1 DA Civilian Resiliency Training Part IV (Challenges, Assertiveness & Being Constructive)

Mission and Vision 2 Mission: Develop a strong, resilient workforce (Soldier and Civilians) through resiliency training. End state: Sustain a resilient workforce that stands shoulder to shoulder, able overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity

Task: Identify strengths in yourself and others to improve teamwork and overcome challenges. Conditions: Within a classroom environment. Standards: Understand that Strengths of Character is a primary target of Use Strengths in Challenges Task, Conditions, Standards 3

Use Strengths in Challenges 4

Key Principles Useful in teams: Leverage the strengths of team members so that you make sure people are working together as effectively as possible. Strengths of Character: Using Strengths in Challenges builds all of the MRT competencies; Strengths of Character is a primary target. 5

Bottom Line Up Front Using Strengths in Challenges helps to build Strengths of Character. You can use your top strengths and the strengths of others to overcome challenges. 6

Applications As a Civilian, how can using your strengths in challenges make your organization more effective? How can using your strengths in challenges be used within families? 7

Case Study Video 8

What strengths did you hear in the case study? What Character Strengths did the team have? What were the specific actions that were generated by the Character Strengths? 9

Use Strengths in Challenges Flesh out the group dilemma with more detail. Identify the group’s goals in addressing the challenge. Discuss how the group’s strengths can be used together to deal with the challenge. Identify the specific actions your group would take based on your strength profiles and the sequence in which you would take those actions (e.g., which action would you do first, second, etc.). If someone already uses a strength you also have, choose another one of your strengths or discuss a different action that you would take from the same strength. 10

Debrief What did you learn from this activity? How did you use your strengths to deal with the challenge? What specific actions did your strength lead to? How did other people approach the situation differently based on their strengths? In what ways did the team benefit by having a variety of strengths and working together to overcome the challenge? 11

Check on Learning What is the skill? Use Strengths in Challenges to build positive emotions, enhance performance, and build stronger teams. When do I use it? Use Strengths in Challenges to create effective teams, deepen engagement, and overcome challenges. How do I use it? Identify ways you already use your Character Strengths and new ways to use them in your daily life and when confronted with a problem. 12

13 Questions

14 Assertiveness Communication

Task: Learn to communicate clearly and with respect. Use the IDEAL model to communicate in a Confident, Clear, and Controlled manner. Conditions: Within a classroom environment. Standards: Understand that Connection is a primary target of Assertive Communication Task, Conditions, Standards 15

Assertive Communication 16

Communication Skill Set Assertive Communication: Communicate clearly and with respect. Active Constructive Responding: Respond to others to build strong relationships. Praise: Praise to build mastery and winning streaks. 17

Key Principles Takes practice: Assertive Communication takes practice. Flexibility: Match your style of communication to the situation/person you are communicating with. Skill, not personality: Communication styles are skills, not personality styles. Retreat, refuel, return: Take a break from the conversation. Relax/rethink and then try again. Connection: Assertive Communication builds all of the MRT competencies; Connection is a primary target. 18

Bottom Line Up Front Assertive Communication helps to build Connection. Assertive Communication helps you solve problems by remaining Confident, Clear, and Controlled. 19

Assertive Communication: Applications When is Assertive Communication appropriate or not appropriate in the Army? What gets in the way of Assertive Communication? How will your relationships benefit through the use of Assertive Communication? 20

Communication Styles Complete the chart on the Communication Styles worksheet. What are the descriptors of each style? What are Icebergs that contribute to each style? What are the messages that each style sends to the other person? 21

Debrief What did you learn? What are the descriptors of each style? What are Icebergs that contribute to each style? What are the messages that each style sends to the other person? 22

Aggressive Communication Must have the last word Talking over the other person Out of control emotion Blaming Talking down 23

Icebergs beneath Aggressive Communication The best defense is a strong offense. You’ve got to be loud and strong if you want to win. Never back down from a fight. Any sign of weakness and you’ll be taken advantage of. I want it and deserve it now! 24

Passive Communication Quiet No eye contact Withdrawn Sulking Submissive Fearful Appeasing 25

Icebergs beneath Passive Communication It’s wrong to complain. I don’t really care. It doesn’t matter. I’ll make enemies if I speak my mind. No one ever really changes anyway. It’s more important that people like me, than to be right. I don’t like conflict. 26

Assertive Communication (3 Cs) Confident, Clear, Controlled Seek to understand Important in dealing with family and colleagues (communication that works in combat or, with your Platoon doesn't work at home) 27

3 Cs: Confident, Clear, and Controlled Confident: You believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed. Clear: The message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated. Controlled: You are “tracking” the other person and modulate yourself if necessary. 28

Icebergs that Hinder the 3 Cs I’m not that strong. I’m not a good Soldier. I don’t measure up. 29

Icebergs that Promote the 3 Cs We can work this out. I trust you and respect you. I can express myself clearly and confidently. What I believe matters. 30

The IDEAL Model I =Identify and understand the problem. D =Describe the problem objectively and accurately. E =Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate). A =Ask the other person for his/her perspective and then ask for a reasonable change. L =List the outcomes. 31

Tips for IDEAL I = Identify and understand the problem ATC and check for Thinking Traps Detect Icebergs (if necessary) Put It In Perspective (if necessary) 32

Tips for IDEAL Once you’ve identified the problem, then you can move to communication. D = Describe the problem objectively and accurately Who, what, when, where Specific, recent Minimize exaggeration E = Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate) “I” rather than “you” Minimize exaggeration 33

Tips for IDEAL A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective… What and How questions, not Why questions Repeat back what you heard to check that you’re hearing him/her accurately …and then ask for a reasonable change “Good Faith” test (reasonable, doable) Work towards a win-win 34

Tips for IDEAL L = List the outcomes Positive rather than negative Consider appropriateness 35

Assertive Communication: Applications When is Assertive Communication appropriate or not appropriate in the Army? What gets in the way of Assertive Communication? How will your relationships benefit through the use of Assertive Communication? 36

Check on Learning What is the skill? Assertive Communication is a method of communication that is Confident, Clear, and Controlled. When do I use it? Use Assertive Communication when confronting someone about a conflict or challenge (and is the most appropriate style in that situation). How do I use it? Use the IDEAL model: I = Identify and understand the problem, D = Describe the problem objectively and accurately, E = Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate), A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective and ask for a reasonable change, L = List the outcomes. 37

38 Questions

39 Active Constructive Responding and Praise

Task: Learn to respond to others to build strong relationships and Praise to build mastery and winning streaks Conditions: Within a classroom environment. Standards: Understand that Connection is a primary target of ACR and Praise Task, Conditions, Standards 40

Active Constructive Responding and Effective Praise 41

Key Principles Four types of responding: There are four ways people tend to respond when others share a positive experience: AC, AD, PC, PD. ACR: ACR conveys authentic interest, and the responder helps the sharer think more deeply about the positive experience. Benefits of ACR: ACR leads to stronger relationships, belonging, well-being, and life satisfaction for both parties. Effective Praise: Name the strategy, process, or behavior that led to the good outcome. It builds motivation, optimism, and winning streaks. Connection: ACR and Praise build all of the MRT competencies; Connection is a primary target. 42

Bottom Line Up Front Active Constructive Responding (ACR) and Effective Praise help to build Connection. You can strengthen your relationships by responding actively and constructively to others’ positive experiences. Effective Praise identifies what was working and creates winning streaks. 43

Build Strong Relationships through ACR Based on work by Shelly Gable There are four ways people tend to respond when others share good news, talk about a positive experience, or describe a success. Only one of the four styles leads to stronger relationships. 44

What do we mean by positive experience? My RDO is now every other Friday. I received an excellent evaluation/appraisal. I passed AMC’s inspection. I received a promotion. It wasn’t so hot out. 45

But… how the other person responds matters. ConstructiveDestructive Authentic interest, elaborates the experience; person feels validated and understood Squashing the event, brings conversation to a halt; person feels ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, or angry Quiet, understated support; conversation fizzles out; person feels unimportant, misunderstood, embarrassed, or guilty Ignoring the event; conversation never starts; person feels confused, guilty, or disappointed Passive Active 46

Private Jackson says to Private Carson: “Hey, my wife called and told me she got a great job on post.” ConstructiveDestructive That’s great. What’s the new job? When does it start? What did she say about it? So who’s going to be looking after your son? I wouldn’t trust a babysitter. That’s nice. I got such a funny e- mail from my son. Listen to this... Passive Active Private Carson responds: 47

Your face is worth a thousand words… ConstructiveDestructive Passive Active 48

Make Your Praise Praiseworthy: A Special Case of Active Constructive Responding 49

Effective Criticism When someone we care about fails, underperforms, or struggles, we don’t say, “Man, you are dumb as a rock.” Effective criticism names the process, strategy, behavior that led to the problem (e.g., “You aren’t keeping your arm level.”) and how to correct it. 50

Effective Praise Based on work by Carol Dweck When you recognize someone and offer praise, name the specific strategy, effort, or skill that led to the good outcome. It just takes another sentence. Naming strategy does three things: Demonstrates you were really watching Demonstrates authenticity Enables winning streaks This is AAR at the individual level. 51

Applications What are the ways you give and receive praise in the Army (one- on-one; public acknowledgments, symbolic rewards, etc.)? How are ACR and Effective Praise already used in the Army? How can you further incorporate ACR and Effective Praise in the way you cultivate teams, offer recognition, or communicate about successes (with Army and family)? 52

What is the skill? Active Constructive Responding (ACR) is a method of communication in which the responder conveys authentic interest and helps the person to relive the positive experience. Effective Praise focuses on the strategy, behavior, or process that brought the good outcome. When do I use it? Use ACR when someone shares a positive experience with you and Praise when you want to build motivation and performance. How do I use it? Respond to positive experiences by conveying interest and by asking questions. When giving Praise, name the behavior, strategy, or process. Check on Learning 53

54 Questions

AAR What went well What can be improved