Bullying Facilitated by Lori Zierl Pierce County UW-Extension Family Living Agent

2 Objectives Participants will: Understand the harmful effects bullying has on the development of large numbers of children Be able to distinguish between normal conflict & bullying, teasing & taunting, play fighting & real aggression, flirting & sexual harassment Learn how to respond to bullies, victims and bystanders in helpful ways

3 Definitions A person is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly, and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more persons. (Olweus, 1991) Bullying is a conscious, willful, and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression, and create terror. (Coloroso, 2003)

4 Four Markers of Bullying An imbalance of power Intent to harm Repeated over time Terror

5 Contempt Bullying is not about anger, it is about contempt Allows kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion, or shame.

6 Contempt (continued) A sense of entitlement An intolerance toward differences A liberty to exclude

7 Types of Bullying Verbal Physical Relational

8 Verbal Bullying Quick and painless for the bully Extremely harmful to the target Becomes normalized and the target dehumanized

9 Physical Violence Accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying Most likely to move on to more serious criminal offenses Most troubled of all bullies

10 Relational Bullying Most difficult to detect Most powerful in the middle years Used to alienate and reject a peer or to purposefully ruin friendships

11 Family Risk Factors for Bullying Lack of warmth and parental involvement Overly-permissive parenting (lack of limits) Lack of supervision by parents Harsh and inconsistent disciplinary practices A model for bullying behavior

12 Normal Conflict is Not Bullying Characteristics of normal peer conflict vary with age and development levels Normal conflict includes: Teasing Arguing Concerns related to rules and fairness

13 Teasing Is Not Taunting Teasing is a fun thing you do with friends Taunting is a choice to bully someone for whom you have contempt

14 Teasing Teaser and person teased easily swap roles Innocent in motive Not intended to hurt the other person Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing

15 Taunting Imbalance of power Intended to harm Sinister in motive Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning comments disguised as jokes Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects

16 Bullying Versus Play Fighting Facial expressions Free to participate versus forced or challenged Full force Alternating versus unilateral roles Stay together vs. separate

17 Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment Flirting Reciprocal; goes both ways Flattering or complimentary; not demeaning Boosts self-esteem; makes you feel good/special Sexual Harassment Unwanted and one-sided Degrading and disrespectful Receiver feels powerless Receiver feels humiliated or embarrassed

18 What About? Cliques Hazing Racist bullying Gangs Cyber bullying

19 Effects of Bullying on Perpetrators Themselves More court convictions & jail time Commit more serious crimes More driving offenses & drunk driving More alcoholism & mental health problems

20 Dealing With Bullies Nurture empathy Teach friendship skills Use non-violent discipline Intervene immediately with discipline Create opportunities to “do good” Teach socially acceptable behaviors

21 The Bullied The one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common is that they were targeted by a bully

22 Warning Signs of Being Bullied Lack of interest in or refusal to go to school Drop in grades Withdraws from family and school activities Plays alone or prefers to hang out with adults Makes beeline to bathroom when arriving home Stops talking about peers and everyday activities

23 Four Antidotes to Bullying Strong sense of self Being a friend Having at least one good friend Being able to successfully get into a group

24 Effective Group Entry Strategies Teach them to: Observe the group and ask questions Manage their hurt feelings

25 Why Kids Don’t Tell Ashamed of being bullied Afraid of retaliation Don’t think anyone can help them Don’t think anyone will help them Have learned that “ratting” on a peer is bad

26 Telling Is Not Tattling Tattling – if it will only get another child in trouble Telling – if it will get you or another child out of trouble If it is both, I need to know (Coloroso)

27 If Your Child Is Bullied Don’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully’s behavior Don’t rush to solve the problem for your child Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully Don’t tell your child to fight back Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone

28 If Your Child Is Bullied Reassure them it is not their fault There are things you can do: Help them develop new friendships Teach them to be confident Teach them to be assertive Report the bullying to school personnel

29 How To Report Arrange a meeting with school personnel Bring the facts in writing Develop a plan Find out what procedures the bully will be going through If problem is not addressed adequately, take to school board or police

30 Bystanders Anyone who knows that bullying is happening “There are no innocent bystanders” Author William Burroughs

31 The Bullying Circle by Dan Olweus. PhD Bullies Followers/Henchmen Supporters/Passive Bullies Passive Supporters/Possible Bullies

32 The Bullying Circle (Continued) Disengaged Onlookers Possible Defenders Defenders of the Target

33 Reasons For Not Intervening Afraid of getting hurt himself Afraid of becoming a new target Afraid of doing something that will only make the situation worse Does not know what to do

34 Changing Bystander Behavior Promote the development of empathy Improve recognition of bullying Teach children strategies they can use to be helpful

35 Caring Schools Gather information Establish clear rules about bullying Train all adults Provide adequate adult supervision Improve parental awareness

36 Criminal Justice System Statutory laws Considered illegal based upon age of offender Developed to protect youth against themselves and society against their immature judgment No statutory protections for youth that are bullied

37 Summary There are clear harmful effects from bullying on the development of large numbers of children Bullying has a devastating impact on children’s ability to focus on academics at school Bullying is a serious problem for school-age children and one for which they receive limited adult help

38 Summary (Continued) Bullying is a complex, distressing problem for children that requires intervention on multiple levels. There are strategies to decrease bullying at the individual child, peer group, and school-wide levels

39 Resources The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School-How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence Barbara Coloroso, 2003 Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do Dan Olweus, 1993

40 Resources (Continued) Sticks and Stones: Changing the Dynamics of Bullying and Youth Violence Katherine Kocs, 1999 Steps to Respect: A Bullying Prevention Program ( ) Stop Bullying Now.

41 Lori Zierl Family Living Agent UW-Extension Pierce County Pierce County Office Building 412 West Kinne Street, P.O. Box 69 Ellsworth, WI , ext University of Wisconsin-Extension, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and Wisconsin counties cooperating. UW-Extension provides equal opportunities in employment and programming, including Title IX and ADA.