Christ in the Center “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

What we hope to accomplish: Practical ways to put Christ in the center of our lives allowing Him to create our “meaning.” How to redefine our Sense of "Self” in “Him.” More fully realizing His "Power" and His "Resourcefulness.” Develop Healthy Relationships. How to define "Time” in reference to the Eternal One. Looking at the "World” knowing that “greater is He that is in us then is he that is in the world.” Obtaining our "Higher Purpose” through Him.

1. Meaning How do we interpret something? What we “hold in mind.” What does it mean to us? Is this meaning accurate? Useful? Productive? Healthy Empowering? Does this meaning encourage love, compassion, joy, confidence, etc.?

Meaning determines: Our concept of our “self.” Our sense of power & resourcefulness. Our ability to develop relationships. Our view of the world we live in. Our relationship with this thing called “time.” Our sense of purpose and intention.

The Model Summarized: What does that meaning say to you about: Your concept of you as a person (Self Matrix)? How you view yourself has having adequate or inadequate resources to live a productive life (Power/Resource Matrix)? How you view your relationship to your past, your present and how you view your future (Time Matrix)? How you relate to other people and how you allow them to exercise control if any over your life (Other Matrix)? How you view the world you live in?  Is it a friendly or non-friendly place (World Matrix)? How your higher purposes affect your life in each one of the above and how you view whether or not you are and can live out your higher purposes in life (Intentional/Purpose Matrix)?

“Meaning” is in the center and the “determinant of” the other Matrices.

From the Meaning we give, we create the other matrices.

Importance of Putting Christ in the “Center of our Lives”: If it is true that “meaning” determines our way of thinking-feeling-behaving; Then, if we can learn how to change meaning, we can change our thinking, feeling and behaving to that which doesn’t serve us to that which best serves us. Christ makes it possible for us to totally change the meaning.

Christ in the Center “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

“Meaning” is about “Thinking.” Proverbs 23:7 – “…as a man thinketh so is he.” Romans 12:2 – “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

How do we think? Mental Movies – pictures, sounds, feelings, smells and tastes We give meaning to our mental movies with words.

The structure of meaning.

We change meaning by: Editing our movies Changing how we talk to ourselves Layering old unwanted meanings with the more powerful meanings given to us by the Lord →

Layering our minds with His thoughts

Others Self World Power purpose Time By changing the meaning, we can change the other six areas of our lives: Others World purpose Self Power Time

2a. Self – Are you pleased? With who you are? With what you are? What is your nature, purpose, destiny, value, etc.?

2b. Which one(s) of your “selves” do you need to improve? Self-Confidence Self-esteem Self-efficacy Self-definition Self-presentation Social Self Cultural Self Career Self

By letting Christ be at the center, we create a “new Self.” 2 Cor 5:17 Paul says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” Knowing our position in Christ solves all identity issues. I know who I am because I know Whose I am. And, that is good enough!

“Clothe” ourselves with Christ – Romans 13:14 “Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Galatians 3:26-27 – “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.”

Let “Humility” part of the clothing Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Luke 22:25b – “…the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.”

Let’s clothe ourselves in His Righteousness. Proverbs 10:24 – “What the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted.” Romans 3:22 - This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.”

Clothing ourselves with Christ

3. The Power Matrix – The sense of power or resourcefulness makes all the difference in the world between living with a weak response style or a weak one. It’s the difference between learned helplessness and learned optimism. A healthy Power Matrix enables us to affect change in our lives.

Power/Resource – Do you view yourself as resourceful? The meanings you give to your ability to take effective action in the world What can you do? What skills can you develop? What are your capabilities? Can you cope with things? Can you master yourself, run your own brain and plan your own future?

Power Matrix

Intentional/Outcome Frames Can I handle this challenge? Can I manage my own mind and emotions around these challenges? Can I take effective action in the world and be successful with this challenge? What can I do to fix this? How can I control everything? Can I find anyone to assist me in learning how to regain my power?

Attempt to Exercise Power – I am going to try to control this? I am going to try to control every word that comes out of my mouth. I am going to control my behavior rather than my behavior controlling me. I need to change. I must not get back into that old unresourceful and powerless state.

The Meaning Table Loss of control Frustration Lack of protection I can’t be enough. I am terrified of ___. I should be doing better. I have to do better. I cannot be resourceful. I have to do something. I have to get it done. I have given my power away. Etc.

Modeling Optimism - Seligman Learned Helplessness Personal Pervasive Permanent Learned Optimism Not Personal Not Pervasive Not Permanent

Being in “Control” What have we mapped in terms of our abilities, skills, potentials, capabilities, etc.? Does it give us a sense of ability, power and control? Do you have a sense of control in life, power over your own life, your own mind, body and emotions? Do you feel like the driver of your own bus or a passenger in the back going for a ride? How have you mapped the sense of “control?” Did you grow up in an environment that was safe, secure, and that gradually allowed you to take more and more control over your life?

Scale of Emotions

Activating Power Matrix Anything that challenges us activates it. Create meaning frames which will validate the idea of being empowered. Recognize our fallibility – stop focusing on what you can’t do. Focus on what we care about. Let go of past childhood limiting beliefs.

He is our “power.” Phil 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” By letting Christ be center of our lives the gives me the Power and Resources (#3 Power) to live in this world successfully

He is our “resource.” Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” When He commands He provides. Micah 3:8 “But as for me, I am filled with power with the Spirit of the LORD, and with justice and might.”

God is with us – Joshua 1:1-5 “After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

4. Time – What kind of relationship do you have with “time?” Time is a “concept.” It isn’t “real.” Do you have a positive relationship with time? Do you live in the past, present or future? How easily can you move from one time to another time? Do you have enough time?

Time Orientation Have you ever walked out the door of your home and stumbled on a hunk of “time”? Time is another one of those concepts that begins as a process but we language it into a “thing” – a nominalization. Therefore, time is not real outside the realm of thought.

The Three Tenses of English English has three basic tenses for “Time” – past, present and future. From these we construct our concept of time by comparing events that have happened (past), with those that are now happening (present) and with those that will happen (future). By being able to hold these mental constructs in mind and compare them, we construct time.

Where do you place your attention? It matters! Where do you spend most of your time focusing your thinking – The past ? The present ? The future ? Most of us have a preference.

Time focus and emotional hurts Most of our emotional issues are rooted in past hurts and most of them from childhood. How to depress yourself – focus on the past but only the hurtful memories and associate into those memories.  If you only focus on the good memories, it wont work.

Figure Past Focus

Dr John Burton – “What would happen if we looked into our desired future to decide how to respond to our present?” (As opposed to looking back to a hurtful past) This would result in a person being outcome directed.

Anticipatory Anxiety It is easy to look into the future and anticipate running the problem state that we have ran so many times before. Be careful doing that or you will get labeled or diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder. When going to the future, create hope !

Michael Hall about Time – There’s an intelligence (or lack thereof) to our relationship to these temporal (time) concepts. Healthy IQ and EQ relates to time in several ways: Being able to live in the now with an eye on the future… While using the past for learnings… We have a great strategy for “time”.

Unresourceful Meaning Frames: I am afraid my problem is permanent. It has always been this way. No one can help me. I am not making progress. It is useless. I can’t live in the now with a past like I had. My future will be filled with the same old pain as the past. Nothing changes.

By letting Christ be the center of our lives, we have a dynamic relationship with this concept called Time. (#4 Time).

He gives us Eternal Life. John 3:16 Romans 14:8 ““For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.”

Is “time” irrelevant? Romans 8:18 , “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” By being crucified with Christ, having our meaning from Him makes time irrelevant for we are in Him the timeless one.

Renewing our place in and relationship to “Time.”

What you understand, believe and expect from others? 5. Other / Relationship – How successful have you been in your relationships? What you understand, believe and expect from others? What meanings have you connected about those you like? About those you invest your life in and bond with? What meanings have you given those you don’t like?

The Other Matrix The Other or Relational Matrix reflects how we have mapped out and developed our meanings about what we understand, believe and expect of others. It refers to what we think and feel about the idea of connection, whether this is a good and valued thing or a dangerous and fearful thing.

Questions What do we think or feel about people? About human nature? What meanings have we constructed about those we like and connect with? About those we invest ourselves in and bond with? About those we dislike and avoid?

Questions about Human Nature Who are people? What are people like? What is it like relating to them? What is the nature of relationships? What can I expect of people? What skills do I have for getting along, creating rapport, understanding?

Social-Emotional Skills – Love Support Affection Friendship Affiliation Connection Intimacy Included Being included Trust Trustworthiness, Betrayal Etc.

Developed from our Caregivers From our caregivers we develop our maps and give meaning and importance or fearfulness of connecting, relating, loving, being open, being vulnerable, etc.

Directed Related to Self Matrix Originally we experienced them as one. Then in the developmental nature of growing up, we individualize and become dependent and then eventually independent. Independence allows us to stand on our own – becoming independent of others.

Critical Thinking Part I When do other people judge you? Where do they judge you?  Where do they not judge you? How do you know they are judging you? Are you absolutely certain that they are judging you? How do you do the process of mind-reading that they are judging you? What do you see, hear, feel and how do you talk to yourself in order to create the fear of their judging you? What do you do with your breath?  How does your breathing change? How do your facial features change from when you perceive that people are judging you to those times that you do not perceive people are judging you?

Critical Thinking Part II What thoughts are driving the experience of fearing that others are judging you? What are the thoughts in the back of the mind about that? And what thought is behind that? Etc. Keep asking the “back-of-the-mind question until there are no other thoughts or questions there. Do you have any memories that contribute to fearing that others are judging you? Are those events now present in your life or are they old and presently irrelevant? Do you have any imaginations about what others judging you will lead to? What fearful apprehensions? Do those imaginations and fears serve you? If not, what will?

We have “Four Core Central Powers” Two Inner Powers: Two Public or Outer Powers:

Push Away Judgments As you own your own powers, give other people permission to own their own powers without you judging what they may or may not think of you. Visualize yourself pushing them away from stealing your power. We only have One Judge – God and that is enough!

Run Meta-No/Yes Pattern Say “No” to what others may think, feel, say or behave towards you. Say “Yes” to owning your own thinking feeling, speaking and behaving.

Take Ownership Responsibility “for” establishes personal “accountability.” The word “responsibility” refers to one’s ability to respond – power to act. Ask yourself, “Do I realistically have power over someone else’s four powers?” Or, are they and they alone responsible for how they think, feel, speak and behave?

Responsible “For/To” Notice how you feel when you say, “I am response-able for my thoughts, feelings and behavior.” Now say, “I am responsible to others but never for what others, think, feel say or do.”

By letting Christ be the center of our lives, we will live in obedience to the Greatest Commandment which calls upon us to love God and to love our neighbor (#5 Others).

Matthew 22:37-40 “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with thy entire mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” →

Relationships – 3 Legged Stool

We are to love our enemies. Matthew 5:45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

Loving others – an example Mother Teresa of Calcutta once was asked, "How do you measure the success of your work?" She looked puzzled for a moment and then replied, "I don't remember that the Lord ever spoke of success. He spoke only of faithfulness in love. This is the only success that really counts."

6. The World – Do you enjoy your world? Everything outside ourselves in all of the contexts or worlds in which we react and relate What is your world like? Is it friendly or unfriendly? Is it a place of scarcity or abundance? Is it fearful or exciting? Is it dangerous or wonderful?

The way we Map our World – Is a product of how we view our sense of – Self Others Power and Resourcefulness If one views oneself as competent, resourceful, strong, respectful, etc., one will have little problem navigating the world.

Ego-Strength 1 “Ego-strength” in psychology refers to our “cognitive” strength. A person with a healthy “ego strength” has the ability to effectively adjust to, and respond to, whatever reality the world gives them.

Ego-Strength 2 A person who has a healthy ego-strength faces the world as it is without flinching. This person knows that he/she has the needed resources to meet the challenges that comes. A weak ego-strength person will be highly threatened by real or perceived threats.

The Map Is “Not” the Territory Those who change – Recognize the value of creating a map that accurately, as far as symbolically possible, maps the present moment. Recognize that their map is not the territory and will eliminate the problem of cause-effect in their lives. Recognize that the words and images inside their heads are not “real” in the sense that they are absolute and unchangeable.

By letting Christ be the center of our lives, we will accept the world as a place that we can live in without fear but with confidence and joy (#6 World).

I John 4:4 “…dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Say “No” and then “Yes.”

7. Purpose/ Intention – Are you living a purposeful life? Your sense of direction, goals, reasons, motivation, purpose and intentions. What are you seeking to accomplish? What do you want? What is your purpose or agenda? What are you living for? Why is that important to you? Why do you give yourself to that?

Intention – In every Matrix You have already been introduced to the Intention Matrix. In every Matrix, behind each one, there dwells higher intentions. These higher intentions primarily operate unconsciously. See Table 

Meaning-Intentions Table for Someone who Stutters #1 Summary of Meaning/Value - Meaning Determines the Matrices─ Classification of non-fluent speech as stuttering. Associating stuttering with fear and shame. Evaluating it as bad and unacceptable. Framing it has having the following meanings in the other matrices: #7 Intention/Self #7 Intention/Power #7 Intention/Time #7 Intention/Others #7 Intention/World Attempted solutions that make the problem worse. I don’t want to look like a fool. I will not show my vulnerabilities or weaknesses. I will play it safe and create a sense of security because I am not like others. I am more sensitive. I can’t handle criticism well. I am going to try to control this? I am going to try to control every word that comes out of my mouth. I will do that by becoming very self aware of my speech. I am going to not repeat the past. I am not going to make a fool of myself with my speech anymore. If I block any emotion in this moment, it will give me more control. I am not going to attract attention. I am not going to let others see my vulnerabilities. I will not let them see me struggle. I will avoid any situations around people or groups that will expose this weakness. I will not give others a chance to laugh at me. I will not do anything that will draw attention to me in my work, career, etc. I will avoid speaking situations that will attract attention to me. #2 Self #3 Power #4 Time #5 Others #6 World I am flawed. (“There is something wrong with me.”) I am broken. I am not enough. I am inadequate. I am flawed. I am foolish. I am worthless. I am insecure. I am timid. I am shy. I am anxious. I am tense. I am “shamed.” I am “possessed.” I am embarrassment. I am angry. I am abnormal. I can’t be enough. Loss of control Frustration Lack of Protection Perceived hurt. I need to change. I am terrified of speaking to ____________. I need to be respected and loved in order to speak fluently. (Other) I should be doing better. I got to do something. I got to get it done. “It” (becoming fluent) works for everybody but me. I cannot speak─ In public The phone, stage Permanent Doomed It has always been this way. I am not making progress. I can’t take my time to say what I want to say (sense of being rushed). It is not OK to stutter. Fear (of being rejected) Expectations from others Inability to measure up to expectations Hurt (not being validated) Rejection Isolation Protection - (From getting involved in a relationship.) I am less than. I look foolish. Judged. People validate or determine my worth. What people say about me becomes the truth. “The whole issue revolves around ‘caring how I talk.’” I won’t succeed. I am out of control.

Finding Higher Intentions Ask: What is your intent? What is your purpose in that? By having that (name the purpose), what does having that give you that is even more important?

Meta-Stating Intentions Every “thought” has two levels or dimensions: Attention – what is in your immediate perception – what is on your mind. Intention – thoughts in the back of our mind, higher thoughts – what is your motivation, agenda, or intention in doing that?

Let’s walk our talk. Let’s align our higher purposes of being in the Lord’s will with our behaviors.

Figure 9:5

By letting Christ be the center of our lives, He is our purpose, period. (#7 Purpose)

2 Timothy 4:6-9 “For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.”

Others Self World Power purpose Time By changing the meaning, we can change the other six areas of our lives: Others World purpose Self Power Time