Healthful Friendships

What is a healthful friendship? • A balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behavior Improves the quality of life • Friends… take a personal interest in each other support each other encourage each other participate in social activities together

“A friend is a gift you give yourself.” “To have a friend, you must be a friend.”

Conversation Keepers/Killers Asking questions Showing interest in others Listening carefully Responding to others Encouraging others Being positive Making eye contact Sharing ideas/feelings Encouraging others to talk Talking about yourself Appearing disinterested Interrupting Changing the topic Bragging Complaining Avoiding eye contact Talking about others Dominating the conversation

Rejection Everyone experiences rejection Rejection: the feeling of being unwelcomed or unwanted How should you respond? Anger? Bury feelings? Don’t care?

Balanced Friendships Friendship requires the commitment of 2! Balanced friendship: 2 people give and receive from each other acts of kindness EQUAL giving and receiving!!

Ways to Give and Receive Giving Receiving Listening Helping celebrate success Buying special gifts Listening Accepting gifts or help Express gratitude

One-Sided Friendships One-sided friendship: a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other person does most of the receiving Why? People Pleasers Don’t know how to receive from others

People pleaser: person who constantly seeks the approval of others – Insecure – Give to be liked and noticed by others

“Users” People who do most or all of the receiving Take from others to get their needs met Little interest in meeting the needs of their “friends” The believe they always should come first Want to be in control of decisions They do not know how to become close to others

Ending Friendships Changing friends is a part of growing up! Why do friendships change? Friends may move away A friend may break confidence Interests change There are times when a person needs to be objective about and decide if a “friend” is a friend Encourages wrong actions contrary to one’s own values

Responsibility & decision making Locus of control Responsibility & decision making

Definition The extent to which individuals believe that they can control events that affect them. There are two types: Internal External

Internal vs. External The person believes they can control their life. Outcomes are a result of their own abilities Hard work leads to positive outcomes Every action has its consequences The person believes that their decisions & life are controlled by environmental factors. Blame others for the outcomes rather than themselves Luck Fate Powerful others

Example A student did not perform well on a test. What would be the reaction of a person who has an internal locus of control? What would be the reaction of a person who has an external locus of control?

How does it differ from person to person? Age Gender (depending on the topic) Cultures Stress

Tips for developing an Internal Locus of Control Set goals for yourself Develop decision making and problem solving skills Build self-confidence Pay attention to your self-talk

“The key for your own personal development is to understand your natural tendency for reaction and then adapt it to the situations you are faced with.”

Importance of setting goals Help people focus on particular issues or activities Due to the fact that a goal is often written, the person will be reminded that the issue still needs to be addressed and will continue their efforts to accomplish the goal. Once the goal is accomplished, the person may feel a sense of satisfaction. Promotes confidence and the challenge to attack more complicated and difficult issues.

Guidelines to keep in mind… Understand yourself Have a specific task in mind Be positive Be realistic Have control over the outcome Challenge yourself!

Six Steps in the goal setting process: Identify your goal in writing. If it’s not written, it is just a wish. Identify any short-term goals or steps necessary to achieve a long-term goal. Identify all resources that can assist you in achieving the goal. Identify alternative plans and solutions for any conflicts that may arise. Continue to improve and refine your plan. Evaluate. What went well? What could you improve on when pursuing a similar goal in the future?