The Pineapple! “Nature’s Porcupine”

The Pineapple! “Nature’s Porcupine” (besides the actual porcupine)

Pineapple Common Names: Pineapple, Ananas, Nanas, Pina. Latin Name: Ananas comosus Family: Bromeliaceae Related Species: Pina de Playon (Ananas bracteatus). At school they called me “whine-crapple”

Types of Pineapple There are three primary types of pineapple: Cayenne Pineapple – 5-6 pounds, yellow flesh, high sugar and acid. Grown in Hawaii, this is the most prominent in the U.S. groceries, and has a single tuft of sword-likes leaves. Red Spanish – 2-4 pounds, spiny leaves. Shorter and thicker with reddish skin and leaves radiating in several tufts Kona Sugarloaf – 5-6 pounds, white flesh with no woodiness, high sugar but no acid. Sweet flavor and green skin. Grown in Mexico but rarely imported to U.S. because it doesn’t ship well. The acid content indicates our promiscuity.

Pineapple Identification “The Crown” – The long, pointed leaves at the top may be green or striped with red or yellow. The Exterior – A tough waxy rind surrounds the fruit, forming a scaly pattern. This may be green, yellow, orange-yellow, or reddish when ripe. The Interior – Full of segmented fruit ranging from white to yellow. Technically not a single fruit but a “sorosis” My “crown” means I’m the king of bedwetting!

Hah! “Sucker”! The Plant

The Origin! Native to Central and South America, particularly Brazil and Paraguay, where the Guarani Indians cultivated them, calling them “nana” or “excellent fruit” Columbus discovered it on the island of Guadeloupe in 1493 and brought them back to Europe for Queen Isabella of Spain. His screw ate them to prevent scurvy. It may have been taken to Hawaii by the Spanish in the early 16 th Century or by Captain Cook in In the 1880’s, steamships made the pineapple an industry in Hawaii, taking off in 1903 when Dole began canning them, making it the island’s largest crop. Those sailors had more than scurvy!

Growing Conditions Sunny tropical regions best for growing. Soil with high organic content and pH between 4.5 and 6.5. Mealybugs, nematodes, mites and beetles can be a threat to growth, as can frost. Nitrogen necessary to increase fruit size. Grown from crowns of other pineapples Hard to determine when ripe; tested for sugar contest using the “Brix Test” Warm days and cool nights are best for carbon dioxide uptake in a process called Crassulacean acid metabolism, where stomates are open at night and closed during the day The Brix test is the most painful experience I’ve ever endured.

Selling and Buying! Hawaii produces ten percent of the world's pineapple crops. Other countries producing the fruit include Mexico, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Philippines, Thailand, Costa Rica, China, and Asia. It is the third most canned fruit and available year round. Workers pick the pineapple and place it in a basket, where other workers transfer it to a box with the crown up. It must be kept dry during this process before being shipped to grocery stores. All of my relatives were murdered during the truck ride.

Pineapples = Nutritional! Pineapples are loaded with Vitamin C! One serving contains 25% of the daily recommended amount. Each serving contains 60 calories. Pineapples contain a special enzyme called bromelain which helps the body’s digestive system. With enough bromelain, you could digest an infant in minutes.

The Ripening Process Stage 6 is too grotesque to depict in a classroom setting. Deep green crown leaves are a sign of freshness. Avoid dried out leaves, bruised fruit, or soft spots. After cut store in a refridgerator. BEST.

Yikes. Girl Drinks! The hollowed out pineapple can be made into a “girl drink”

Eat Pineapple, Dude! Try grilling pineapple slices for a tasty treat! Use pineapple juice as a marinade! Stacked Pineapple Upside-down Cake 1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted 2/3 cup firmly packed brown sugar 1 (20-ounce) can sliced pineapple, drained 1/2 cup chopped pecans 1 (18.25-ounce) package yellow cake mix without pudding Caramel Frosting (recipe below) Combine butter and brown sugar; spread evenly into 2 greased 9-inch round cakepans. Arrange pineapple slices, cherries, and pecans on top. Prepare cake mix according to directions. Pour batter into pans; bake at 350 degrees F. for 30 to 40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove immediately from pans, and cool completely on wire racks. Stack layers, pineapple side up, on serving plate. Spread warm caramel frosting on sides of cake. Yield: one 2-layer cake Pineapple will never be a substitute for love.

Pineapple facts! provided by the folks at Of all the New World discoveries of Columbus, pineapples were the fruits that caused the biggest stir back home. In a Caribbean rite of manhood, barefoot youths ran through pineapple plantings and were expected to bear the resulting wounds without protest. Caribbean Indians placed pineapples or pineapple crowns outside the entrances of their homes to symbolize friendship and hospitality. The Spanish explorers thought pineapples looked like pinecones, so they called them "Pina." The English added "apple" to associate it with juicy delectable fruits. where fruit and education merge to create “fruication” Rosie O’Donnel admitted she’s a lesbian!