Chapter 3: Family Rules, Structure, and Development

Upstate Rules and Structure Rules -> _________ patterns -> structure Each family has unique structure __________ describe what is supposed to be; _____ relate to what is. Remember rules are often _______/out of awareness

How Do Rules and Structure Develop? Upstate How Do Rules and Structure Develop? Prenuptial agreement? Cultural Influences Family-of-Origin Influences “In your couple relationship, you either repeat what you learned in your family or you tend to do the opposite.” (Olson) Personality Influences/biological influences

Is there an ideal family structure? Upstate Is there an ideal family structure? Healthy families are similar in 3 ways: (Nichols) Clear _________ Hierarchical __________: In healthy families “there is an unambiguous hierarchy of power, with leadership in the hands of the parents, who form a united coalition.” (Nichols) 3. ________

Upstate Satir’s: Healthy rules should support 5 freedoms: p___, t___, f___, c___, sa ___. Healthy/Unhealthy rules: p. 59-60 Burr, Day, and Behr: Families can only operate when … shared, implicit, _________ comfortable. p. 62.

Characteristics and Functions of Rules (p. 61-62). Upstate Characteristics and Functions of Rules (p. 61-62). Often implicit Allow for accountability Denote physical and psychological boundaries Regulate closeness and distance Regulate roles Regulate flexibility-rigidity and exceptions Address implementation and violation.

Upstate Dancing in Families Rule Sequences: connected ______ of rules that governs a complex pattern of behavior Involve a ______ pattern Can be healthy - rituals Can be unhealthy, called____________, p. 64. Sometimes called ______ Examples, p. 64 Example - Brice family, p. 17 Crucible; textbook examples, p. 64.

Upstate Dances Couples Do Pursuer/Distancer Dance Drifting Dance Conflictual Dance The Circular Dance The Overfunction-Underfunction Dance Purpose of dances - Often regulate & control some ______ and deal with issues of ___________________. p.68

Cohesion and Adaptability – Olson’s Model Upstate Cohesion and Adaptability – Olson’s Model Cohesion __________ the forces which ____ family members together Families vary on cohesion (closeness) p. 69-70 Dimensions measured by FACES inventory Disengaged Separated Connected Enmeshed

Upstate Adaptability _________; how easily families can change or modify their rules Families vary in regard to adaptability/flexibility Rigid Structured Flexible Chaotic

Olson’s circumplex model, p. 70. Upstate Olson’s circumplex model, p. 70.

X X + + + + + + + + + X X There are nine Balanced types (+) and they are called Balanced because they are in the balanced range (3 central levels) on both closeness and flexibility. In our studies of families, about 2/3 (66%) of families fall into the Balanced types. Also, our studies have indicated that these Balanced types have the most healthy and happy families. The four Unbalanced types (X) are less common and the most extreme because they are Unbalanced on both dimensions of closeness and flexibility. Over 80% of families that have major problems in their family (like adolescent runaways, drug use and abuse, other types of abuse) and also those that come for family therapy fall into these four unbalanced types.

Family Beliefs and Ideology Upstate Family Beliefs and Ideology Family ideology - a ______belief system, central to guiding family _____, goals, and way of being Covey’s family _______ statement Mission statement would influence rules and rules lead to predictable behavior.

Upstate Our Marriage p.72 In our marriage we promise to work together and cooperate in love rather than be pulled apart by our differences. We realize that work, children, and other duties will often come between us but We promise never to allow this for long for we realize that the foundation of our lives is our loving relationship. So we pledge to honor our relationship, nurture our friendship, and sustain our love. Forever.

Upstate Our Family p. 73 Our family is a place where we will love, encourage, and nurture each other. We will teach each other about our similarities and differences and learn to appreciate and respect both. We will teach each other about the world outside the family so that we will be better prepared to meet the challenges of that world. We will know that the journey of life begins in closeness and involves a gradual separation over time. When we are close we will attempt to nurture and love so that when we separate we will feel confident in making our own way. So be it in our family.

Different Ideology Systems Upstate Different Ideology Systems Sometimes called family _________ Three types: 1. ______ – “right way” - traditional, parental authority, somewhat rigid 2._____ – flexible, tolerant, negotiates 3. _______ – few set schedules and rules, individual freedom What happens when these families experience problems? The ___________ principle – family tries harder, exaggerates it own character.

The Importance of Early Understandings Upstate The Importance of Early Understandings The Epigenesis Principle- what is done in the ______ stages in a relationship influences what can be and is done in later stages Concrete example When there is input that pushes for change opposing forces in the family system attempt to preserve the status quo. Morphostasis/morphostasis principle - the push to stay the same - attenuating/negative feedback Morphogenesis/morphogensis principle – the push to change – amplifying/positive feedback

Why is Change so Difficult in Families? Burr, Day and Bahr Upstate Why is Change so Difficult in Families? Burr, Day and Bahr Early rules have significant ________ and are associated with deeply felt ________ Many beliefs and feelings are __________ or partially unconscious A rule becomes a part of a complex web of rules; any attempt to change one rule has implications concerning other things.

Upstate Burr, Day, and Bahr state: (chap. 3, p. 77) “Anyone who thinks couples can go back and restructure the basic aspects of their relationship just does not understand the nature of family systems” “A few parts of relationships can be changed later, but a large number of things cannot, and it usually takes a great effort to make even small changes.”

Upstate Change Although change difficult, change does occur Some examples that produce change: - the birth of a first child, - your mother-in-law coming to live with you, - your child growing up and needing fewer rules Family not completely set or static Stability may characterize each day but some change does occur over time

Upstate What Produces Change? Expected Events – p. 78. Called ____________ changes- Are predictable, expected part of life Examples: Couple has first child Child going off to school Teenager learning to drive

The Family Life Cycle: Six Stages Upstate The Family Life Cycle: Six Stages The unattached young adult Marriage The family with young children The family with adolescents Launching children and moving on The family in later life (p. 79) Life course – many decisions and choices alter the life course. Thus, life can take many directions.

Other events which produce change . . . Upstate Other events which produce change . . . Unexpected Events: called ________________ changes – not an expected part of life course (p. 80). Examples: - husband seriously injured in auto accident - loss of job - child arrested for drug possession - adolescent announces he is gay - divorce - child becomes seriously ill.

Upstate Family does not usually have constant rate of change but tend to have periods of relative stability followed by change Periods of stability called ______ Periods of change called _________.

What Individuals Learn as Family Life Unfolds Upstate What Individuals Learn as Family Life Unfolds Judith Viorst’s Necessary Losses Roger Gould’s transformations False assumptions learned in childhood must be overcome Approximately 22-28 (false assumptions) 1) Life is fair 2) There is one right way 3) Others can do for me what I am unable to do for myself.

Upstate Later false assumptions 1) When I know something intellectually, I truly understand it 2) I understand those close to me quite well 3) I do not possess the undesirable characteristics of my parents 4) There are no real threats to my security.