#5 – Holy Sex – Part 2 In Love for Life Building or Rebuilding a Great Marriage Mike Mazzalongo

Review Spirituality/Sexuality

Review Spirituality/Sexuality Sex = Spiritual Physical

Review Spirituality/Sexuality Sex = Spiritual Physical Oneness Spiritual Truths

Review Spirituality/Sexuality Sex = Spiritual Physical Oneness Spiritual Truths Sex is Holy

Review Spirituality/Sexuality Sex = Spiritual Physical Oneness Spiritual Truths Sex is Holy Not all sex is Holy

Case Study “Brenda kept apologizing for the feelings she was sharing. She didn’t want to hurt her husband, Kevin, but she’d kept her thoughts hidden for too long. Now, for the sake of her marriage, she was glad that everything was finally coming out. Kevin was sitting next to Brenda in my counseling office, but he wished he could be somewhere else.”

Case Study “ ‘I know I’m not supposed to exaggerate,” Brenda began, ‘but it seems that every time we’re alone, Kevin makes some sexually suggestive comment aimed at getting me to have sex with him. I feel like he must spend his days coming up with new lines to try and get me to say yes.

Case Study And if it’s not a comment, it’s a grab. I can be cooking or doing the dishes, and he’ll come up behind me and plant both of his hands on my breasts. A hug would be great. But he can’t seem to touch me without it being an erogenous zone.’”

Case Study “Now Kevin really wanted to be somewhere else. Brenda assured me that she didn’t hate sex. ‘I can get aroused, and sometimes I even have an orgasm. But the more Kevin pushes, the less I want to have sex. The more he talks about ‘doing it,’ the more I feel that sex between us is just that: a cold impersonal ‘it.’

Case Study And have you begun to feel like an ‘it’ too?’ I asked. ‘Yes. Yes I have.’” “Now Kevin wanted me to be somewhere else. Brenda’s story is another sad example of how much we’re missing in our sex lives. By losing sight of sex as a holy act, we’re depriving ourselves of the richness and deep satisfaction that God designed it to provide.

Case Study “Since sex is invested with so much spiritual meaning, that should affect the way we approach our moments of sexual intimacy – but how? When we acknowledge the truth that sex on God's terms is sacred, we can stop fighting about frequency, positions, and who initiates it.” - “Sacred Sex” T.A. Gardner Waterbrook Press 2002

What Kevin didn’t get… #1 Reason for sex is unification.

Oneness outside of sex promotes oneness within sex

What Brenda didn’t get… It’s not just about Her needs

Whenever we make orgasm the goal of sex, we fail to experience holy sex. For example: Masturbation

The Big “O” in sexual experience is not orgasm, it’s oneness.

Hebrew Word “Yada” = To Know

“Adam knew his wife and she conceived” Gen. 4:1

Dutch Word “Naaien” = To Sew

God sews us together in marriage through human sexuality.

Sex pursued for its own pleasure always follows the path of diminishing return.

The pursuit of oneness affects not only the way we think about sex, but also the way we experience it was well.

I Cor. 7:3-4 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

I Cor. 7:5 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

In sexual union my focus is her pleasure, not my own. And her focus is my pleasure, not her own.

Homework Find a time to pray together.

Homework Find a time to pray together. 1. Confess sin to each other.

Homework Find a time to pray together. 1. Confess sin to each other. 2. Bless each other

Homework Find a time to pray together. 1. Confess sin to each other. 2. Bless each other 3. Practice oneness outside of sex.