WHAT IS MARRIAGE REALLY? Living in sin, pieces of paper, & the same sex debates

“LIVING IN SIN” – BON JOVI I DON'T NEED NO LICENSE TO SIGN ON NO LINE AND I DON'T NEED NO PREACHER TO TELL ME YOU'RE MINE I DON'T NEED NO DIAMONDS I DON'T NEED NO NEW BRIDE I JUST NEED YOU, BABY TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE I KNOW THEY HAVE A HARD TIME AND YOUR DADDY DON'T APPROVE BUT I DON'T NEED YOUR DADDY TELLING US WHAT WE SHOULD DO

“LIVING IN SIN” – BON JOVI NOW THERE'S A MILLION QUESTIONS I COULD ASK ABOUT OUR LIVES BUT I ONLY NEED ONE ANSWER TO GET ME THROUGH THE NIGHT AND I SAY… BABY, CAN YOU TELL ME JUST WHERE WE FIT IN I CALL IT LOVE THEY CALL IT LIVING IN SIN IS IT YOU AND ME OR JUST THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN WE'RE LIVING ON LOVE THEY SAY WE'RE LIVING IN SIN

“LIVING IN SIN” – BON JOVI IS IT RIGHT FOR BOTH OUR PARENTS WHO FIGHT IT OUT MOST NIGHTS THEN PRAY FOR GOD'S FORGIVENESS WHEN THEY BOTH TURN OUT THE LIGHTS OR WEAR THAT RING OF DIAMONDS WHEN YOUR HEART IS MADE OF STONE YOU CAN TALK BUT STILL SAY NOTHING YOU STAY TOGETHER BUT ALONE OR IS IT RIGHT TO HOLD YOU AND KISS YOUR LIPS GOODNIGHT THAT PROMISE IS FOREVER IF YOU SIGN IT ON THE DOTTED LINE

“LIVING IN SIN” – BON JOVI OH BABY CAN YOU TELL ME JUST WHERE WE FIT IN I CALL IT LOVE THEY CALL IT LIVING IN SIN IS IT YOU AND ME OR JUST THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN WE'RE LIVING ON LOVE THEY SAY WE'RE LIVING IN SIN HEY BABY, CAN YOU TELL ME JUST WHERE WE FIT IN? I CALL IT LOVE THEY CALL IT LIVING IN SIN OH IS IT YOU AND ME OR JUST THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN WE'RE LIVING ON LOVE OR ARE WE LIVING IN SIN? I DON’T KNOW JUST WHERE WE FIT IN SOMETIMES IT SCARES ME LIVING IN SIN I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE FIT IN LIVING IN SIN

Apart from a piece of paper, what’s the difference between living together and being married? Who is more married – those who live together in love, or those who are legally married but who ‘fight it out most nights’? What’s the difference? What makes a marriage? Why does marriage seem to be so important to God? DISCUSS

WHAT IS MARRIAGE? In the language of the bible, marriage is a relationship in which two things happen: 1.Each partner makes themselves completely vulnerable to the other – nothing held back, nothing protected, complete abandon, total risk. No back up plan. No exit strategy – no back door. 2.Each partner puts a promise around the other – essentially saying ‘before you make yourself vulnerable, before I take anything from you, I am giving you my promise to lay my life down for you in every sense. Marriage is God’s way of protecting people – particularly women – from allowing the first part to be taken, without the second part being given. (This is the essence of Ephesians 5)

“Love is handing your heart to someone and taking the risk that they will hand it back because they don’t want it. That’s why it’s such a crushing ache on the inside. We gave away a part of ourselves and it wasn’t wanted. Love is a giving away of power. When we love, we give the other person the power in the relationship. They can do what they like with our love. They can reject it, they can accept it.” “A decision not to risk again is a decision not to love again. They go together.”. - Rob Bell, Sex God

WHAT IS MARRIAGE? It’s not about morality, religion, or making it legal. That’s a contract, not a covenant, not a promise. It’s about being people that promise to give before they take. It’s about recognising the vulnerability of others and promising to place nurture and protection around them. It’s about pledging your wealth, your welfare, your very life in security against the chance that anybody is ever exploited by you. It’s etching this concept as the core of your character in how you relate to others and guard against your own selfishness. Most powerfully and to the greatest extreme in your most intimate relationship. It is about embodying something more powerful than this world, it’s desires and our own black hearts. It is a death sentence for selfishness and a commitment to choose life. That’s what marriage is.

“In a purely political or legal contract, the stipulations are the centre of the arrangement. In the biblical covenant, the relationship is central and prior to [any] stipulations. The stipulations exist to serve the relationship” - Michael D Williams, Far As The Curse Is Found

“He said that exploiting women for sex didn’t just rob them of their humanity, it robbed him of his as well.” - Rob Bell, Sex God

“When it’s just sex, then that’s all it is. It leaves the person deeply unconnected. You can be having sex with many, and yet you’re alone. And the more sex you have, the more alone you are. And it’s possible to be sleeping alone, and celibate, and to be very sexual. Connected with many. It’s also possible to be married to somebody and sharing the same bed and be very disconnected. It’s possible to be married to somebody and sharing the same bed and even having sex regularly and still be profoundly disconnected. If there are secrets that haven’t been shared, topics that can’t be discussed, things from the past that are forbidden to be brought up, it can cripple a marriage. And so they’re sleeping together, but they’re really sleeping alone. - Rob Bell, Sex God

“Sex becomes a search. A search for something they’re missing. A quest for the unconditional embrace. So they go from relationship to relationship, looking for what they already have. But sex is not the search for something that’s missing. It’s the expression of something that’s been found. ” - Rob Bell, God Sex

In sexuality and in our relationships we are supposed to embody God’s vulnerability, his promise of selfless protection toward others, and the oneness and unity that those elements create. We can’t do that when our hearts walk with a limp – if we are closed, protecting ourselves, or managing bitterness or anger. Bitterness and anger are false strength. Real power lies in forgiveness and healing. What can you do to make forgiveness one of the foundations of your relationship? DISCUSS

We seem to act as if we have to ‘protect’ marriage. You can’t violate marriage…marriage is an embodiment of God. God doesn’t fear us, nor need our protection.

We need to promote the rights and protection of our entire society. In its ignorance, the State is trying to equalise marriage as another ‘right’. Marriage isn’t a right, it’s a promise. It’s a death sentence to selfishness. Your benefit at my expense. If need be, I will die so that you might live.

All ‘partnerships’ should be entitled to legal protection. But that is a contract not a covenant. Although they use the word, this isn’t really ‘marriage.’ And this is not simply a ‘gay’ issue. What most heterosexual couples possess isn’t really marriage. Our job is not to ‘protect’ the legal status of marriage. Our job is to demonstrate what marriage really is. The problem is many of us don’t embody this either.

Are we embodying what marriage really is? Do we embody the sexuality of freedom, connectedness and openness that comes from being connected with ourselves and God? Do we display this wholeness regardless of whether we are single or in a relationship? And when we enter a relationship (romantic or otherwise) do we place the other person’s benefit above ours and promise our sacrifice for their gain? This is the way of the cross. This is what marriage really is. This is the way to real life. IN CLOSING