Interpersonal Effectiveness 18 th April, 2013 Introduction to Research ID 6020

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.“

Cliché! IPS Is An Ocean Emotional Intelligence – Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management Assertiveness, Conflict Management People Skills – Social Intelligence Communication- Listening, Non- Verbal – Body Language

Setting the Context Awareness Interpersonal Effectiveness Advisor Colleagues, Lab Mates, Hostel Mates

Starting with Self-Awareness Types of Research Scholars TYPE1: “I have come here to do path-breaking research. I don’t worry about time. I understand that 5 years is the upper limit.” TYPE2: “I have come here to get a degree. I want to finish in 3-3 1/2 years. I have family/other commitments.”

Goes onto Understanding Others Types of Guides TYPE 1 TYPE 2 TYPE 3

A Common Typology

‘Significant Others’? GTC/DC/Compre Members Colleagues Other faculty Staff Hostel Mates Friends

Symptoms of Unhealthy Interpersonal Skills Family Arguments increase – for the silliest reasons! You start smoothening conflicts – not addressing them. You are misunderstood more often. More work – not necessarily working! Research Starting to avoid bumping into the guide! Infrequent visits to the department. Venting out with fellow scholars more often. It’s my research and my world. Workplace Everyday is Monday morning! Cribbing on the rise.

Interpersonal Skills – NOT At Its Best! Guide “When can you submit the 1 st draft of the paper” Scholar “When do you want it Sir?” (and you give an unrealistic estimate) Father/Mother “When will you complete your research?” Son/Daughter “What is your problem? I just come home for a few days and you start off!!!!!!” Boss “Can you just do this work for me? I have loads of other things to do” Sub-ordinate “Fine. When do you want it?” (Yes Boss!) Spouse “What do you think of this?” Spouse “Yes…OK” (watching TV)

Unhealthy IPR Scholar’s Video

A Myriad of Tools Johari Window Neuro-Linguistic Programming Transactional Analysis Other Self-Assessment tools

Transactional Analysis The unit of social communication is a transaction Stimulus -> Response “ I do something to you, you do something back” Dr. Eric Berne

I am OK-You are Ok Transactional Analysis TA for Empowerment T A for Effective Communication TA for Interpersonal Effectiveness TA and Life Skills

Ego State: “a consistent pattern of feelings, experiences and behavior.” P - Parent Ego State Judgmental, critical, paternal/maternal, guiding, bossy, dictatorial, nurturing A – Adult ego State Non-emotional, factual, information gathering of information giving C – Child Ego State Creative, curious, inventive, playful, childlike, joking, emotional ‘Taught’ Concept ‘Thought’ Concept ‘Felt’ Concept

NURTURING PARENT c Encourage c Support c Love c Care c Help c Provide

CONTROL / CRITICAL PARENT D Criticize D Punish D Control D Give values D Judgmental D Do’s & Don’ts

An Example of CP

FREE/NATURAL CHILD Loves Curious Fun loving Playful Alive Afraid Sad Little professor Spontaneous Imaginative Creative Rebellious, argues, Tantrums

ADAPTED CHILD GObeys GComplies GComplains GServile GAdapts GAdjusts GCourteous

Dear Prof. Morris How are you? I am so sorry for delaying the journal review. I wanted to submit this on time, but feel really bad that yet again I could not commit to the time given. Please accept my apologies. I will submit it by end of tomorrow. Hope this will not deter you from giving me reviews in the future. Your journal is of very high order and I will not forgive myself if I do not get to do the reviews of your esteemed journal. Hope this hasn’t changed anything. Please do send across any reviews and I promise I will submit them on time, unlike the last two times. Thank you so much for your patience. Regards

ADULT Mature Rational Practical Decide Analyze Weigh pros & cons Decide probabilities Seek & give information

Constant Parent Some individuals may constantly advise and criticize others Constant Adult Some may analyze, live only with facts, and distrust feelings Constant Child Some operate with strong feelings, all the time, consumed with anger, or constantly clowning Knowing Thyself - Preferred Ego State Beyond Sophisticated ‘Labeling’ Identifying Ego States from movies

Transactions – The Variety Want the draft EOD Sure. Oh God! How is it possible! COMMUNICATING EXPECTATIONS, ISSUES CLEARLY AND HONESTLY

Transactions – The Variety Formulate a LP problem and come tomorrow with the results Hmmm…Ok Sir. Works hard, cannot crack it, Ctrl C & V CONSIDERATE AND UNDERSTAND DEEPER NEEDS, INTENTIONS

Transactions – The Variety Oh Oh, there she goes..crying once more... BEING SENSITIVE OF DEEPER MOTIVES, FEARS

EMPATHY What will help? King Lear: “Gloucester, you have no eyes in your head, yet you see how this world goes.” Gloucester replies, “I see it feelingly.”

LISTENING...PROPERLY!

What will help? Publication – low quality journal/ Single author paper My name in a low quality journal!!???/ Where is my name?!!! TRANSPARENCY IN RELATIONSHIP

TRUST What will help?

A HEALTHY DOSE OF HUMOR! What will help? Faculty’s Video

Strokes

The Inner You What personal qualities will enhance IPR? Respect & trust Warmth and sensitivity Positive unconditional regard Expansiveness Empathy Faculty

Free will to Change!!! Think of 2 situations of importance to you. Two responses (behaviors) you would want to do differently What When How Where With whom

Identify your blocks that does not allow you to do what you want? ______________ How will you overcome these to achieve your goal? ______________

Hope this doesn’t happen! Hope this happens!

Signing Off… Life is not a competition, it's a game. It's not about winning or losing, it's about all the fun you can have before it ends. Simon Sinek