Define Boundaries Character Study – King Saul Boundaries in Picture Form Team Time Agenda

Page 33  The realization of our own person apart from others  A sense of separateness which forms the basis of personal identity  Bonding is the love (grace, freedom), boundaries are the limits (structure/truth)  Incorporates what we:  Love and hate  Will and will not do  Will and will not allow

 Physical Appearance  Attitude  Feelings  Behavior  Thoughts  Abilities  Desires  Choices  Limits  Positive and negative assertions

 1 st – Bonding, 2 nd – Boundaries  Attachment gives us the safety and strength to separate from others  As we grow up, we learn and develop our identity  Ownership is crucial in creating healthy boundaries  Must develop over time (no shortcuts)  Cannot just follow the crowd, roll with the punches, or accept what others put on you  It takes deliberate effort/work

 Boundaries are like my back yard fence  You are only responsible for your yard  Not your neighbor’s yard  Your neighbor is not responsible for your yard  If a neighbor throws “trash” in your yard, your will confront him  You are not at fault for being hit by a car, but you are responsible for learning to walk again  While you may have been the victim, you are not victimized => instead you own your growth

 I Samuel 15:13-26  How were Saul’s relationships?  With God  With others  With himself  What were Saul’s boundaries like?  Did he have any? Were they solid?  Think about his life, politics, family, moods, etc.…  What do we see about God’s boundaries?

PhysicalAttitudesFeelingsBehaviorThoughtsAbilitiesDesiresChoices What we are responsible for – ownership Me

PhysicalAttitudesFeelingsBehaviorThoughtsAbilitiesDesiresChoices When we cross other’s boundaries Me Other PhysicalAttitudesFeelingsBehaviorThoughtsAbilitiesDesiresChoices Control Problems arise when: We assume responsibility for them We try to control them Responsible

PhysicalAttitudesFeelingsBehaviorThoughtsAbilitiesDesiresChoices When others cross our boundaries Me Other PhysicalAttitudesFeelingsBehaviorThoughtsAbilitiesDesiresChoices Control Problems arise when: We let them assume responsibility for us We let them try to control us Responsible

 Volunteer to share REBT sheet  In your teams, the goal is truth & grace  Take turns speaking and listening  If you need more time, work it out