences 1. Circle the prepositions. 2. Circle the “is” forms. 3. Ask, “Where’s the Action?” “Who’s kicking who?” 4. Put this “kicking” action in a simple (not compound) active verb. 5. Start fast—no slow windups. Lard Factor = 1. One can easily see that a kicking situation is taking place between Jim and Bill. (15 words) Bill and Jim are kicking each other. (7 words. Lard 53.5 percent) Bill is kicking Jim. (4 words. Lard 71.4 percent) 2. Short-term planning is foremost in the prioritization of the planning loop. (11 words) Short-term planning comes first. (4 words. Lard 63.6 percent) Number of Words in Original - Number of Words in Revision Number of Words in Original

More Sentences to Revive 3. The role of markets is easily observed and understood when dealing with a simple commodity such as potatoes. (18 words) A simple commodity like potatoes shows clearly how markets work. (10 words. Lard 44 percent) 4. With regard to your request concerning Program Management and specifically the definition and function of a Program Manager, the following is submitted: (22 words) Here is the program Manager job description you asked for (10 words. Lard 54 percent) 5.The specific assignment of a Program Manager is to administer a program in its entirety. The planning function of the program is also a responsibility of the Program Manager. (29 words) A program manager plans and administers programs. (7 words. Lard 75.9 percent)