Diakonos Counseling Essential Elements for Developing a Healthy Marriage

 “However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” NIV Ephesians 5:33 Ephesians 5:33

 Dr. David Olson says “Change is inevitable but growth is intentional. We seriously over- estimate what we can accomplish in one day’s time, and we seriously under-estimate what we can accomplish in one year’s time.  Romans chapter 12

FOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL CORE ISSUES THAT IMPACT CHANGE  Self-Talk Proficiency  Mood Management  Behavior Modification  Stress Resistance

THREE POWERFUL EMOTIONS THAT IMPACT CHANGE  Love  Fear  Anger

TOOLS IN THE DEVIL’S WORKSHOP  Low-Self-Esteem  Perfectionism  Criticism  Contempt  Defensiveness  Stonewalling

HARLEY’S FOUR LOVE BUSTERS  Angry Outbursts  Disrespectful Judgements  Selfish Demands  Thoughtless Decisions Dr. Richard Harley Dr. Richard Harley

THE RELATIONSHIP CLOCK  Love is a Choice Robert Hemfelt Ed.D. - Frank Minirth M.D. - Paul Meier M.D.

FOUR DYNAMICS THAT WILL DESTROY A MARRIAGE  Escalation  Invalidation  Withdrawal and Avoidance  Negative Interpretations Fighting for Your Marriage Fighting for Your Marriage Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg

THE COMMUNICATION-CONSIDERATION QUADRANT

COMMUNICATION: THE FOUR BASIC KEYS TO SUCCESSFULLY COMMUNICATING WITH ANYONE  Timing  Tone  Content  Non-verbal

COMMUNICATION: TAKING THE RIGHT STEPS IN THE RIGHT ORDER  Step 1: Conversations for Understanding  Step 2: Conversations for Decisions

COMMUNICATION: REACHING FOR LEVELS OF EXCELLENCE Level 5…..PRN Level 4…..Feeling Level 3…..Belief Level 2…..Fact Level 1…..Cliché

BELIEVE THE EXPERTS  Gary Smalley says that anger has 3 outlets. 1. Stuff it. 2. Spew it. 3. Study it. From Anger To Intimacy  Josh McDowell has said, “Rules and expectations without a relationship will equal rebellion.”  James Dobson said “The most vulnerable victims of family instability are the children.” Love Must Be Tough  Carl Rogers UPR Unconditional Positive Regard  Stephen Covey Habit #5: “Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood”  John Gottman NSO Negative Sentiment Over-ride  Leslie Vernick “Reacting versus Responding” Chapter 3 of How To Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong  Emerson Eggerichs “The Crazy Cycle” Love and Respect  Richard Harley “The Love Bank” His Needs, Her Needs  Gary Chapman Chapter 3 “Falling In Love” “The in-love experience does not focus on our own growth nor on the growth and development of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived.” The Five Love Languages

THE PATHOLOGY PROBLEM  Depression  Anxiety  Perfectionism  Anger  PTSD  Low Self-Esteem  Personality Disorder  Addiction  Medical

Diakonos Counseling Contact Info: 4200 Little Blue Parkway, Ste 360 Independence, MO Phone: Website: Facebook: Diakonos Counseling Thank you!