RELATIONSHIPS & MARRIAGE MR. CHIS-LUCA

Topics of Discussion Relationships Communication Division of Household Labor Power & Conflict Stability of Relationships

4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse = troubled relationships: Criticism (women) Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling (men) Gender differences may contribute, but do not cause marital problems

5 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy: feelings of closeness Passion: romantic & sexual attraction Commitment: love exists & the relationship should continue Commitment: most important for relationship stability Consumate love: equal balance of all 3 components

Gender Issues in Friendships Women’s friendships= emotional intimacy & sharing Men’s friendships= activity based (homophobia=barrier to intimacy)

Intimacy/Love – are they feminized? Expression of feelings and self- disclosure Men may find emotional intimacy easier with women Homophobia: restrains men from seeking emotional intimacy with other men Emotional intimacy between men & women often includes sex

Dating Finding suitable marriage partners for companionship style marriages; 1920s Kind, physically attractive, considerate – desired characteristics regardless of sexual orientation Birds of a feather flock together; similarity is important

Concepts of Love & Marriage Reasons for selecting a partner Love Mutual attraction Intelligence Education Pleasing personality

Concepts of Love & Marriage Men have more traditional concepts of love & marriage Men are more romantic, i.e., would not marry without love, one perfect love, etc. Married men are physically & mentally healthier than unmarried men Married African American men report lower life satisfaction Both men & women find marriage more satisfying than cohabitation

Communication Women create emotional intimacy through talk & self-disclosure Men do so through activity, e.g., sex Most wives don’t count sex as communication or a method for establishing intimacy Communication= potential source of conflict

Communication Influenceability-power: women more easily influenced Women’s style: intimacy, Connections with others Men style: hierarchy, status

Household Labor Unequal division of labor Second shift: women work outside the home & perform the majority of housework & child care Wives do 2-3 times more housework & childcare Employed women do less housework Chores tend to be divided along gender stereotypes Gay & lesbian couples: share more equally

Household Labor Household work that women do increases when they: Are married Have lower levels of education Have children Household work that men do decreases when they: Are married Have lower levels of education Have children

Household Labor Potential source of conflict Social class important: working class couples are more likely to share 25-33% of wives believe their husbands are not doing a fair share Greatest satisfaction: division of chores almost equal

Marital Dissatisfaction Marital satisfaction has decreased over the past 20 years for both men & women Dissatisfaction with relationship inequalities Conflicts between work & family Unfair sharing of household work

Power 29 traditional roles: men have more power – can cause problems Majority of men & women believe in equal power, but don’t always report equal power in their relationship Women’s income: curvilinear relationship: no income=low power, more money=increasing power, more than husband=less power Money: an important factor in the power equation for heterosexual & lesbian and gay male couples

Conflict Decreases stability & satisfaction Increases the chance of dissolution Married couples less likely to break up & lower level of conflict, except in early years Women may avoid upsetting men Men tend to display more coercive styles of conflict resolution

Violent Relationships Not uncommon Equal balance of power=> less likely to involve physical violence Both women & men find physical violence acceptable as a conflict resolution strategy under some circumstances Women at a disadvantage in physical conflicts; more likely to sustain injury less stable, but some endure

Dissolving Relationships Love relationships without institutional support (marriage) more likely to dissolve 50% of marriages end in divorce Divorced report: ideal marriage= emotional intimacy, companionship & primacy, sexuality

Dissolving Relationships Women: didn’t get emotional intimacy, communication Men: didn’t get emotional support, physical affection Both: marriage lacked companionship & primacy Dissatisfaction with sexual relationship 34% had affairs Conflicts over: $, employment, power, division of household labor, sex->more likely to split Marital satisfaction was not a strong predictor – level of physiological arousal during

Divorce Women more likely to find something positive Men more likely to lose in the divorce Women experienced more symptoms of depression and heightened self-esteem and feelings of Competence Men experienced feelings of satisfaction from developing competencies in domestic chores Women tend to use support system

Behavioral Predictors of Divorce Wives: overly agreeable & compliant Husbands: Stonewalling Avoiding eye contact Holding the neck rigid Being unresponsive during an argument Couples: More defensive Wives: complained & criticized more & showed disgust Husbands: disagreed more & showed the miserable smile & fear

Effects of Divorce Men & women experience similar feelings Both see failures in achieving emotional intimacy Women: husbands had not talked & shared feelings; didn’t communicate Husbands: agreed with this & also believed that their wives failed to give them emotional support=physical affection Most keep their ideas of marriage & what it should be – find fault with their own marriage