Razorblades for Breakfast What You Can Do About Mean, Sarcastic, Argumentative, Manipulating and Otherwise Difficult Co-Workers Presenter: Andrew Sanderbeck

Let’s Discuss… Specific tips to use with the manipulator Specific tips to use with the manipulator Different approaches to better manage the mean person/people in your organization Different approaches to better manage the mean person/people in your organization A 3 step process for dealing with Mr. and Mrs. Sarcastic A 3 step process for dealing with Mr. and Mrs. Sarcastic An approach for working with and around people that would rather argue than cooperate An approach for working with and around people that would rather argue than cooperate

In Many Ways…

“There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function.”― C. JoyBell C.

Discussion Question #1 What are some of the manipulating co- worker behaviors you are dealing with or have dealt with in the past?

How to Spot and Stop Manipulators In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.

Four common characteristics of most manipulative individuals They know how to detect your weaknesses. Once found, they use your weaknesses against you. Through their shrewd machinations, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self- centered interests. In work, social, and family situations, once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.

6 tips for keeping manipulators at a distance, or breaking free

Consider your relationship with the manipulator, and ask the following questions: Am I being treated with genuine respect? Are this person’s expectations and demands of me reasonable? Is the giving in this relationship primarily one way or two ways? Ultimately, do I feel good about myself in this relationship?

6 tips for keeping manipulators at a distance, or breaking free Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions For example: “Does this seem reasonable to you?” “Does what you want from me sound fair?” “Do I have a say in this?” “Are you asking me or telling me?” “So, what do I get out of this?” “Are you really expecting me to [restate the inequitable request]?"

6 tips for keeping manipulators at a distance, or breaking free

8 Ways To Say “No” “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something.” “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something.” “I hear what you’re saying, but …” “I hear what you’re saying, but …” “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.” “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.” “This doesn’t meet my needs now” “This doesn’t meet my needs now” “I’m not the best person to help on this.” “I’m not the best person to help on this.” “No, I can’t.” “No, I can’t.” “No, I won’t” “No, I won’t”

Discussion Question #2 What are some of the mean co-worker behaviors you are dealing with or have dealt with in the past?

“We often see powerful people behave aggressively toward less powerful people when their competence is questioned.” “We often see powerful people behave aggressively toward less powerful people when their competence is questioned.”

Does Your Boss Feel Threatened By You? “People who are skilled and well-liked are the most frequent targets precisely because they pose a threat.” “People who are skilled and well-liked are the most frequent targets precisely because they pose a threat.”

Look At What You Are Doing

Enlist Help Enlist Help

Principles to Remember Know that most people act aggressively at work because they feel threatened Know that most people act aggressively at work because they feel threatened Ask yourself whether you’re being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situation Ask yourself whether you’re being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situation Call out the inappropriate behavior in the moment Call out the inappropriate behavior in the moment

Principles to Remember Take the blame — mean people pick targets that are highly skilled and well- liked Take the blame — mean people pick targets that are highly skilled and well- liked Escalate the situation until you’ve tried to solve it informally and with the help of your allies Escalate the situation until you’ve tried to solve it informally and with the help of your allies Suffer unnecessarily — if the situation persists and you can leave, do it Suffer unnecessarily — if the situation persists and you can leave, do it

Discussion Question #3 What is the worst thing about working with someone who is sarcastic?

1. Maintain self-control when you witness sarcastic humor at work 2. Give the sarcastic commentator an empty look. Don't respond. 3. Deal with ugly comments by saying, "That's not been my experience," or "I don't see it that way."

Polling Question #4 Why is it difficult for you to work with people that are argumentative?

1. Stay calm and acknowledge what the person says. For example, say something such as, "I hear what you're saying." 2. Identify with the person's concerns as much as possible to diffuse their argument and move things toward a resolution. 3. Explain your viewpoint with tact and diplomacy 4. Calmly give your co-worker two choices if she refuses to engage in a rational discussion.

If you're unwilling to discuss the issue with your co-worker when he approaches, let him know. For example say, "I can see that you are upset, and I am willing to discuss it with you later. Unfortunately, now is not a good time."

If your argumentative co-worker won't take your cue and calm down, excuse yourself. Do not waste your time talking to someone that won't be reasonable.

Never return rude remarks or harsh comments to an argumentative co-worker. To do so will invite further rude and harsh remarks from the co- worker and delay a possible resolution.

Polling Question I learned at least one thing today that I can immediately apply! Yes Yes No No

Questions/Comments

Thanks for Attending

Don’t Stay and Suffer

Call Out the Bad Behavior