Interpersonal Communication

I. Self-Disclosure A. Definition revealing personal information that wouldn’t be easily discovered any other way B. Appropriate self-disclosure is an important communication skill. It should be mutual and gradual in order to develop and strengthen our interpersonal relationships.

II. Communication Climate Definition overall feeling or emotional mood between people

II. Communication Climate A. aggression putting your needs first B. assertion stating what you feel, need, or want C. deference putting your needs last

III. Conflict What is Conflict? A disagreement through which parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns

III. Conflict Types of Conflict A.overt - out in the open B. covert - hidden

III. Conflict C. How Do Conflicts Occur? 1. Misunderstandings 2. Defending Turf 3. Not Feeling Heard 4. Hurt Feelings 5. Escalations

Communication Danger Signs 1) Escalation Responding back and forth negatively with each other leads to increased anger and frustration 2) Invalidation Putting down the thoughts, opinions, or character of another often causes more damage than we realize

Communication Danger Signs 3) Negative Interpretation Making negative and unfair assumptions about what another person was thinking 4) Withdrawal or Avoidance Anything from getting up and leaving the room to tuning out or shutting down during an argument

Conflict Management Styles Avoiding – Will it go away? Dominating – Force and power to resolve conflict Integrating – Cooperative, both sides are satisfied Obliging – Accommodating, one side gives in Compromising – Each party gives so each wins and loses

Strategies for Resolving Conflict Active listening Reversing roles Fair fighting * stick to the present * describe behavior * avoid pushing buttons

The Negotiation Model 1. State what you want 2. State how you feel 3. Give reasons for your wants and feelings 4. State your understanding of the other person’s position 5. Create a plan to resolve the conflict

IV. Characteristics of Personal Relationships A.Commitment - created by the investment of time and emotions

IV. Characteristics of Personal Relationships B. Relationship Rules – expectations, what is/is not allowed

IV. Characteristics of Personal Relationships C. Contexts – family, friends, society

IV. Characteristics of Personal Relationships D. Relational Dialectics – competing needs in a relationship 1. autonomy/connection - individual independence balanced with the need for the other; distance and availability 2. novelty/predictability - newness balanced with repetition; - spontaneity balanced with routine 3. openness/closedness - sharing balanced with reclusion[shutting out] - approachable balanced with aloofness

V. Stages of a Romantic Relationship A. Escalating 1. invitational – flirting/talking 2. explorational – getting to know each other 3. intensifying – you’re in “love” and everything is wonderful 4. revising – you realize they’re not perfect but you still love them

V. Stages of a Romantic Relationship B. Navigating – day-to-day relationship people will live up to your expectations do your thoughts/words/actions: supportive/destructivecaring/indifferent encourage/discourageavailable/distant expand/limitoptimistic/pessimistic heal/woundloving/apathetic creating a healthy relationship is a conscious effort; left unattended, it will decline.

V. Stages of a Romantic Relationship C. Deterioration 1. dyadic breakdown – stop being nice 2. intrapsychic phase[psychic-human soul or mind] – thinking seriously about breaking up 3. dyadic phase [of two parts] – fights 4. social phase – what you tell your friends 5. grave dressing – getting over it. This is complete separation - physical, mental, and emotional

V. Stages of a Romantic Relationship D. FORGIVENESS and THANKFULNESS for yourself and the other to fully move on