AFJROTC (PA-20092) Bullying Not In Our “House” CMSgt (Ret) Paul D. Moreau 22 July 2011

What is Bullying ? "A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons…” This definition includes three important components: 1.Aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions. 2.A pattern of behavior repeated over time. 3. Involves an imbalance of power or strength. Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Typical Bully Strong need to dominate; assertive w/ threats to get own way Positive attitude towards violence Quick tempered, easily frustrated, impulsive, gets into fights Finds it hard to conform to rules, antisocial/criminal behavior Stronger than peers, brags about his superiority over others Appears tough; shows little compassion for victims Almost always more popular than victim Aggressive and defiant to adults Good at talking themselves out of situations Not likely to stop on their own Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Types of Bullying Derogatory comments and bad names Social exclusion or isolation Hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting Lies and false rumors Having money or other things taken or damaged Being threatened or being forced to do things Racial bullying Sexual bullying Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet) Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Why They Do It… Strong needs for power and (negative) dominance Satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to others Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for their behavior with material or psychological rewards Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self- esteem. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies have high self-esteem, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills (Parents for Parents online resource) Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Future of Bullies Become less popular as they get older Underachieve in school Underachieve professionally Tend to abuse their partners and children Females tend to become mothers of bullies Higher probability of trouble with the law – 60% of boys identified as bullies between 6 th and 10 th grade are convicted of at least one crime by age 24 (normal avg is 5%) – 40% have 3 or more convictions by age 24 US Departments of Education and Justice

Impact on Victim Low self-esteem Health problems Poor grades Depression Suicidal thoughts Students deserve to feel safe at school. But when they experience bullying, these types of effects can last long into their future Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Suggested Steps for Parents of Victims Look for Symptoms: - unexplained reluctance to go to school, drop in grades; unusual anxiety, mood shifts, outbursts of anger; sleep disturbances; vague physical complaints, belongings that are missing, ripped or damaged; socially isolated, w/ few, if any, real friends Listen and Understand: - If you learn your child is being bullied, stay calm and give your child plenty of time to tell you how he or she feels. Be a good listener. Make it clear it’s not your child’s fault Penn State:

More Steps for Parents Don’t Say: - Do not tell a child who is being bullied to just ignore it. If that were possible, the child would not be asking you for help. Don’t suggest that your child simply fight back, this may increase your child’s chances of further victimization Encourage Speaking Out: - Encourage your child to tell you, a teacher, or another adult when they are having a problem. It’s important for them to let someone know early, before the situation escalates Penn State:

More Steps for Parents Advocate for Your Child: - Work with the school authorities to combat the bullying. Let the school authorities know about the problem and keep a written record of incidents, including dates and names of kids involved - Do not contact bully or bully’s family directly Penn State:

Suggested Steps for Parents of Bullies Take the problem seriously. Resist denying or discounting the problem Listen carefully and check out the facts. Don’t believe everything your child tells you. Children who bully are good at manipulating adults Check w/ school authorities of reports of your child’s bullying behaviors Explore reasons for your child’s negative behavior. Seek professional help if necessary Penn State:

More Steps for Parents of Bullies Hold the bully accountable Resist blaming yourself. Hold child responsible for own choices Make it clear to child that you take bullying seriously, and won’t tolerate such behavior in the future. Make it clear you expect all bullying activities to stop immediately Monitor the issue of bullying by questioning your child and regularly contacting the school to determine if his bullying behavior has stopped Penn State:

More Steps for Parents of Bullies Help the bully change behavior Develop a clear and simple system of family rules and enforce them Follow through with appropriate consequences for misbehavior. Do not use physical punishment! Spend more time with child and monitor his activities closely Build on your child’s talents and strengths, and help him develop less aggressive reaction patterns Reward child for positive, caring actions and peaceful problem solving Madeline Snyder, Ph.D.

Cyber-bullying Cyber-bullying is the use of Internet , instant messaging, chat rooms, cell phones, or other forms of information technology to deliberately and repeatedly hurt, taunt, ridicule, threaten or intimidate someone Communication: - Talk regularly with your child about on-line activities. Ask if their friends have rcvd mean s and txt/postings… Children are often more comfortable talking about issues indirectly. American Osteopathic Association

More Cyber-bullying Set Limits: - Firm guidelines for tech use, monitor that behavior Raise Awareness: - Talk about cyber-bullying. Explain that it is unacceptable Save the Evidence: - Save and copy the messages and websites, you may need this to take action. Tell your child "do not" respond to the bully and do not delete the "evidence" American Osteopathic Association

Phoebe Prince

Impact on Bystanders Feel afraid Feel powerless to change things Feel guilty Feel diminished empathy for victims

Bystanders 38% - None of my business 27% - I don’t do anything, but I think I should help 35% - Try to help victim

Our “House” If you’re being bullied…. If you’re bullying a fellow student… If you’re a bystander to bullying… Together we can build a culture of mutual respect… We don’t know what we don’t know!