Family Life Certification Module 3 The Family as a System

Biblical Model of the Church Family Eph 4:11-13 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. NIV

Biblical Model of Family Eph 4:15-16 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. NIV

The Linear Model of Family Relationships

Highly focused on individual roles Optimal when everyone submits and follows without questioning Father usually dictates the direction for everyone. Change only occurs when father sees the need for change.

The Linear Model of Family Relationships Natural outcomes Frustration, blaming and faultfinding from those lower in the hierarchy toward those at the upper levels Lower members resort to manipulation, nagging and other behaviors to get attention and to assert their influence.

The Systems Model

Family as a System Each person is a part of a larger system but each is a complex system of systems and is influenced from “below” as well as “above.”

Homeostasis (Balance) Systems seek stability, equilibrium, a resting state. Homeostasis is the internal interactional process that helps maintain family balance whenever that balance is disrupted. When anxiety levels increase, family members attempt first aid, seek to comfort the injured and provide reassurance to each other. Homeostasis is sought even when behavior or events deviate from acceptable norms

Homeostasis (Balance) The Positive Side “Homeostasis helps families maintain a steady state in the presence of significant internal and external pressures and function effectively in stressful situations. (Blevins, 1993, p. 27)” Stable families bring stability to the church and to the community

Homeostasis (Balance) The Downside Families may go to great lengths to cover up any unsettledness and deny any need for adjustment because the system is not willing to change Families can maintain homeostasis but be in a very dysfunctional state Managing to cope Hurting inside Don’t enjoy optimal emotional, social or spiritual health. Homeostasis healthy family functioning

Challenges to Family Ministries Most families do not seek to disturb the status quo It is the work of family ministries to stir things up so people will wake up to the need for change in order to live the abundant life promised in the Bible.

Boundaries

Types of Boundaries Permeable Open Diffuse Semipermeable Flexible Porous Impermeable Closed Rigid

Boundaries

Triangulation A B c

Advice Against Triangulation Matthew 18:15 Go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. A B c

Some System Roles Caretakers Takes care of everything from meals to listening, peacemaking Often taken for granted Assume responsibilities for others to the neglect of their own emotional needs Feel guilty if they are doing something for themselves Over time, they experience frustration, fatigue and chronic anger

Some System Roles Hero People pleaser and overachiever Ensures that the family looks good Feels good only when they live up to other’s expectations Neglect their own needs and ambitions in order to give Feel guilty and depressed when they fail at some task

Some System Roles Mascots The family clown Seeks to mask pain by joking and entertaining Have difficulty expressing their own feelings Anger and unhappiness is masked with humor Often the center of attention but incapable of asking for help to meet personal needs

The Scapegoat Takes the blame for system breakdowns Suffer from personal worthlessness Carries a profound sense of guilt and shame Vulnerable to substance abuse, compulsions Usually anti-social Some System Roles

The Lost Child Copes by avoidance Withdraws from crisis and shuts down emotionally As children, they are quiet, mild-mannered and inconspicuous As adults, they may be isolated and unattached Hesitates to express emotions or disagree with others Some System Roles

Implications for Family Ministries Understanding the family as a system helps us to understand people and their behaviors Helps us to realize that in family ministries, the primary target is the entire family with its complex relationships Points to the need for programs that engages the family as a whole or at least addresses its subsystems Systems thinking helps us to understand the role of affirmation, to help families build on their strengths as they recognize their resistance to change and growth

Implications for Family Ministries Leads us to resources that can be helpful to families in coping with crisis and change Helps us to realize the strength and benefits found in the family system as opposed to emphasis on individualism Wakes us up to a re-emphasis on the family as the basis system within which individuals can grow Helps us to see the larger picture of an individual in a system Helps us to appreciate the benefits and blessings of the family system as the primary setting for living

References & Bibliography Taken from NAD Curriculum for Family Life Certification, 2005; references on pp 56, 57