Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints Eighth Edition Nijole V. Benokraitis © 2015, 2012, 2011 by Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Singlehood, Cohabitation, Civil Unions, and Other Options Chapter 4 Singlehood, Cohabitation, Civil Unions, and Other Options

Learning Objectives LO 9.1 Explain why many Americans are choosing not to marry or are postponing marriage LO 9.2 Describe the diversity of singles LO 9.3 Explain who lives alone and why LO 9.4 Explain why more people are choosing to be single

Learning Objectives LO 9.5 Compare racial and ethnic singles LO 9.6 Explain why cohabitation has increased LO 9.7 Describe same-sex relationships and explain why same-sex marriage is controversial

The Single Option Are Americans opting out of marriage? Many singles are postponing marriage

Never Married In this video Susan Ferguson talks about people who chose not to marry http://abavtooldev.pearsoncmg.com/sbx_videoplayer_v2/simpleviewer.php?projectID=MFL&clipID=ferguson_never_marrieds.flv

Are Americans Opting Out of Marriage? People choosing not to marry is resulting in a marriage problem People believe that being single is an attractive option People decide to marry at later ages

Many Singles Are Postponing Marriage Present tendency to delay marriage is the norm Especially for men Singles face enormous pressure from the society Many young people are pursuing a college education, preparing for a job or career, and spending more time in recreational or other activities before marrying. Hence are marrying late. Societal pressures People think there’s something wrong with you. Are asked over and over again whether they’re dating “someone special.” Parents drop not-so-subtle hints about having grandkids. Feeling invisible and not being invited to social or family activities with married couples unless it’s to be fixed up with one of the couple’s single friends.

Figure 9.1 - Many Americans Are Marrying Later Median age for marriage has increased. Source: Based on data from U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2012, Table MS-2, Estimated median age at first marriage, by sex, 1890 to the present, http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/marital.html (accessed July 27, 2013).

Question 1 Which of the following is a reason singles are postponing marriage? Pursuing a college education. Preparing for a job or career. Spending more time in recreational activities. All of the above

Question 1 Which of the following is a reason singles are postponing marriage? Pursuing a college education. Preparing for a job or career. Spending more time in recreational activities. All of the above

Question 2 A marriage problem is occurring in America because people are choosing to get married early. True False

Question 2 A marriage problem is occurring in America because people are choosing to get married early. True False

Singles are Diverse Single adults in general Single adults in later life

Single Adults in General Voluntary temporary singles Open to marriage but place a lower priority on searching for mates Voluntary stable singles Are single and satisfied with that choice Involuntary temporary singles Would like to marry and are actively seeking a mate Involuntary stable singles People who would like to marry or remarry but haven’t found a suitable mate Accept their single status as permanent Being single can be either freely chosen or unintentional, as well as either enduring or temporary. A person’s inclusion in these categories can change over time.

Single Adults in Later Life Become choosier about selecting a mate increases Double standard favors men Has its own advantages an disadvantages As people grow older, their tendency to become choosier increases as the pool for suitable people decreases. Double standard still favors men, decreasing the likelihood of their marrying older women. Older singles maybe lonely and unhappy. Married people develop extensive network of friends and family. Marriage may be satisfying, but it also limits one’s freedom. Never-marrieds don’t have to deal with the trauma of widowhood or divorce

Question 3 People who are open to marriage but place a lower priority on searching for mates are known as: Involuntary stable singles. Involuntary temporary singles. Voluntary stable singles. Voluntary temporary singles.

Question 3 People who are open to marriage but place a lower priority on searching for mates are known as: Involuntary stable singles. Involuntary temporary singles. Voluntary stable singles. Voluntary temporary singles.

Question 4 Double standards tend to fade as people grow older. True False

Question 4 Double standards tend to fade as people grow older. True False

Home Alone Who is living alone? Why do people live alone?

Who Is Living Alone? Patterns in singlehood Gender and age More women than men live alone Race and ethnicity Most people who live alone are whites Regional location Living alone is most common in big cities More women than men live alone. Women live about six years longer than men. They are less likely than men to remarry after a divorce or widowhood. If they enjoy good health and have enough income, they can care for themselves into their 80s and even their 90s. Members of other racial-ethnic groups such as Latinos, Asian Americans, and American Indians are more likely to live in extended-family households because of values that emphasize caring for family members and pooling financial resources to avoid poverty. “Singleton” households tend to cluster in urban areas.

Why Do People Live Alone? Reasons why people live alone They can afford it Emphasis on individualism Living longer and healthier lives makes it possible to live independently People have more options People don’t want to put their life on hold until they find suitable partner.

Question 5 Which of the following is a reason people chose to live alone? They are attached to their parents. Our values emphasize individualism. They are not sure if they will a have long enough life. They are not sure about their options.

Question 5 Which of the following is a reason people chose to live alone? They are attached to their. Our values emphasize individualism. They are not sure if they will a long enough life. They are not sure about their options.

Question 6 More men than women live alone. True False

Question 6 More men than women live alone. True False

Why More People are Single Macro-level factors Demographic influences Individual reasons Some myths and realities about being single

Never Married: Trends and Patterns The content talks about the marriage trnds in U.S http://www.socialexplorer.com/pearson/plink.aspx?dest=http%3a%2f%2fold.socialexplorer.com%2fpearson%2fspicemap.aspx%3fv%3d64e2b215bfa945ed%26m%3dplay

Macro-Level Factors War Technology Social movements Economy Gender roles Wars, besides devastating a country’s population of young men, many of the married become involuntary singles through widowhood. As a result of technological advances, many women postpone marriage because they believe that they’re no longer bound by the biological clock. Several social movements have also resulted in delayed marriage or shaped our definitions of acceptable relationships. Economic depressions, recessions, and unemployment tend to postpone marriage, especially for men. Employment increases a woman’s chances of meeting eligible men and may enhance her attractiveness as a potential contributor to a household’s finances. On the other hand, women with high salaries and education levels are often unwilling to settle down with men who earn less than they do. As gender roles change, so do attitudes about marriage and self-sufficiency. Men are no longer dependent on women for household work. Women to get a college degree and/or start their career before settling down because it’s difficult to juggle a career and a family.

Demographic Influences Sex ratio: Proportion of men to women in a country or group Marriage squeeze: Sex imbalance in the ratio of available unmarried women and men Social class Nonmarital childbearing Sex ratio Female infanticide: Intentional killing of baby girls because of a preference for sons. Social class Many unmarried couples postpone marriage because they feel that financial worries will increase tension, arguing, and the chances of divorce. Nonmarital childbearing Nonmarital births are now common. Many never-married mothers are likely to remain single because they can’t find a good husband.

Individual Reasons Waiting for a soul mate Being independent Enjoying close relationships and activities Making a commitment Having children Fearing divorce Being healthy and physically attractive Singles sometimes delay marriage because they’re waiting to meet their “ideal mate” or “one true love.” One of the biggest benefits of singlehood is independence and autonomy because single people can do pretty much what they please. Singles who are delaying marriage rely on peers rather than a spouse for support and companionship. Many men put off marriage because of stagnant wages and job losses, and they see marriage as a major economic responsibility that they don’t want to undertake. Because cohabitation and parenting outside marriage are widely accepted, singles of all ages feel less pressure to get married. Divorce or prolonged years of conflict between parents can have a negative effect on young adults’ perceptions of marriage. People with severe physical or emotional problems are also more likely to remain single longer or not marry at all.

Table 9.2 - Some Benefits of Marriage and Singlehood Sources: Based on Stein, 1981; Carter and Sokol, 1993; Klinenberg, 2012.

Some Myths and Realities about Being Single Singles are selfish and self-centered Singles are well-off financially Singles are usually lonely and miserable and want to marry Singles are promiscuous or don’t get any sex Singles’ children are doomed Singles worry about growing old and dying alone There’s something wrong with people who don’t marry Marriage tends to reduce community ties because married people are more immersed than singles in meeting their own needs. More singles than marrieds live at or below the poverty level. Singles who are successful and happy are rarely lonely or miserable because they have other single friends who enjoy mutual recreational activities such as traveling. Married people report being happier with their sex lives than do singles and have sex more frequently. However, singles have more sexual freedom without getting entangled emotionally or making a commitment. How children fare depends largely on a parent’s resources, the quality of parenting, and alcohol or other drug use. Because singles are more likely than married couples to be involved in family and community activities, they rarely worry about growing old and dying alone. There’s nothing wrong with being or staying single. Many singles simply believe that the disadvantages of marriage outweigh the benefits.

Question 7 Which of the following is a demographic influence leading to a delay in marriage? Gender roles. Economy. Social movements. Nonmarital childbearing.

Question 7 Which of the following is a demographic influence leading to a delay in marriage? Gender roles. Economy. Social movements. Nonmarital childbearing.

Question 8 Marriage squeeze is a sex imbalance in the ratio of available unmarried women and men. True False

Question 8 Marriage squeeze is a sex imbalance in the ratio of available unmarried women and men. True False

Racial and Ethnic Singles African Americans Latinos Asian Americans

Figure 9.4 - Changes in Marital Status, by Race and Ethnicity, 1970 and 2012 Sources: Based on Saluter, 1994: vi, and U.S. Census Bureau, “Families and living arrangements,” 2012, Table A1, http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/cps2012.html (accessed July 30, 2013).

African Americans Structural factors Values and attitudes Shortage of marriageable African American men Values and attitudes Homogamy limits the pool Poor women realize their shortcomings as a partner and opt out Women don’t consider marital commitment necessary to have a baby Compared with other groups, blacks are the most likely to be single, especially never married Many are postponing marriage, and higher proportion may never marry. Reasons for shortage of marriageable African American men Deteriorating employment conditions Occupational hazards in dangerous jobs Disproportionately large numbers of urban black men in their 20s and early 30s are in prison or jail or are victims of homicide. Most college-educated black women are reluctant to marry down.

Latinos Structural factors Values and attitudes Higher percentage of Latinos have not yet reached marriageable age Postponing for economic reasons Illegal or migrant workers have difficulty meeting eligible partners Values and attitudes Moving away from familistic values Latinas are generally less likely than black women to experience a shortage of marriageable partners, but singlehood is also increasing among Latinos. Familism - Encourages marriage and having children.

Asian Americans Have some of the lowest singlehood rate Includes Pacific Islander Structural factors Acculturation Values and attitudes Interracial marriages Intermarriage decreases singlehood rates, especially among Asian American women. Cultural values can also decrease the number of singles.

Question 9 A major reason for the high percentage of never-married black women is: Shortage of marriageable African American men. Familism. Intermarriage. A larger part of the African American population is not of marriageable age.

Question 9 A major reason for the high percentage of never-married black women is: Shortage of marriageable African American men. Familism. Intermarriage. A larger part of the African American population is not of marriageable age.

Question 10 Homogamy limits the pool of eligible mates across all races and social classes. True False

Question 10 Homogamy limits the pool of eligible mates across all races and social classes. True False

Cohabitation Cohabitation trends Types of cohabitation Is cohabitation replacing marriage? Who cohabits? Some benefits and costs of cohabitation

Cohabitation Benefits of cohabitation Does cohabitation lead to better marriages? How does cohabitation affect children? Cohabitation and the law

Cohabitation Living arrangement in which two unrelated people are unmarried but live together and are in a sexual relationship

Cohabitation Trends Cohabitation rates have risen but figures are still too low because: Census Bureau doesn’t tabulate all unmarried couples in a home Unmarried couples may be reluctant to disclose that they’re living together Cohabitation has become a pathway to marriage

Types of Cohabitation Dating cohabitation Premarital cohabitation Trial marriage Substitute marriage Dating cohabitation: Living arrangement in which a couple who spends a great deal of time together eventually decides to move in together. Serial cohabitation: Living with different sexual partners over time. Premarital cohabitation: Living arrangement in which a couple tests its relationship before getting married. Trial marriage: Arrangement in which people live together to find out what marriage might be like. Substitute marriage: Long-term commitment between two people who don’t plan to marry.

Is Cohabitation Replacing Marriage? Many young people don’t believe in cohabiting Cohabiting not viewed as a substitute for marriage Statistics indicate that cohabiting relationships are usually short lived Some people maintain that cohabitation is replacing marriage, but there’s little evidence to support such claims.

Marriage vs. Cohabitation In this video Pepper Schwartz talks about differences between marriage and cohabitation http://abavtooldev.pearsoncmg.com/sbx_videoplayer_v2/simpleviewer.php?projectID=MFL&clipID=schwartz_marriage_cohabit.flv

Who Cohabits? General patterns to cohabitation Age Gender Race and ethnicity Social class Religion About 34 percent of cohabitants are 18 to 29 years old, and another 35 percent are 30 to 44 years old. Approximately 26 percent of unmarried partners are 45 to 64 years old, and nearly 5 percent are 65 and older. Reasons why older couples avoid marriage They don’t want to blend their families or complex portfolios of assets. Remarriage may mean giving up a former spouse’s pension, alimony, Social Security, and medical insurance. Unpleasant divorces in the past. Grown children fear that they will be displaced in their parents’ affection—especially in their wills. By age 30, 74 percent of all U.S. women have cohabited. Daughters often follow their mother’s lead. Women whose mothers have a college degree or more are significantly less likely to cohabit than otherwise. Because of the shortage of marriageable men, many low-income, cohabiting black women don’t want to marry because they believe that their live-in partners will be unemployed, unfaithful, or not responsible for caring for children. Low-income white and Puerto Rican single mothers don’t marry their partner for the same reason. Cohabitation rates from high to low Latinas White women Black women Asian women Cohabitation is more common among people at lower education and income levels. The most religious Americans are less than half as likely to cohabit as those who seldom or never attend church because they believe that premarital cohabitation is immoral and increases the odds of divorce.

Some Benefits and Costs of Cohabitation Cohabitation is controversial subject Some believe that living together is immoral Others argue that it’s a normal part of life As in any other relationship, cohabitation has both benefits and costs.

Benefits of Cohabitation Pooling of economic resources Dissolving the relationship without legal problems Postponing marriage lowers likelihood of divorce

Benefits of Cohabitation Helps people find out how much they really care about each other Increases the chances of receiving care that is usually provided by spouses Children reap some economic advantages by living with two adult earners Costs of Cohabitation Cohabitants have a poorer quality of relationship and lower levels of happiness and satisfaction. People who cohabit often demonstrate more negative behaviors after marriage. Cohabitation dilutes intergenerational ties. Laws in the United States don’t specify a cohabitant’s responsibilities and rights. Cohabitants are more likely to break up if sexual frequency is low. Most cohabitants can’t receive a partner’s Social Security funds, pensions, estates, and financial aid for children in college.

Does Cohabitation Lead to Better Marriages? No concrete proof Following factors explain why living together may have negative marital outcomes Cohabitation effect Inertia effect Cohabitation effect - People may come to accept the temporary nature of relationships and to view cohabitation as an alternative to marriage. Inertia effect - After moving in together, a couple often makes numerous decisions that make it more difficult to break up pushing them toward marriage.

How Does Cohabitation Affect Children? Experience more domestic violence Are more likely to be poor Are in households in which the partners spend less on children Are more likely to experience a parent’s breakup Tend to have poorer health Have more academic, emotional, and behavioral problems Besides these difficulties, children often suffer the consequences of serial cohabitation or a parent’s breakup with a partner.

Cohabitation and the Law States rarely prosecute cohabitants who violate the laws Unmarried couples and their children have very little legal protection Best protection in financial matters is to maintain separate ownership of possessions Four states (Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, and North Dakota) still have laws on the books that prohibit opposite-sex cohabitation. When a cohabiting relationship ends, the legal problems can be overwhelming.

Question 11 A living arrangement in which a couple tests its relationship before getting married is known as: Dating cohabitation. Premarital cohabitation. Trial marriage. Substitute marriage.

Question 11 A living arrangement in which a couple tests its relationship before getting married is known as: Dating cohabitation. Premarital cohabitation. Trial marriage. Substitute marriage.

Question 12 Compared with married couples, cohabitants have a poorer quality of relationship and lower levels of happiness and satisfaction. True False

Question 12 Compared with married couples, cohabitants have a poorer quality of relationship and lower levels of happiness and satisfaction. True False

Gay and Lesbian Couples Gay and lesbian relationships The war over same-sex unions

Gay and Lesbian Relationships Love, sexuality, and commitment Most lesbians and gay men want an enduring relationship Power and division of labor Majority of gay and lesbian couples report having equal power in their relationship Like heterosexuals, homosexual cohabitants must work out issues of communication, power, and household responsibilities.

Gay and Lesbian Relationships Problems and conflict Experience the same problems as heterosexual couples Racial-ethnic variations Homosexual couples get less social support from family members Greatest rejection comes from racial-ethnic families Problems and conflict include Power Personal flaws Intimacy Physical absence

The War over Same-Sex Unions Same-sex couples have gained greater acceptance in six states Civil unions Alternative for marriage Grant all state-level spousal rights to same-sex couples, or domestic partnerships Same-sex marriages have been legalized as of 2013 Applicable for 13 states and Washington, DC Opposition to both civil unions and same-sex marriage is considerably higher among those who: Regularly attend religious services. Live in the South. Are age 65 and older. Have conservative views on family issues. Being unable to marry also helps explain why, among cohabitants, the breakup rate for same-sex couples is twice as high as for different-sex couples.

Reaction to Gay Marriage Ban The video demonstrates people’s feeling towards the ban on gay marriage in California http://media.pearsoncmg.com/ph/hss/SSA_SHARED_MEDIA_1/sociology/videos/Apcontent/reaction_gay_marriage.html

Question 13 Which of the following is true of gay and lesbian relationships? Sexual orientation has a direct effect on relationship satisfaction. Gay and lesbian couple do not face intimacy problems. Most gay and lesbian couples report having equal power in their relationship. Gay and lesbian couples get complete social support from family.

Question 13 Which of the following is true of gay and lesbian relationships? Sexual orientation has a direct effect on relationship satisfaction. Gay and lesbian couple do not face intimacy problems. Most gay and lesbian couples report having equal power in their relationship. Gay and lesbian couples get complete social support from family members.

Question 14 Civil unions grant all state-level spousal rights to same-sex couples but not to domestic partnerships. True False

Question 14 Civil unions grant all state-level spousal rights to same-sex couples but not to domestic partnerships. True False

Discussion Question Discuss the different types of cohabitation.