The impact of dyslexia on family relationships Danielle M. Baran, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Advocate Children’s Hospital Department of Pediatrics Center for Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics Educational Consultation & Evaluation Services April 18, 2015

Learning Objectives To understand the impact of having a child with dyslexia on family relationships To fully appreciate the unique strengths of families that have struggled with reading To provide strategies that can be helpful for families that have a child who is a struggling reader

Having a child with a learning disability requires more family resources People Knowledge Time Money

By the time a child receives a diagnosis of dyslexia, Both parents and the child Have felt frustrated Have felt like they’ve failed Gotten angry or blamed the other person Have had negative thoughts about one another Have disengaged from reading Many parents may have tried to discipline the behavior Many children may have tried to avoid reading altogether

Upon receiving the diagnosis Common emotions for parents include: Relief Guilt Desire to find “the cause” Self-blame Grief Common emotions in kids include: Confusion Anger Self-blame

After diagnosis parents’ role may change Advocate Champion Tutor Expert Coach Mentor “Teacher” Case Manager Mom & Dad

I strongly believe that behind the success of every disabled child is a passionately committed, intensely engaged, and totally empowered parent. - Sally Shaywitz, Overcoming Dyslexia

Impact on parent-child relationship After school focus is often on homework Child may feel like parental efforts are to “fix them” Child can resent parents who focus on weaknesses Parents sometimes feel like children are not appreciative of efforts

Relationships with siblings Child with dyslexiaand non-dyslexic sibling Jealousy ( from both sides ) Birth order/proximity in age can create additional challenges Two children with reading challenges can create additional family stress If one child has dyslexia, about half of sibs are likely to have disorder (Shaywitz, 2003)

Impact on marriage Finding the cause can turn into blaming the other parent Both parents adjust at different intervals An additional source of arguments remember the mix of people, time, knowledge, and money?

Strengths in children Kids are resilient! Although commonly thought that children have greater rates of mental health issues, there is no consistent finding that children with dyslexia have greater rates of anxiety and depression.* Many children find an area of strength. * Some evidence that girls display lower academic self-esteem and depressive thoughts related to school (Alexander-Passe, 2006).

Strength comes from adversity Once through the initial emotions surrounding diagnosis subside, most parents do become their child’s greatest champion. Many families have already adopted accommodations for the child with dyslexia. Once siblings better understand challenges, they come to aid of others’ in similar situations (are more sensitive to the needs of others) – even if they can’t show it to their sibling. Many families come together to support one another, and families are even stronger than if they did not have a child with alternative needs (Solomon, 2012)

Before a family moves into action Recognize that family members are interdependent –Parents have own sets of strengths/weaknesses, just as kids do –“goodness of fit” between various members Remember your role –first, you’re “Mom,” “Dad”

Actions that help Seek out support and knowledge about reading and reading challenges Recognize that everyone acts differently at home Recognize when you need more support Family Therapy; Tutoring; Self-care; A driver

Actions that help Recognize that learning challenges go well beyond the elementary school years Recognize the school is over for the day when the last piece of homework is complete The impact of optimal school support cannot be emphasized enough

Actions that help The don’ts Don’t confuse can’t and won’t Your child is both doing the best he/she can, and is capable of doing better Don’t keep your child from doing something they enjoy in order to engage in reading Don’t accidentally reward the avoidance of reading

References Mather, N., & Wendling, B.J. (2012). Essentials of Dyslexia Assessment and Intervention. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley. Shaywitz, S. (2003). Overcoming dyslexia: A new and complete science-based program for reading problems at any level. New York: Alfred A. Knopf. Solomon, A. (2012). Far from the tree: Parents, children, and the search for identity. New York: Scribner. Wolf, M. (2007). Proust and the squid: The story and science of the reading brain. New York: HarperCollins.

Educational Evaluation and Consultation Services (ECES) within the Department of Pediatrics, ACH ECES established in 1984, at the direction of Seymour Metrick, M.D., Chairman of Pediatrics & General Pediatrician, who recognized that: –Children spend the majority of their waking hours in school –Many children enter the school with complex learning and medical needs –General pediatricians and subspecialists needed ways to connect with professionals in the educational community in order to address the challenges their patients faced in the educational settings in a collaborative manner ECES practice –Department of Pediatrics, Division of Developmental Pediatrics and Education –James Weedon, M.D., Director Department of Pediatrics - directory –Pediatricians –Subspecialists Pediatric Therapies –Occupational, Speech, and Physical Therapists, and Audiologists