Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO Culpeper County, Virginia (540) 727-3488 aculpeper@culpepercounty.gov

Who is Your Difficult Person?

Top 10 Most Difficult People 10.The Jurassic Park T-Rex Dinosaur 9. Co-Working Sniper 8. The Know-It-All 7. The Done-It-All 6. The Time Bomb 5. The “No Problem” Vendor 4. The Indecisive End-User 3. The Secret Agent 2. The Negative Person 1. The Whiner

Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target? Task Force Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target? T-Rex Whiner Precision Manipulate Know-it-All Negative Person Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Sniper Secret Agent Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Time Bomb Attention & Appreciation Consent Indecisive end-user Center of Attention Seeking Consent No Problem Teammate Done-it-All

We Always have Choices Do nothing and take it on the chin Wash your hands and walk away Change your attitude Change your behavior

Difficult Behavior and Your Behavior Difficult Persons Behavior The Random, or Intentional Outcome

Dealing with Difficult People We: Learn From The Past Manage The Present Visualize The Future

Control the Tense The Three Core Issues Are: Blame Values Choice Blame = Past Values = Present Choice = Future Who authorized the Change Order? Blame Should ethical procurement methods be used? Values Which method of procurement should we use? Choice

How Do We Talk with Difficult People? Logic: Influenced by reasoning of the facts. Character: Influenced by reputation, and ability to look trustworthy Emotions: Influenced by registering concern for other peoples emotions.

Rules of Engagement We Must Engage Action Body + + Emotion Heart Mind Action + Emotion Intelligence

Disagreement to Collaboration - Unconscious Communications Blending Redirecting

We Get What We Project & Expect Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth

We Get What We Project & Expect You become like the people you hang around. Always give people the benefit of the doubt. Appreciate criticism and Say “Thank you”. Don’t argue.

Difficult Person Type One: T-Rex Task Force Intent Get-R-Done Controlling Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent

What is the T-Rex’s Motivation? Blame Values Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Command Respect. Be Strong & Capable

Watch your emotion with the T-Rex because in anger you may… Counter Attack Attempt to defend, explain, or justify your position Shut down Your Goal? Command Respect & Be Strong & Capable

Action Plan with the T-Rex Hold your ground Interrupt the attack T-Rex has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) Promote peace with honor

What if Your T-Rex is Right, and You are Wrong? Never say “I’m sorry” Admit your mistake State it was a learning experience Will prevent this from happening again

Difficult Person Type Two: The Co-Working Sniper Task Force Intent Get it Done Appreciation Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Tell-Tell Signs of the Sniper Rude comments Sarcastic humor Bitter voice tone Insecurity

What is the Snipers Motivation? Blame Angry on how events turn out Values Carry grudges with anyone who interferes To undermine Just to get attention Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Bring them out of hiding

Action Plan The facial expression look back Use questions of intent Use relevant questions Look Innocent Use T-Rex’s strategies if needed

The Snipers Options Back off Keep going out on the limb until it breaks Drop out of the tree & attack like a T-Rex

Difficult Person Type Three: The Know-It-All Task Force Intent Get it done their way Questioning their authority Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Motivation of the Know-It-All Values Choice Our Strategy? Logic & Emotions Our Goal? Get them to think it was their idea

First Rule “Lock & Load” It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove

Action Plan Know the facts Look and listen like you’re interested Empathize with their doubts & desires Present your view indirectly Turn them into your mentor

Difficult Person Type Four: The Done It-All Person Task Force Intent Get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Motivation of the Done-It-All Values Attentive Assertive Like to be a part of the conversation Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Remove their bad ideas

Action Plan Show genuine interest with enthusiasm Clarify for specifics Tell it like it is Give them a break

Difficult Person Type Five: The Time Bomb Task Force Intent Try to get appreciated Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

When Will The Time Bomb “Go Off? Values Unknown Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Take Control of the Situation and Defuse the Time Bomb

Action Plan Get their attention Reduce intensity Put them in the “Time out” chair Preventive Maintenance

Difficult Person Type Six: The “No Problem” Vendor Intent Task Force Seek approval Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Getter Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Get them to do what they say they will do Can do, No Problem Choice All promises are made for the future Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Get them to do what they say they will do

Action Plan Open Communications Help them learn to plan Ensure Commitment Write it down Confirm deadlines Strengthen the Relationship

Difficult Person Type Seven: The Indecisive Person Intent Task Force Procrastinate Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Any decision is better than waiting on their indecision

What do you mean it’s not a Sole Source? Choice Procrastinates May be afraid of the Repercussions Our Strategy? Logic Our Goal? Help them to learn to think decisively

Action Plan Maintain a Comfort Zone Clarify Options Use Decision Making List Reassure and follow through

Difficult Person Type Eight: The Secret Agent Intent Task Force Get along Get it right Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

The Intent of the Secret Squirrel Blame Value Choice Our Strategy? Character Our Goal? Get them to squeal like a pig

Action Plan Plan enough time Ask open ended questions Use humor

Difficult Person Type Nine: The Negative End-User Intent Task Force Everyone is wrong Does not allow for change Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Motivated to be Negative Values Everyone is wrong Choice Does not like change Our Strategy? Emotions Our Goal? Help them solve the problem

Action Plan Go with the flow Use them as your Risk Manager Leave the door open Go for the polarity response Acknowledge their good intent

Difficult Person Type Ten: The Whiner Intent Task Force To complain Worry Precision Manipulate Be exactly Right Get-R-Done Comfort Zone Passive Comfort Zone Aggression Attention & Appreciation Consent Center of Attention Seeking Consent People Focus

Three Types of Whiners Helpful Whiner Therapeutic Whiner Obnoxious Whiner

Contributors to their Whining Voice The weight of the world on their shoulders, which grows heavier as they continue to find and collect problems. The effort required to whine about it. Feeling of uselessness since no one offers any useful ideas

The Motivation of the Whiner Blame To Complain To Worry Our Strategy? Emotions Our Goal? Recruit them as a Team Player

What to Do and Not to do for the Whiner Do Have Commitment Patience Compassion Don’t Agree or Disagree Solve their problems Ask why they are complaining

Action Plan Listen for the main points Interrupt & get down to the specifics Shift the focus to a solution Show them the future Draw the line

Dealing with Your Difficult Person The Core Issues Blame Values Choice Influence Logic Character Emotions

Dealing with Your Difficult Person Blend and Redirect Their Thoughts Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth

Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and Annoying People Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO Culpeper County, Virginia (540) 727-3488 aculpeper@culpepercounty.gov