CHAPTER 12 Communication in Families and at Work Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 1 COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc..

What is a family?  Family (Galvin): System with two or more interdependent people who have a common history and a present reality, and who expect to influence each other in the future. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 2 TYPES OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Avoidance (Lose-Lose)  Avoidance: When people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict.  Pessimistic attitude about conflict.  Avoiders put up with the status quo.  Leads to unsatisfying relationships.  Avoidance can help when:  risk of speaking up is too great  when the conflict isn’t worth the effort  when the issue is temporary Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Spouses/Partners  Three couple types (Fitzpatrick)  Independents  Physically close; psychologically distant.  Don’t avoid conflict  Low marital satisfaction/affection  Separates  Individual freedom  Conflict-avoidant  Low marital satisfaction/affection  Traditionals  Interdependence  Avoid conflict  High marital satisfaction, affection Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Spouses/Partners  20% traditionals  18% separates  22% independents  40% mixed  Traditional partners: Highest marital satisfaction; greater fulfillment of expression  Mixed couples similar. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Spouses/Partners  Gender role  Feminine communication  High expressiveness, low instrumentality  Masculine communication  Instrumental, task-related topic; low in emotional content  Androgynous communication  High in emotional and instrumental messages  Undifferentiated communication  Low instrumentality/ expressiveness Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Spouses/Partners  Research  Study of 200 couples  Gender-typed pairs: Lower level of satisfaction than androgynous pairs  Lowest level of love and satisfaction: stereotypical feminine and masculine relationships Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Parent/Child  Daily tasks in the household jump from 6 to 36 after child’s birth.  Patterns of interaction  Communication becomes more complicated with arrival of the first child.  Three different dyads occur Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Parent/Child  Managing the connection-autonomy dialect  “Hold me tight.”  “Put me down.”  “Leave me alone.”  Vacillates at different stages of growth.  After children are “launched,” couples have to re-negotiate their “couple-ness.” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Siblings  Communication strategies  Confirmation  Humor  Social support  Escape  Three dimensions of interaction explain sibling communication  Affection  Hostility  Rivalry Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Siblings  Siblings offer vital support through life.  Sharing tasks  Expressing positivity  Offering assurances  Talking about family, reminiscing about childhood  Sharing stories  … all help clarify family events and validate feelings and life choices Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 3 ELEMENTS OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Families as Communication Systems  Family members are interdependent  A family is more than the sum of its parts  Families have systems within the larger system  Family systems are affected by their environment Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Roles  Role are based on kinship.  Kinship role is culturally- based  Functional roles: who doe what within the family  Social roles: harmonizer, problem solver, tension reliever, etc.  Role expectations are conveyed through communication Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Family Narratives  Narratives  Reaffirm family’s identity by reinforcing shared goals  Teach moral values  Stress family concerns  Reflect how members feel about each other  Reflect how to operate in the world  Dysfunctional families can be united by a shared narrative. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Models for Other Relationships  Experiences in our family of origin share the way we communicate throughout life.  Research:  Levels of hostility and positive engagement at 14 linked with same 17 years later  Culturally-based  North America:  Emotional support and loyalty comes from a limited number of people; children more self-reliant  Mexico, Latin America, Africa, Asia  Support and loyalty extend beyond immediate family. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Communication Rules  Families have many rules governing communication among members and with outsiders.  Who may speak or to whom  How one speaks  Topic of conversation  Maintaining openness- closeness dialect difficult in stepfamilies Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Communication Rules  Fitzpatrick & Koerner:  Conversation orientation  Degree to which families favor an open climate of discussion of a wide array of topics  High: Frequent, free interaction, spontaneous, without limitations.  Low: Less exchange of private thoughts.  Conformity orientation  Degree to which family communication stresses uniformity of attitudes, values, beliefs.  High: Seek harmony, conflict avoidance, interdependence, obedience; hierarchical; conflict is avoiding and obliging.  Low: Individuality, interdependence, equality; individual growth encouraged. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Communication Rules  Families high in conversation orientation/conformity orientation families: consensual  Communication reflects tension between pressure to agree and preserve the hierarchy and interest in open communication and exploration.  Families high in conversation orientation and low in conformity: pluralistic  Open, unrestrained communication; contributions evaluated on own merits.  Families low in conversation orientation/high in conformity orientation: Protective  Communication reflects obedience to authority; reluctance to share thoughts, feelings.  Families low in conversation orientation and conformity orientation: laissez-faire  Lack of involvement, emotionally divorced, decision-making is individual. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Section 4 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Strive for Closeness While Respecting Boundaries  Too much cohesion can be a problem  Enmeshed: Too much consensus, too little independence  Disengaged  Disconnected, limited attachment/ commitment  Creating boundaries  Physical  Conversational  Emotions  Handling of topics  Define boundaries  Requires open negotiation; happen through trial and error Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Strive for a Moderate Level of Adaptability  Adaptability too high: Chaotic family  Adaptability too low: Rigid family  Avoidance of extremes dictates functionality  Families function best with moderate levels Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Encourage Confirming Messages  Confirming behaviors of mothers  Telling children they are unique and valuable as human beings  Genuinely listening to children when told something of importance  Disconfirming behaviors  Belittling children  Making statements that communicate their ideas don’t count  Adolescents who receive confirmation are more open communicators.  Gottman: Couples should have an appropriate ratio of positive- to-negative messages (5:1). Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

Deal Constructively with Conflict  Beware of destructive conflict: Physical or verbal aggression  Family conflict should be dealt with  Unresolved conflict creates tensions  Key is how the conflict is dealt with:  Don’t sweat the small stuff  Focus on manageable issues  Share appreciations and gripes  Seek win-win solutions  Research:  Positive conflict standards are good predictors of family satisfaction. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

END OF SECTION CHAPTER CONTINUES WITH PART TWO Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.