CONFLICT “ RESOLVING TERRITORIAL CONFLICTS BY USING POWER IS THE MOST ANCIENT WAY AND STILL MUCH PRACTICED” – DAN DANA

Objectives What is it? Levels Thinking strategically about it The psychology behind it Tools The conversation

What is it?  Your definition?  A condition between people who are task interdependent, where one or both feel angry, find fault with the other, and use behaviors that cause a business problem.

What behaviors tell us it’s present?

Usually what happens…. Most are prevented automatically every day by using social skills we have learned from the University of Life (Mom’s knee). But…..sometimes things escalate.

How do we typically handle?  Fight? or  Flight?

Are there different levels of Conflict? Blip - Mild and passes quickly. Not a pattern. Clash – Fight or flight, tension, stress, anger Crisis – Violation of law, relationship is clearly on the verge of termination, risk of violence

The Cycle (Biological) Trigger Perception of threat (thoughts) Anger (feelings) Acting out (behaviors) Example

Can we stop the cycle? Triggers? Probably not – we react Perception? Maybe Anger Normal & healthy – can’t chose not to be Acting out There is a choice

First…. ◦ We must recognize the need to have a conversation and then have the conversation….

How do we do that? Have a pre-meeting Prepare Hold the meeting & ensure agreement Have follow ups

The Other Cycle (also Biological) Conciliatory Gesture (Person A) Inhibitory reflex (Person B) Conciliatory Gesture (Person B ) Conciliatory Gesture (Person A) Example

The Cost

Team Mediation

Step 1 - Define the Issue This may take some thought. Helpful to refer to the conflict definition.

Step 2 - Define the Parties Who specifically is directly involved? Involve those who will offer ideas for solution, those you need buy in from and will be committed to the decision.

Step 3 - Get the Parties to the Table Send notification of the meeting – cc anyone that should have knowledge of it (no hidden agendas). Speak to all attendees to cover ground rules Don’t expect everyone to be thrilled.

Step 4 -Help the Parties define their interests  What is at stake (& what matters most) for each person at the table?  Ask for clarification if needed  If a solution is found that satisfies all interests, is problem solved?

Step 5 - Brainstorm Options Nominal Group Technique (NGT) modified for Team mediation (ie: Delbecq, Van de Ven & Gustafson – Greenbriar Press) ____________________________________ 1 - Ask each person to write down 3 ideas that may solve or address 2 - Go around the table - each person reports one idea 3 - Continue until all ideas are recorded. When a person runs out of ideas, they pass. This continues until everyone passes.

More of Step Facilitator reviews all by reading each one aloud 5- Each person selects their favorite 5 (or 3, etc.) Choose wisely – go with best options and team’s favorite. 6 – The list is read again. If the idea read is on someone’s favorite list, they raise their hand; votes are recorded

Step 6 - Test Options Are anyone’s interests negatively affected if we implement these ideas? If not, majority rules. If so, discuss further.

Step 7 - Action Plan & Commitment Detailed and specific – and a form of a contract How, who, how long, what deadline, what support and from who? (Specific) Ask for commitment from each

Preventative Mediation What is it? Should be practiced daily

Preventative Mediation Break the pattern – opting not to continue current behavior Common sense – not rocket science Feelings as data – step back and analyze. Use time as your ally

EXAMPLES YOU JUST DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER (DISTANCING) – YOU MAKE THE EFFORT POWER PLAY/DEMANDING CO-WORKERS – ASK FOR COOPERATION CRABBY ALL THE TIME/CRITICAL – OVERRIDE NATURAL INSTINCTS & ASK FOR INPUT/ADVICE

Examples If someone extends a conciliatory gesture, return it! For an emotional encounter - take the cognitive route, not the emotional one – step back (feelings as data)

As Professionals…. Be sensitive to the relationships of your co- workers. Analyze any conflict to determine all the causes – the better you understand, the more effectively you can resolve.