Lecture 5 Affirming existing strengths and acknowledging the concept of “self” Dr. Paul Wong D.Psyc.(Clinical) Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention (CSRP)

Outline Lectures on “what influence how we see ourselves?” ABC model “Questioning your thoughts” exercise

The self-concept motivation model implies that an individual develops a social identity and a related self concept (a set of self-perceptions) that guides behavior throughout an individual's life.

Affirmation An important element of the self concept motivation theory is a concept of affirmation (also called validation or reinforcement). affirmation We constantly seek evidences to validate our self-perceptions by looking for feedback from the results of: our activities (Task Feedback) behavior and comments of others (Social Feedback). Affirming behavior refers to the words and behaviors of others that act to reinforce our self-perceptions of competencies, traits, and values.

Two forms of social feedback we get from others Direct Social Feedback Statements such as “you are an excellent student,” or “I admire your honesty” directly reinforce an individual's perceptions of this competency and trait. Indirect Social Feedback In many cases, we do not get clear verbal feedback from others, but rather we infer from their behavior what they think about us. This inference or attribution process often leads to conflicting signals and incorrect messages as to what others are thinking. attribution

Types of affirming behavior Facial expressions and body language Inclusion of you in events and activities Asking for and following your advice Positive feedback and recognition of skills and worth Sharing important information with you Choosing to spend time with you when there are other motivating options. Taking time to listen to your problems and showing empathy Recognizing your significant achievements Remembering important things about you The list could be endless

Behaviors that let us down – Invalidating behavior What invalidators do? The goal behind invalidation strategies is to put you down and make you feel inferior, incompetent, or unneeded. They….. pretend to support you by acknowledging some important aspect of your self concept (a skill, value, trait), BUT, pointing out a shortcoming- again and again. just when you think the person likes or admires you, he or she drops the hammer of invalidation with a criticism, insinuation, or implication of your incompetence. Why invalidators do it? The nature of invalidating behavior is control and power. Invalidators seek to control those around them. Invalidation is rooted in the insecurity and low self esteem of the invalidator.

Typical Invalidating Behaviors Ignoring you Constant checking or other controlling behaviors - While indication of trust is highly affirming, controlling behavior is often interpreted as an indication of lack of trust. Telling you how do to something or giving you detailed instructions when you are proficient in that activity Constant interrupting Again, the list is endless as individuals find creative ways to invalidate others to boost their own self esteem

So how about we see our selves?

Self Concept The self concept motivation model argues that there are two important dimensions of one's self-perceptions. They are level and strength of these self-perceptions.

Level of the Self Concept The level of self perception refers to the degree to which the individual perceives he/she possesses this attribute/ability. This dimension deals with the issue of where individuals see themselves, relative to their ideal selves, and is directly related to the issue of high and low self esteem. It is manifested in High versus Low self concept. We use two types of evaluative frames of reference to measure our level: An ordinal standard – comparing ourselves with others A fixed standard - whereby we rate or evaluate attributes against a goal or predetermined metric or criterion (i.e., to earn a masters’ degree) can also be used.

Strength of the Self Concept Strength refers to how strongly we hold the perceptions of an attribute level. Two levels: Strong - Individuals with strong perceived selves are relatively firm and secure in their perceptions of an attribute level. These strong perceptions of self are a result of consistent and clear feedback and reinforcement regarding the attribute. Weak - A weak perceived self is reflected in individuals who are relatively unsure of an attribute level, often resulting from conflicting or ambiguous feedback regarding the attribute.

OK, then, when we combine the others and self-concept

We get eight dimensions 1.External/High/Strong- These individuals have been consistently told by others how good they are. They tend to hold positions of high status in their social and work groups. They are so secure in their ability to acquire continued positive social feedback, they do not feel the need to behave in ways to keep this feedback coming. Since their perception of competency and sense of security is based on long-term continued social support, these individuals are vulnerable to a fall from grace, that is, a situation whereby they lose their status in their organizations and/or communities. 2.External/High/Weak- These individuals are highly competitive and self presentation is important. They have a need to put their finger prints on success and to disassociate themselves with failure. A prime concern for these individuals is establishing blame when failure occurs or establishing credit for group successes. In other words, is important not only that the group is successful, but that success is attributed to them. These individuals are status and power oriented with a strong need for external validation or social affirmation. When coupled with low self-control, these individual often react emotionally to perceptions of invalidation.

3. External/Low/Strong- These individuals are hard to motivate. They have been told that they are incompetent so often that this belief is strongly held. Any indication or feedback that they are or can be better is often disregarded. 4. External/Low/Weak- While these individuals did not have a lot of confidence in their abilities, they tend to seek improvement. They seek to associate with individuals that appear to accept them. Once they find an excepting peer group, they become prone to external influence (peer pressure) by members of this group and are often strongly attached to this group.

5. Internal/High/Strong- Individuals of this type tend to be confident and self assured. They tend to be sure of their abilities. While they might be motivated to perform at high levels, it is generally because of their identification with the goal and its benefit to others, rather than a means to prove his or her own competency. Therefore, while goal attainment may be important, it is less important that this goal attainment is attributed to their competencies and efforts, leaving them free to accept the ideas of others and give other credit for achievements. 6. Internal/High/Weak- These individuals set high standards for themselves. Each project is a test of their competency. These individuals seek task feedback and involve themselves in projects that test competencies and allow for this type of feedback. They must have ownership (control) over project outcomes. While they have a high self concept, this is not strongly held and thus they need to continually seek feedback through task performance. They tend to feel guilty when they do not do their best. These individuals are often called overachievers and are said to have a strong work ethic. Their perception of self worth is tied to continuously proving their abilities and values. These individuals tend to be achievement oriented.

7. Internal/Low/Strong- These individuals are hard to motivate. Constant failure has led to the strongly held low self- perception. Any indication or feedback that they are or can be better is often disregarded. 8. Internal/Low/Weak- While these individuals did not have a lot of confidence in their abilities, they tend to seek improvement. Since their low self-efficacy is not strongly held, they are likely to engage in activities whereby they can grow and improve. Task feedback indicating competency higher than their self perception can be very motivating to these individuals.

A way to CHALLENGE our negative self-perception – Questioning Your Thought Exercise

The ABC model  The ABC model of Ellis’s theory A : the activating event B : the individual’s belief C : the response or consequence A C B  Cognitive appraisal varies from person to person  different stress level facing the same event Source: Gillis, J.S. (1992) Stress, Anxiety, and Cognitive Buffering. Behavioral Medicine, 18(2), 79-83

Discussion A Stressor B Automatic thoughts C Stress level

Briefly describe the problem: … And how it makes you feel: … And what you think about it: … What is the evidence that supports your thoughts? … What is the evidence against your thoughts? … Is there an alternative explanation of what happened? …

What is the worst that could happen? … Could you live through it? … What is the best that could happen? … What is the most realistic outcome? … What is the effect of believing my original thought about this? … What could be the effect of questioning those thoughts?

What should I do about this problem? … What would I say to a friend if s/he were in the same situation? …