Sibling R i v a l r y

Program Objectives n Parents will understand reasons for sibling rivalry n Parents will learn about ways to reduce fighting among siblings

Sharing n Did you quarrel a lot with your brothers and/or sisters? n What angered you or made you jealous of your siblings? n How did your parents handle your sibling battles?

Conflict Within Families n between children n between parent and child n between spouses In most families there are three general types of conflicts:

Let’s Brainstorm! Why do your children quarrel?

Reasons for Rivalry Their basic needs are not being met

Reasons for Rivalry Sometimes kids fight just to get attention

Reasons for Rivalry Some children need companionship but do not know how to get it from their sibling

Reasons for Rivalry Power within the family

Ways to Reduce Conflict n Let siblings express their feelings n Don't compare siblings with each other n Let your children decide whether they want to share

Ways to Reduce Conflict n Try to spend individual time with each child n Praise your children for who they are as well as what they do n Help your children accept their frustrations

Ways to Reduce Conflict n Don't take sides in sibling fights n Let children work out differences n Praise your children for any improved behavior

The Three B's of Dealing With Sibling Arguments n Bear it n Beat it n Boot'em out!

Helping Work Out Differences When sibling rivalry turns into real fighting, parents must step in. A parent's job is to protect children from physical or emotional injuries.

Action Steps n Describe what you see. n Separate the children. n Set a cooling down period. n Listen to each child's point of view and acknowledge feelings. n Work out a possible solution together for dealing with the problem in the future.

Encourage win-win Negotiations Problem-solving Steps n Stop the action. n Listen to each other's story n Identify the problem. n List ways to solve the problem.

Encourage win-win Negotiations Problem-solving Steps n Choose a solution that meets everyone's needs. n Carry out the plan. n Evaluate how well the plan worked.

Solving Problems Through Family Meetings

Guidelines for Family Meetings n Set time when all family members can be present n Understand the purpose of regular family meetings n Establish a non- threatening atmosphere n Establish basic ground rules n Promote self-esteem of each family member

Family Meeting Ground Rules n Okay to say what you feel n No one has to talk n Everyone has to listen n No one puts anyone else down n Everyone gets a chance to talk n One person talks at a time and does not get interrupted

Family Meetings n Explain purpose of meeting n Provide ground rules n Discuss family fun n Give time for others to think of activities n Discuss n Choose an activity n Make a plan n Review the meeting

Sample Agenda for Family Meetings n Discuss family issues, concerns, interests, and positive events of past week n Determine priority issue(s) n Clarify the issue to be discussed n Generate possible solutions n Determine the most effective solutions n Make plans to implement the solution n Plan one fun activity for the coming week

Conclusion: Communication is the Key n Find time to spend with the children n Really listen and hear n Teach problem solving n Project what may be reason to argue and eliminate before it happens!