CHAPTER 7 Listening, continued… Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 5 TYPES OF LISTENING RESPONSES Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Silent listening…  Staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback.  Right approach when interjections are not appropriate.  Silent listening can help others solve problems. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Questioning…  Most popular piece of language!  Reasons to ask sincere, nondirective questions:  To clarify meanings  To learn about others’ thoughts, feelings, wants  Ask open questions versus closed questions  To encourage elaboration  To encourage discovery  To gather more facts and details Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

But beware of…  Counterfeit questions!  Questions that trap the sender  Questions that make statements  Questions that carry hidden agendas  Question that seek “correct” answers  Questions based on unchecked assumptions Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Paraphrasing…  Paraphrasing: Feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent.  Types of paraphrasing statements:  Change the speaker’s wording  Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about.  Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Examples of Paraphrasing…  Speaker: “Bilingual education is just another failed idea of bleeding heart liberals.”  Paraphrase: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re mad because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but it doesn’t work?”  Speaker: “Lee is such a jerk. I can’t believe the way he acted last night.”  Paraphrase: “You think those jokes were pretty offensive, huh?” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Paraphrasing…  Paraphrasing assists listening  Find out if the message received is what the sender intended  Draw out further information from the speaker  Short-circuits a defensive spiral Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Paraphrasing: Two Levels  Use a questioning tone  Turn personal topics to a factual level  Paraphrase instructions, direction, and decisions before acting  Listen for thoughts, feelings, wants  Paraphrases don’t have to be long  Mix paraphrasing with other response.  May be awkward at first. Paraphrasing Factual InformationParaphrasing Personal Information Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Empathizing…  Shows that you identify with the speaker  What do the authors mean when they say, “Effective empathizing… is not a technique/skill… but emerges from a relationship”?  Identifies with the speaker's emotions and perceptions than paraphrasing  Offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Listeners are not empathizing when…  Denying others the right to their feelings.  Minimizing the significance of the situation.  Self-defending.  Raining on the speaker’s parade. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Supporting…  Reveals solidarity with the speaker’s situation.  Comforting ability/ social support = most important communication skills for friendship.  Men and women differ:  Women give supportive responses  More skillful at composing messages  Men offer advice  Divert the topic  Both sexes respond well to comforting messages that are delivered with nonverbal immediacy. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

When support is beneficial…  When the expression of support is sincere  When the other person can accept your support  When focusing on “here and now” rather than “then and there”; focusing on the future avoids support in the present. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Analyzing  Interpretation of a speaker’s message.  Helps people consider alternative meanings of a situation.  Offers objective understanding of the situation.  Analysis can create more problems when:  Interpretation is incorrect and causes confusion  Accurate analysis is not useful to the sender. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Offer helpful analysis by…  Stating the interpretation in a tentative way rather than an absolute fact.  Providing analysis that has a reasonable chance of being correct.  Making sure that the other person will be receptive.  Ensuring that the motive for analysis is to truly help the other person. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Evaluating  Appraises the sender’s thoughts or behaviors in some way; can be favorable or unfavorable.  Best chance of being received when:  the person with the problem has requested an evaluation.  the evaluation is genuinely constructive and not designed as a put-down. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Advising  Offered in three conditions:  Requested in a straightforward manner.  Ambiguous statements include a request for opinion, soliciting information, or announcement of a problem.  When unsolicited—not as effective.  Advice is not helpful when:  It doesn’t offer the best suggestion about how to act.  Allows other to avoid responsibility for their decisions.  Peron may not want advice or be ready to accept it. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Before offering advice…  Be sure the person wants to hear suggestions.  Consider whether the person seeking advice is ready to accept it.  Be confidence that the advice is correct.  Be certain that the receiver will not blame you if the advice doesn’t work out. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

When to use what style…  Begin with responses from the left and middle of the continuum: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, empathizing, supporting.  Think about the situation and match response to the nature of the problem.  Think about the other person when deciding which approach to use.  Be confident you will be regarded as someone whose support will be valuable.  Match the type of response with the style of the person.  Think about yourself: Consider your weaknesses and strengths in listening and responding. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

END OF SECTION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.