Relationship Dissolution How and why relationships breakdown

Background Facts Between half and a third of all marriages in Western societies end in divorce (Holmes 2000) This can be a highly traumatic experience for all involved, including children. If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied AND has alternative options, the r.ship is likely to break up.

Spirals of Escalating Negativity This refers to the fact that the negative feelings and actions of one partner in a relationship have a tendency to be reciprocated with negative feelings and actions of the other. This can lead to an escalation or rapid increase in negativity.

Spirals of Escalating Negativity Transgression- compliant- defence set of actions – one person does something wrong (transgression), the other complains, leading to the other feeling they have to defend themselves. Eg Husband forgets to make the bed, wife complains “that’s typical lazy behaviour”, the husband says “you’re always nagging me!”

Spirals of Escalating Negativity Couples can also start to view each other as enemies rather than cooperating with each other. Gottman (1979) coined the term ‘negative mind reading’ which refers to the way unhappy partners read negative motives behind their partner’s actions. He also found that such couples engage in ‘character assassination.’

Spirals of Escalating Negativity Bradbury and Fincham (1990) – attributions - unsatisfied partners tend to maximise a negative event by making it global, stable and internal and minimise a positive event by making it specific, unstable and situational.

He’s always late. It’s so typical of him. He can’t even do just one thing right. He’s always going to be like this. He doesn’t even care. He’ll never change.

He’s only giving me these because he feels guilty about being so late for dinner last night. He’s just trying to worm his way back in to my good books.

Phases of Dissolution Although each break up is unique, there do seem to be some general patterns… Duck (1986) proposed 5 phases of dissolution… The breakdown phase – at least one partner is unhappy with the relationship. When they can’t stand it anymore they move to the… Intrapsychic phase in which they complain openly to other people about their dissatisfaction. Others may support their views and they may feel justified in leaving the r.ship.

Phases of Dissolution The dyadic phase involves the task of confronting the partner with the dissatisfactions. A review of the r.ship will usually take place. If this is unsuccessful, they may talk about splitting up. This moves into the social phase where family and friends talk about the break up and the social networks change accordingly. Finally, the grave dressing phase occurs where the now dead r.ship is ‘buried’ and given a place in the continuing story of each ex’s r.shp history!

Problems with Duck’s Phases They may represent the typical phases of a breakup but by no means apply to everyone. Many people simply leave a relationship with very little warning and some end in confrontation, rage and conflict. Some people take a passive role (let it take its course so they are not responsible for the breakup) and others take an active role in the breakup (to speed things up!)

Parts Played – Breaker and Breakee The breaker and breakee may play very different roles. Akert (1992) found that the breakees tend to be considerably more upset about the ending of the r.ship than the breaker, suffering from more physical symptoms and also more depression and anger. Also found that those who mutually agreed to split up tended to be more upset that breakers, but less than breakees.

Parts Played – Breaker and Breakee In general, men were found to make more drastic and complete breaks than women – who tended to want to keep some contact with their ex-partners.