Creating Positive Equity from Conflict Liz Cassidy Third Sigma International

Types Of Conflict 1. Intra-personal 2. Inter-personal 3. Organisation 4. Communal 5. Societal 6. National 7. International

Cost Of Conflict Seen = 10% Unseen = 90%

Stages of Conflict Discomfort: Something doesn’t feel right Misunderstandings: Motives and facts confused. Thoughts dwell on the issue Tension: Relationship impacted by negative opinions. Constant worry. Crises: Extreme behaviour contemplated or executed. Relationship rupture possible. Incidents: Short exchange, no lasting reaction Source: Adapted from The Conflict Resolution Network NSW

Conflict Collusion Me Other 3. I DO … Protest Huff Resent 2. I SEE An Object: Demanding Unreasonable Whining 4. HE SEES An object: Self-centered Inconsiderate Immature 1. HE DOES Take up time Complains Badgers Collusion: A conflict where the parties are inviting the very things they are fighting against Allies

Decision Making Time Situation: Choice Above the Line See the Person. Perspective = Peace Respond to the Person Fame of Reference = “Out of the box” Below the Line See An Object. Perspective = War React to the Object Fame of Reference = “In the box” View of MyselfView of Other Person My FeelingsMy View of the World My Behaviours – I Do Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

The Better-Than Box View of Myself Superior Important Virtuous/Right View of Others No right to be there Inferior Incapable/Irrelevant False/Wrong Feelings Impatient Disdainful Indifferent View of World Competitive Troubled Needs Me My Behaviours …. Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

The I-Deserve Box (often goes hand in hand with Better Than) View of Myself Meritorious Mistreated/Victim Unappreciated View of Others Mistaken Mistreating Ungrateful Feelings Entitled Deprived Resentful View of World Unfair Unjust Owes me My Behaviours …. Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

The Must-Be-Seen Box View of Myself Need to be well thought of Fake View of Others Judgemental Threatening My audience Feelings Anxious/Afraid Needy/Stressed Overwhelmed View of World Dangerous Watching Judging Me My Behaviours …. Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

The Worse-Than Box View of Myself Not as Good Broken/Deficient Fated View of Others Advantaged Privileged Blessed Feelings Helpless Jealous/Bitter Depressed View of World Hard/Difficult Against Me Ignoring Me My Behaviours …. Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

Stages of Conflict Discomfort: Something doesn’t feel right Misunderstandings: Motives and facts confused. Thoughts dwell on the issue Tension: Relationship impacted by negative opinions. Constant worry. Crises: Extreme behaviour contemplated or executed. Relationship rupture possible. Incidents: Short exchange, no lasting reaction Source: Adapted from The Conflict Resolution Network NSW

Getting Out of the Box 1. Look for the signs of the box (blame, justification, labelling, horribilisation, common box styles etc). Note this requires self-honesty. 2. Find an out-of-the-box place (out-of-the-box relationships, memories, activities, places etc). 3. Ponder the situation anew (i.e. from this out-of-the-box perspective). Ask:  What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains?  How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials, burdens and pains?  In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group?  In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than and must-be- seen-as boxes obscuring the truth about others and myself and interfering with potential solutions?  What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help? Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

Staying Out of the Box 4.Act upon what I have discovered; do what I am feeling I should do Source: Adapted from The Arbinger Institute: Anatomy of Peace

"It is essential to know that to be a happy person, a happy family, a happy society, it is very crucial to have a good heart, that is very crucial. World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just the absence of violence but the manifestation of human compassion” Dalai Lama

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