Managing Your Stress The REBE Approach

How would feel or react? (think, feel, say, or do) A man speeds past you and cuts you off as you are driving to school. You then hear his very pregnant wife screaming for him to hurry- the baby is coming!!!

How would you feel or react? A student bumps you from behind and your books go flying across the hallway. You turn around and notice the student is visually impaired.

How would you feel or react? You get “dumped” by your boy/girlfriend by by a text. You haven’t been that into him/her anyway and have been eyeing someone else in English class.

Why might you feel or react differently with the second statement added? What is the Missing Link?

Are you ready? Emotional Management through thought control Here is the Secret!

In order to excel and perform to your maximum potential, you need to successfully manage your emotions so that when the time comes to act or perform, you are: Relaxed Confident and prepared for excellence

THE ABC’s of EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT Dr. Albert Ellis is the creator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy REBT uses a systematic scientific method for teaching people how to effectively manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Where do almost all emotions and anxiety come from? Do they come from the teachers or peers? Do parents’ expectations of their child make them nervous and anxious? Do emotions come from the media? Does the ACT test cause anxiety? Nope!

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Emotions are NOT caused by anything or anyone else in the world.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Things that happen in the world and people in the world contribute to our emotional responses; They do not cause our emotional responses.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy* Emotions are mainly caused by our thoughts about the things that happen to us in the world.

Since people cause their own emotions, they can “uncause” them as well.

Here are Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC’s of REBT

It’s time to define some variables.

Dr. Albert Ellis* ABC Theory of Emotions A = Activating Event (Adversity) B = Beliefs C = Consequences (Feel, Do)

The “A” in REBT stands for the activating event, sometimes called an adversity. There are three types of adversities people face in the world.

Three Questions 1.Have you ever failed at something you wanted to do well at? 2.Have you ever been rejected or treated unfairly by other people? 3.Have you ever faced a harsh condition?

The three “A’s” that people face in the world, the adversities, are called……….. LIFE!

The “B” in REBT stands for the beliefs and thoughts that people possess about the (A) Activating Events that have occurred.

BELIEFS*  rational- helpful to you over the long run, consistent with “facts”, self- preserving  irrational- hinders you over the long run, self-defeating

C= Consequences* The resulting emotional or behavioral reaction or response (think, feel, say or do)

Event + Thoughts = Feeling > Do a + b = c Activating + Beliefs = Consequence Event (feel, do)

Feeling Event + Thoughts = Feeling (constant) (variable) Feeling

What does it mean? A + B = C Activating events (A) + the (B) Beliefs you have about the events cause (C) emotional Consequence!

Why is this important? You can change your beliefs, your thoughts, and if you do, you’ll change your emotional or behavioral consequences.

Which thoughts make you angrier? Are they based on your opinion of the event or facts of our experienced life?

Cognitive Choices How we LOOK AT things What MEANING we attach What we REMEMBER about the past What we IMAGINE will happen next What we FOCUS on What we COMPARE things to What we EXPECT (self, others, life) How much IMPORTANCE we attach What we spend our time THINKING about

Anything you think, feel, say or do is perfectly UNDERSTANDABLE

That does NOT mean it’s Helpful (rational) Healthy Acceptable to others

Put other people through exactly what you’ve been through And they’d probably end up thinking, feeling and doing what you do (And maybe even worse)

We all do the BEST we can at the time Given what we’ve been through And the situations we find ourselves in

Regardless of what you think, feel, say or do You’ll never be the first You’re never going to be the last You’ll always have a lot of company It’s part of being human

More thoughts……… How do I know if my (B) beliefs are SANE and RATIONAL?

Two Unhealthy Emotions Anxiety (worry or dread) LFT (Low Frustration Tolerance)

Anxiety elevated heart rate sweating feeling clammy queasy stomach hard time catching your breath Physiological Symptoms

Anxiety vs. Concern Concern → Anxiety → Unhealthy Healthy

Frustration vs. Low Frustration Tolerance Frustration → LFT → Self-Defeating Healthy

How do you know if you’re generating anxiety or concern? How do you know if your frustration is healthy frustration or LFT?

Answers (Thank you Dr. Albert Ellis) If you change a thought from: →Wish →Want →Preference →Desire →Aspiration →Goal →Into a →Must →Need To →Have To →Command →Demand →Dire Necessity You will create unhealthy negative emotions. RATIONALIRRATIONAL

Here’s what it boils down to: Six Needs/Musts exist in the world Air Water Food 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) Sleep Getting Older Dying

Some additional points. (more variables) If the consequence is unhealthy or self- defeating, you’ll move to (D) – disputing your crooked thoughts and developing an (E) – effective coping statement.

Dr. Ellis has identified 4 categories of irrational (B) thoughts 1.Demanding – This is making the shift from a want to a need (I MUST do well, I HAVE TO). 2.Awfulizing – It will be HORRIBLE or TERRIBLE or AWFUL if I don’t. 3.LFT – I wouldn’t be able to stand not doing well; it’d be UNBEARABLE. “I can’t-stand-it-itis” 4.Labeling/ Damning – I’d be a total failure if I didn’t do well.

100 Burning alive Mosquito bite

CROOKED/IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS “My parents expect me to do well on the ACT, so I have to. I must. Failure is unacceptable.” Demand Statement

CROOKED/IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS “ I have to do well on the ACT because if I don’t I won’t live up to my parents’ expectations and that’d be horrible.” Demand Statement Awfulizing Statement or awful or terrible

CROOKED/IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS “I couldn‘t stand it. If I don’t do as well as they expect me to do and it’d prove what a total worthless, idiot I am if I don’t live up to their expectations so I have to do well.” Low Frustration Tolerance Labeling/Damning Statement Demand Statement

CROOKED/IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS “If I get a bad score on the ACT, it’ll prove that I’m stupid so I have to do well!” Labeling/ Damning Statement Demand Statement

CROOKED/IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS “ I have to do well on the ACT because if I don’t, that’d be horrible.” Demand Statement Awfulizing Statement

Some examples of (E) Effective Coping Statements For Demand: “Hold it, I want to perform well and have my parents be proud of what I accomplish but I don’t have to.” For Awfulizing: “My life will still be worth living even if I don’t do as well as I and my parents want.”

For LFT: “Stop whining! Why make the situation worse by complaining about it?” For Labeling/Damning: “Not doing well (on the ACT) and not meeting expectations would prove I’m a FHB (fallible human being), not a worthless idiot.”

This is it – A Final Tip give your best effort and expect success! Just don’t DEMAND it! With everything you do in your life,