Emotional Health Chapter 2

Fact or Fiction? Emotional health is not related to physical health. Once a person adopts values, they remain firmly fixed for a lifetime. It is best to reject illogical or unpleasant feelings. The most emotionally healthy people do not need the help of others-they stand alone on their own two feet. The primary problem people have in making new relationships is the fear of being rejected. The best way to solve a problem is to think up a solution and to concentrate on making it work. False True

Emotional Health… If you possess emotional health, you seek, value and maintain good relationships with yourself, others, and society. These type of relationships are key parts of total wellness. This leads a person to take care of themselves physically, eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest. These type of people also develop healthy personal relationships. Emotionally healthy people have also found ways to fit in and get along with the larger society to which they belong.

Emotionally Unhealthy People… Self destructive Often use and abuse alcohol and drugs. Often overeat, or under eat, overwork or work too little. They may take dangerous risks such as driving while intoxicated or participating in other illegal activities. These behaviors can lead to drug addictions, cancer, obesity, heart disease, accidents, and injuries.

Questions….?? How can you know if you are emotionally healthy? How can you improve your emotional health?

Self-Knowledge Self-knowledge is important for good mental health. Your relationship with yourself must support you throughout your lifetime. It also supports the relationships you have with others and society. When developing a good relationship with yourself, you need to think first about yourself! -Get to know YOU; and be happy about who you are! -Be able to honestly answer that you are honestly happy with the person you are and the way you feel about yourself!

Self Confidence Self confidence is ATTRACTIVE!! The emotional warmth, energy, and enthusiasm that seem to radiate from a confident person set up a sort of chain reaction. Before long, the people around you feel good too. WHO WOULDN’T WANT SOMEONE TO MAKE THEM FEEL THIS WAY, OR THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE SOMEONE FEEL THIS WAY?

Self Confidence and Conceited A person who is conceited is someone who has a falsely high opinion of himself/herself for traits that are imaginary or greatly exaggerated. Conceited is NOT attractive!! This type of person constantly puts on a show of being smart, tough, physically attractive, or rich. Other people’s opinions are overly important to such a person, because the person doesn’t have secure sense of self. You can almost sense that this person feels empty and insecure inside.

Self Confidence A person who is confident may be smart or tough, rich, or attractive, or may not be. Regardless, this person feels OK about his/her traits without over exaggeration. When you are with confident people how do you feel? Do you feel more confident or less confident? If you already feel like you have a low self confidence, do these people make you want to improve your confidence level? * Write this in your notebook!

Self Confidence & Self Knowledge Self confidence STARTS with Self Knowledge This is NOT given at birth. Human beings are usually only normally conscious of only a small part of themselves. To discover more takes a lot of learning and experiences that continue throughout your lifetime.

When does Self Knowledge start? This begins when you ask yourself, “Who am I?” Some may answer with “I am ‘First/Last Name”. You may also add what gender you are, or an important aspect you have of yourself, such as: “I am Coach Wilt, and I love teaching/coaching.” You may also go on to add your outward traits, such as your height, weight, age, occupation, and race. Beneath all of these surface traits, who are YOU really??

Becoming acquainted with YOU You must learn about the THREE parts of your private, internal world….your 1. Thoughts 2. Values 3. Emotions (feelings) Once you have evaluated these parts of your life, you can judge which parts serve you well and you wish to change-now and later.

Thoughts… This takes place in the outermost layer of the brain. This is called the brain’s cortex. Thoughts are conscious; you are always aware of them. Thoughts help you gather information about yourself and your world, and to make sense of it. Your thoughts also shape your actions. If you have destructive/negative thoughts, you will act in this manor. If you think constructively, with positive thoughts, you will act in a positive way.

Thoughts… A person can also acquire a peace of mind, reduced their stress level, and improve health. This is done simply through learning to think positively.  Debbie downers are NO fun!!  Training your mind to think positively is not always easy. It does require some effort, discipline and practice! The rewards at the end of the day are worth all of that work. Positive thoughts are believe to set the stage for positive life experiences!

Values… Values= your rules for behavior. More simply…what you view as right, or wrong. You first learn values from your family. You learn statements such as: “We work hard”, “We believe in education”, or “We stick together”. Values can change from time to time, and can remain a lifelong task.

Values Teen years are a time when most struggle to balance the values of their parents, and those they observe as peers. Some teens end up rejecting their parents’ values for awhile. HOWEVER, they end up returning to them as a proven rule for living.  Your values are a guide that point you in the direction of positive and negative weights to certain behaviors. For example, you may value sports and reading positively, but shopping and housework negatively. The weights you assign, guide you in either positive or negative thinking.

Values: Conscious & unconscious Sometimes you can state them in words, but many times they guide your behavior without your awareness. People who know themselves well are keenly aware of their values. This keeps them aware, and helps them choose the behavior without confusion. For example: A student who values honesty and is conscious of this value will choose without hesitation not to cheat on exams. Another student may have the same value, but not be aware of them. WHY?

Values…. You can also discover your values, by stating your beliefs. You might say, “I believe it is best to be honest.” This obviously means you value honesty 100%. For each value you have and that you state, you should ask the following questions: 1. Would I be willing to state this value to others? 2. How faithfully will I stand by this value when it is challenged, or when acting according to the value brings negative consequences? 3. Do I act consistently and repeatedly in line with this value?

Values conflicting… Sometimes you may have 2 conflicting values: 1. Value: having fun and enjoying life; Value: getting good grades, and needing to study. What do you choose? 2. Should I tell my friend a true but unpleasant fact or keep quiet to protect the friends feelings? (value: friendship) Learning to live by your values is an important part of emotional health.

Emotions Emotion is a feeling that occurs in response to an event as experienced by an individual. Some emotions may be placed from birth, such as affection, anger, and fear. Others, such as envy, and prejudice, are learned. The terms emotions and feelings are often used to mean the same thing. Sound experiences bring on different emotions as well. For example: the door opening-are you expecting someone? Could bring out a sense of fear or happiness depending on the situation.

Emotions Another example: Failing to reach a goal may bring out different emotions; impatience, anger, and irritation. The loss of a loved one(the experience of grief) brings a series of emotions, including both anger and sorrow.

Emotions We may have an emotion, but can’t pinpoint the reason for this emotion and the cause. Sometimes this is ignored because it does not make sense to the person. All feelings/emotions are acceptable and healthy. It is acceptable to feel anything. It may not be acceptable to act on all feelings, but you deal with them the best you can. Emotions build up, so it’s best to face whatever it is you are feeling sooner than later.

Growing toward emotional health… When you can do the following, you have grown toward emotional health: 1. Recognize all kinds of feelings in yourself. 2. Admit that you have all sorts of feelings. 3. Express all kinds of feelings in acceptable ways.

Expressing yourself… This can be and should be done physically. Speaking, writing, crying, shouting, laughing, or acting out the emotions. If you’re mad, calmly saying “I’m angry”, may not express your true feeling at the time. Someone who feels anger, but cannot express it holds it inside and builds resentment. It is much healthier to admit and to express anger in appropriate ways than to suppress it.

Dealing with emotions… It is NOT acceptable to harm another human being because your angry/upset/emotional. Doing nothing at all can be harmful to you, but you need to channel your emotions in a safe way. Do not be afraid to confront someone if you are upset about something!

Relating to Others… It is important to have a support group and/or a mentor that you can talk to you and seek help/advice from. Examples: Parents, sibling, aunt/uncle, cousin, grandparent/s, guardian, counselor, coach, best friend and/or their parent/s. *MANY possible choices for a support group or a mentor.

Dealing with Conflicts… Conflicts occur anywhere; home, school, work, friendships, extracurricular activities, etc. It is important to learn how to keep your cool and avoid conflicts and potential violence. Trust and tolerance can be forever lost-unless someone stops the conflict from continuing or happening.

Determining if it’s a conflict or an acceptable difference… First task is to decide if a true conflict exists. We all naturally express different viewpoints and react differently to different situations. Example: “Baseball is the greatest sport ever played”; “Wow, our team was terrible out there because our best player was sick…”; “You didn’t come to my party, so why should I go to yours?” Some may or may not agree because we all have different interests. Some people, however, waste energy by dwelling on past wrongdoing.

Strategies in resolving conflicts: With the right attitude, people can break down the barriers and create more trust, which is essential in resolving issues. Both attitudes need to be adjusted and should try to meet in the middle to discuss the conflict at hand: 1. Desire resolution; have a genuine desire to solve the problem. 2. join in teamwork; be willing to work together toward finding a solution. 3. strive for win-win; know that if each person helps meet the other’s needs, everyone’s needs can be satisfied. 4. honor the relationship; maintain/improve the friendship/partnership/community. 5. Be flexible, but firm; be flexible on how needs are met, but be firm that one’s needs will be met. 6. Be sincere 7. show courage 8. be open-minded.

Assertive, Not Aggressive, Communication You have to perform a balancing act between getting what you want and meeting the needs of other. MEETING IN THE MIDDLE! Sometimes the help of a mediator helps solve a conflict. However, be careful how you go about this because it could put more tension in the room, and make the other person feel attacked. Make sure there’s not sides taken.

Forming New Relationships… Sometimes you just need to find new friends. Some fear making new friends... Reaching out to other people does not lead to rejection; you have to be willing at first to face rejection and to handle it if it occurs. Understand that if you’re rejected it doesn’t mean you lost the battle of finding new friends. You just have to keep trying. If you’re shy keep this in mind: S …Smile O …Open posture F …Forward lean T …Touch E …Eye contact N …Nod

Making Decisions and Solving Problems… Name the problem and be sure it’s the real problem. Describe it specifically and name the problem’s parts. Brainstorm; name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they may seem. Think about each solution and list its advantages and disadvantages. How does it work with your values? Does it honor the values of your parents, and others whom you respect? Would it solve the problem? Would it affect both you and others for better/worse? What are its possible consequences? Choose a solution and ACT on it. Evaluate the outcome: Is the problem truly solved? What else happened? Would another solution work better?

Finding a Place in Society… All societies have expectations for their members, but not all societies are the same. People who differ from the majority of society may b e ostracized. (rejection and exclusion from society) Volunteer work is a good way to learn about different careers. Each person must work out a relationship with society that is rewarding. Finding suitable work is a major task that supports emotional health. Efforts to discover your own interests and talents are well spent.