Feedback on Paper One HMXP 102 Dr. Fike

The Nature of this Slide Show I prepared this presentation in response to students’ first paper a few years ago. If anything in it contradicts the calendar, follow the calendar.

Focus A narrow illustration from your personal experience. For example, your encounter with ONE dogma from your church. NOT your whole autobiography. NOT the existence of God plus evolution vs. creationism.

For Those Who Wrote about Religion/God/Creation Example of circular reasoning: “God must have created the earth because the Bible says so, and we know that the Bible is true because God wrote it!” mlhttp://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/fallacies_list.ht ml

Example of a Good Focus “Well, when I got home my dad spanked me so hard that I could not sit down for a couple of days. I like to refer to this time period as my awakening period.” This is a beautifully focused topic: corporal punishment as a catalyst for personal revelation. Unfortunately, the illustration comes in the middle of the author’s autobiography and does not get developed.

The Moral Re. Focus Do this: Say more about less. Do NOT do this: Say less about more.

Thesis Common problem: You wrote a sentence that included “Although,” “I will argue that,” and “because”; but your sentence had merely the structure, not the substance, of a proper thesis. Despite having those key words, your thesis set you up to summarize events in your life: it set you up to tell your story, not to argue for a position.

Example of a Good Thesis (Based on One of Yours) Although I may have inherited a masculine predisposition to appreciate athletics, I will argue that my love of sports—contrary to Plato’s doctrine of anamnesis—illustrates the idea that knowledge is obtained rather than residing in the soul from birth: I learned to love sports because of the influence of my dad and my brother. It contains: –A controversial idea in the main clause: “I will argue that…” –Family influence vs. inherited predisposition: argument vs. objection. The author must then use these elements to structure the paper.

Example of a Bad Thesis (Based on One of Yours) Although my decision to major in business was very hard for me, I will argue that coming to Winthrop University enabled me to become a better student because of the multitude of experiences I have had. Problems: –It is not sufficiently narrowly focused. –It is a 5-paragraph essay in disguise because it sets up a narrative loosely centered on three things: choosing a major becoming a better student having various experiences. –Having various experiences and majoring in business do not properly correspond to argument and objection.

Thesis for Cave Dweller Papers You needed to take a stand either for or against the view that something made you a cave dweller. Made-up example: –Although it is possible that I have exchanged one shadow for another, I will argue that my decision to join a sorority brought me a ways out of the cave and into the light because interacting with my sisters has enabled me to see myself as the social being I truly am. Main assertion: a controversial idea Argument (social being) vs. objection (no, just another shadow)

Objections and Replies Missing in over 90% of the papers. Inadequate wherever they were present. Remember: The assignment is to write a classical argument. Include opposition. Objections and replies did not have to be perfect, but they did have to be present. Remember the first three questions in the course description on the syllabus: –What do I believe? –Why do I believe it? –What if I am wrong? If you are just trotting out your old assumptions, you are not doing the work of the course, which is to inquire—via argumentation—into rationally justifiable reasons for believing that your position/thesis is true.

Other Matters Take a paragraph after the introduction to discuss Plato: explain what cave dwelling MEANS. This is a matter of audience: Make sure that your audience understands “cave dweller” in the way you do. In your conclusion, ask yourself, “What have I learned about myself from writing this paper.” Take a step back and REFLECT.

“Forbidden” CRTW%20201/CRTW%20201%20Forbid den.htmhttp://faculty.winthrop.edu/fikem/Courses/ CRTW%20201/CRTW%20201%20Forbid den.htm

Works Cited List Next Time: “MLA Format Slide Show”

Revision (Summer Only) Your next paper is due a week from today. I advise you not to revise yet. Whenever you DO want to revise, you must have a conference with me: –Bring your original graded draft with my comment sheet AND a photocopy of these documents. –Have things to say, questions to ask, solutions to propose, etc. Be able to engage me in a dialogue about how to revise your paper. A revision must be substantively better than the original draft—not just superficially corrected but significantly rethought, recast, augmented, improved, etc.