Courtship And Cohabitation

The Six Love Styles and The L.A.S. (Hendrick and Hendrick 1993) 66% S TORGE (F RIENDSHIP L OVE ): C LOSE F RIENDSHIP B ECOMES L OVE66% S TORGE (F RIENDSHIP L OVE ): C LOSE F RIENDSHIP B ECOMES L OVE “Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.” 34% E ROS (P ASSIONATE L OVE ): L OVE A T F IRST S IGHT34% E ROS (P ASSIONATE L OVE ): L OVE A T F IRST S IGHT “My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.” 17% P RAGMA (L OGICAL L OVE ): C OGNITIVE A PPRECIATION F OR P ARTNER17% P RAGMA (L OGICAL L OVE ): C OGNITIVE A PPRECIATION F OR P ARTNER “It is best to love somebody with a similar background.” 2% L UDUS (G AME -P LAYING L OVE ): F LIRTATIOUS A ND N OT C OMMITTED2% L UDUS (G AME -P LAYING L OVE ): F LIRTATIOUS A ND N OT C OMMITTED “I have sometimes had to keep my two lovers from finding out about each other.” 2% M ANIA (P OSSESSIVE L OVE ): F EELING O F O WNERSHIP O VER L OVER2% M ANIA (P OSSESSIVE L OVE ): F EELING O F O WNERSHIP O VER L OVER “I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with somebody else.” 2% A GAPE (S ELFLESS L OVE ): P UTTING O NE ’ S L OVER A BOVE O NE ’ S S ELF2% A GAPE (S ELFLESS L OVE ): P UTTING O NE ’ S L OVER A BOVE O NE ’ S S ELF “I would rather suffer than let my lover suffer.”

More than 60% of couples live together before getting married How Does It Pan Out? Cohabitation Cohabitators have a higher rate of divorce Cohabitators say it’s more likely they will divorce Cohabitators have more negative communication (verbally aggressive, less supportive) in their marriages Cohabitators have lower levels of marital satisfaction Infidelity is more common among cohabitators Physical violence is more common among cohabitators Pew Research Center 2010

More than 60% of couples live together before getting married Why Such Negative Outcomes? Cohabitation The “Selection” Effect Who cohabitates matters The “Cohabitation Impermanence” Effect Less respect for commitment The “Sliding Vs. Deciding” Effect Less thoughtful commitments