Effective Communication at Work: Achieving Results & Enhancing Relationships With Dr. Janet Mills

A good example of a bad example

People have memories—and mouths People happy with you People unhappy with you

Three stages of interaction 1.Greeting

Three stages of interaction 2. Transaction

Three stages of interaction 3. Parting

4 Things people want from YOU 1. Attention

4 Things people want from YOU 2. Acceptance

4 Things people want from YOU 3. Assertion

4 Things people want from YOU 4. Appreciation

1. Attention S = face person SQUARELY O = Adopt an OPEN posture L = LEAN forward slightly E = Maintain EYE CONTACT R = RELAX

1. Attention

Lousy listeners

1. Attention Verbal Following Mary was a sensible and giddy young lady, wise and silly beyond compare. She was a slight and small creature, yet so large that everyone who knew her loved her. She felt rather lonely, because she lived in a Town with no other houses or people for miles around.

1. Attention Multi-channel Nonverbal Following Percent of impact in face-to-face comm: Verbal = 8% Facial = 54% Vocal = 38%

1. Attention Multi-channel Nonverbal Following Posture, posture shiftsBody movementBody orientation Interpersonal distanceGesturesFacial displays Eye/looking behaviorsVoice (vocalics)Dress Physical appearanceTouch (tactile)Object communication Odor (olfactory)Breathing patternsBMIRS: behavioral manifestations of internal states

1. Attention Back-channeling Vocalizations Head nodding Gestures Facial expression Eye contact Questions

2. Acceptance Affirm the Nature of the Relationship Hierarchical indicators Who’s up? Down? Immediacy indicators How close or far? Basic respect “I see you” Earned respect High esteem

2. Acceptance Developing and Maintaining Rapport Posture echo Vocal echo Interaction synchrony

2. Acceptance Responding Verbally to Accept Messages –Paraphrase ideas –Paraphrase feelings –Express empathy –Prompt and probe –Summarize

Defensiveness The NUMBER ONE PROBLEM in communication at work Defensiveness arises when we feel: Threatened Attacked Punished Unjustly accused When defensive we are likely to experience: Emotional agitation Estrangement Confusion Aggressive and/or passive impulses

Defensiveness

3. Assertive & supportive communication Focus on problems Not people

3. Assertive & supportive communication Be congruent Not incongruent Ver Verbal comm Nonverbal comm Thoughts & feelings Match these!

3. Assertive & supportive communication Be descriptive Not evaluative

3. Assertive & supportive communication ValidateDon’t invalidate

3. Assertive & supportive communication Be specificNot global

3. Assertive & supportive communication Be conjunctiveNot disjunctive

3. Assertive & supportive communication Own yourDon’t ► Deny what you’ve said ► Blame others for what you did ► Stuff your feelings ► Ignore what you want ► Forget your needs ► Statements ► Actions ► Feelings ► Wants ► Needs

3. Assertive & supportive communication Make it two-wayNot one-way

Assertive Skill 1: Clear Message Format Use to: State a complaint or problem Request a change of behavior, policy or procedure Express hopes, wishes, desires

Tool 1: Clear Message Format Elements: Describe Interpret Express/Own Consequences Intentions

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is accurate and true

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET Elements: Listen actively Acknowledge your error or fault Seek more information Create plan for positive action Appreciate the other

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is inaccurate or untrue

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET Elements: Listen actively Fog the criticism Assert Appreciate

4. Appreciation Forms of appreciation ThankPraiseReward ComplimentCommendApprove RecognizeValueNotice Stick up for ReferRecommend

Dr. Janet Mills