Nature of Conflict Conflict inevitable in relationships Management of conflict key Potential for growth or relationship crisis If not resolved…continues to grow

Conflict Hierarchy Continuum from daily hassles to crises Lowest end: ◦ Low levels of tension ◦ Little pressure for decisions Upper end: ◦ Increasing levels of tension ◦ Pressure for decisions

Conflict Process Decision Making Phase Problem Solving Phase Crisis Resolution Phase

Hierarchy of Conflict

Anger and Conflict Taboos found against the expression of anger and conflict Sociological Explanation ◦ Anger viewed as an indicator of relationship problems ◦ Socialized not to show anger Psychological Explanation ◦ Relationship insecurity

Sources of Couple Conflict Finances Family Issues Communication Styles Household Tasks Personal Tastes

“Fighting Fairly” Negotiate from adult position Avoid ultimatums If one loses, both lose Say what you really mean Own your feelings Avoid accusations and attacks State wishes clearly Check your perceptions Never use sex to settle disagreements Repeat the message you think you received Refuse to fight dirty Resist silent treatment Focus on issue Call time out Use humor Seek closure Crosby, 1991

Constructive and Destructive Approaches Constructive ◦ Focus on present rather than past issues ◦ Share both positive and negative feelings ◦ Accept mutual blame ◦ Search for similarities Destructive ◦ Brings up old issues ◦ Express only negative feelings ◦ Focus on people versus issues ◦ Emphasize differences Constructive approaches Lead to Growth and Intimacy