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Communication and Communication Skills/ Part 2 Nataliya Lishchenko

Effective Communication Makes Life Works!!!

Fundamental Communication Skills

What is Listening? listening: the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention Effective communication is 2-way depends on speaking and listening

Listening vs. Hearing Hearing- physical process; natural; passive Listening- physical & mental process; active; learned process; a skill Listening is hard! You must choose to participate in the process of listening.

Fast Facts We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 20% of the time, we remember what we hear More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success Less than 2% of people have had formal education with listening

Percentage of Communication Mode of Communication Formal Years of Training Percentage of Time Used Writing 12 years 9% Reading 6-8 years 16 % Speaking 1-2 years 30% Listening 0-few hours 45%

Why Be A Good Listener? To be recognized and remembered To feel valued To feel appreciated To feel respected To feel understood To feel comfortable about a want or need

Listening promotes being heard. …”Seek first to understand, then Listening promotes being heard …”Seek first to understand, then be understood.” - Stephen Covey (Author of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”)

Listening creates acceptance and openness Listening creates acceptance and openness …conveys the message that “I am not judging you.”

Listening leads to learning. …openness encourages personal Listening leads to learning …openness encourages personal growth and learning

Listening reduces stress and tension. …minimizes confusion and Listening reduces stress and tension …minimizes confusion and misunderstanding, eliminating related stress and tension

Listening is CRITICAL in conflict resolution …much conflict comes from the need to be heard. Successful resolution depends on being a non-anxious presence.

What kind of behavior do you do when you’re not listening What kind of behavior do you do when you’re not listening? Listening Blocks: Comparing Mind Reading Rehearsing Filtering Judging Dreaming Identifying Advising Sparring Being Right Derailing Placating

Bad Listening Habits Criticizing the subject or the speaker Getting over-stimulated Listening only for facts Not taking notes OR outlining everything Tolerating or creating distraction Letting emotional words block message Wasting time difference between speed of speech and speed of thought

Effective Listening Four Steps to Effective Listening: Active Listening Listening with Empathy Listening with Openness Listening with Awareness

What is Active Listening? Active Listening means that you seeking to understand. You make sure that you are getting the correct message without passing judgment. It includes “Opening the door” to good conversation Drawing out a speaker with questions Reflecting feeling that you hear and see Paraphrasing to capture content

Active Listening (4 Steps) Question Reflect-Paraphrase Agree or desagree

Step 1: Listen To Feelings As Well As Words Focus on Speaker Words – Emotions -- Implications Focus on Speaker Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted What Is Speaker Talking About? Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others? Look At Speaker Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers

Step 2: Question 3 Purposes Open-ended Demonstrates you are listening Gather information Clarification Open-ended Tell me more? How did you feel? Then what happened?

Probing with open-ended comments / questions draws the speaker out Ask to – Show interest (I’d like to hear your opinion on this.” Encourage more explanation (What do you think the problem is?) Keep the person talking (Tell me more…)

Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase Reflect What Is Said (In your words) Reflect Feelings Reframe Capture the essence of the communication Remove negative framing Move toward problem solving

You can paraphrase using such lead-ins as: What I hear you saying is... In other words... So basically how you felt was... Let me understand, what was going for you was... What happened was... Do you mean...?

PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content. CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening. EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right” OR When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:

Try to paraphrase every time to obtain these five dividends: Peolpe deeply appreciate feeling heard Paraphrasing stops escalating anger and cools down crisis Paraphrasing stops miscommunication. False assumptions, errors, and misinterpretations are corrected on the spot Paraphrasing helps you remeber what was said When you paraphrase you’ll find much harder to compare, judge, rehearse, spar, advice, derail, dream, and so on.

Step 4: Agree Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It! Solution Is Near!

Activity Speaker – talk for 2 min. Listener – listen using the skills we’ve discussed

You can paraphrase using such lead-ins as: What I hear you saying is... In other words... So basically how you felt was... Let me understand, what was going for you was... What happened was... Do you mean...?

Giving a Feedback 3 important rules of giving feedback: It has to be immediate Honest Supportive

Evaluating Speeches: Being Compassionate in Criticizing evaluation approach: start by saying something positive focus on the speech, not the speaker target your criticism* finish with saying a positive words

Listening With Empathy “Everyone is trying to survive...” You don’t have to like everyone or agree with them, but recognize that you do share the same struggle... Every seconds of the day you are trying to survive both phisically and psycologically...

Listening With Openness A scill you can learn Behaive like an anthropologist talking with a person from another planet or country, trying to understand this person with his/her belives, religion, customs Do not judge

Listening with Awareness 2 components: To compare what’s being said to your own knowledge of history, people, and the way things are To hear and observe congruence

To be a Good Listener People want you to listen, so they look for clues to prove that you are. Maintain good eye contact. Lean slightly forward. Reinforce the speaker by nodding or paraphrasing Clarify by asking questions. Actively move away from distractions. Be committed, even if you’re angry or upset, to understanding waht was said

For Couples: Use reciproctal communication – you can really hear each other: When you’re discussing a topic that is conflict area for you, take turns being the speaker and the listener, switching places after five minutes

When you are a speaker: Explain your point of view briefly Avoid blaming and name calling. Don’t accuse and don’t focus on your partner’s failings. Talk in terms of yourself and your experience. Focus on what you wnat and what you feel.

When you are the listener: Give your full attention so that you can really understand youyr partner’s feelings, opinions, and needs. Don’t diagree, argue, or correct anything your partner says. You can ask questions to clarify an issue, but not to dabate and make counterpoints.

So...what? Reciproctal communication can slow down communication so that conflicts are less likely to escalate while it promotes clarity about the needs and feelings of each partner.

Thank You And... BE HAPPY IN YOUR LIVES!