KNOTS There is something I don’t know that I am supposed to know. I don’t know what it is I don’t know, and yet am supposed to know, and I feel I look stupid if I seem not to know and not to know what it is I don’t know. Therefore I pretend I know it. This is nerve wracking since I don’t know what I must pretend to know. Therefore I pretend to know everything. I feel you know what I am supposed to know but you can’t tell me what it is because you don’t know that I don’t know what it is. You may know what I don’t know, but not that I don’t know it, and I can’t tell you. So you will have to tell me everything. R D Laing

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters CHAPTER THREE I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in . . .it is a habit . . but My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. CHAPTER FOUR I walk around it. CHAPTER FIVE I walk down a different street. CHAPTER ONE I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless It isn’t my fault It takes forever to find a way out. CHAPTER TWO I walk down the same street. I pretend I do not see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. 1993 Portia Nelson From There’s a Hole in the Sidewalk Beyond words Publishing, Inc

entering the space / working out how to act FORMING entering the space / working out how to act FORMING Concerns and actions - reserved, needing to be led, wanting direction, expecting to be told

Facilitator as Leader Regardless of how we facilitate participants enter the learning space ASSUMING that we know and they don’t Confusion and disappointment emerges if this is not how we operate They are being disturbed from a state of comfortable dependence Psychological dependence is neither good nor bad in itself However - excessive dependence places a serious [and unnecessary] burden on the leader

The two groups present when we meet Wilfred Bion The two groups present when we meet TASK group Focus on work Agendas Discuss tasks ‘Rational’ decision making Goal (outcome) oriented BASIC ASSUMPTION Group Trust Expectations Concerns Leader as the ‘goal’ Feelings

Three Basic Assumption States Dependency Group Members do what they are told with a sense of comfort even complacency Fight/Flight When there is no recognized leader, fear emerges. Members enact this fear by fighting for control of the group or leaving (flight) Pairing The development of the group is frozen by a hope of being rescued by two members who will pair off and somehow create an unborn leader

“Black Hole” events For me – The trigger is usually a point in a workshop/program where I am working with material I am passionate about I am ‘in full flight’ – engaged, excited, wishing to convey my enthusiasm Someone begins to ask about matters of ‘fact’ which appear to me as a ‘challenge’ I respond They respond And we being ‘disappearing’ into a debate that holds everyone’s attention and loses purpose and focus