HOW TO HAVE BETTER SEX Family Life Week Wednesday February 4, 2015

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX We get married for the wrong reasons because we haven’t matured enough for the right reasons to exist yet. Struggling with wrong reasons for getting married can produce right reasons to stay married.” We get married for the wrong reasons because we haven’t matured enough for the right reasons to exist yet. Struggling with wrong reasons for getting married can produce right reasons to stay married.” David Schnarch David Schnarch

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX If we are proposing that there is something called better sex then we must confess that we are not doing as well in the bedroom as we should. If we are proposing that there is something called better sex then we must confess that we are not doing as well in the bedroom as we should. Some reasons Some reasonsBoredomLazinessNaivetéillnees

BETTER SEX There are three important terms to consider There are three important terms to consider Sexuality Sexuality Sex Sex Making Love Making Love

BETTER SEX Sexuality refer to our basic orientation as male or female. It includes what we think, how we think, and why we thing the way we do as male or female. It is not what we do but who we are. Sexuality refer to our basic orientation as male or female. It includes what we think, how we think, and why we thing the way we do as male or female. It is not what we do but who we are. The word sex refers to one’s gender – male or female. When people say they are having sex, this suggest that they are acting on their sexual urges by having sexual intercourse. The word sex refers to one’s gender – male or female. When people say they are having sex, this suggest that they are acting on their sexual urges by having sexual intercourse.

BETTER SEX For Christians having sex or making love is more than For Christians having sex or making love is more than a physical act. For animals it is just physical. For humans it is the total sharing of oneself with another person for the good of that person and a physical act. For animals it is just physical. For humans it is the total sharing of oneself with another person for the good of that person and It’s selfless. It dies to its own needs. It duplicates God’s love It’s selfless. It dies to its own needs. It duplicates God’s love

BETTER SEX Sex was God’s idea. It didn’t come as a result of the fall. Since it came from God it is not shameful or sinful once done as God prescribed. Sex was God’s idea. It didn’t come as a result of the fall. Since it came from God it is not shameful or sinful once done as God prescribed. God’s voice; Gen 1:31, 2:24, 2:25 God’s voice; Gen 1:31, 2:24, 2:25 This is what makes us different from the animals This is what makes us different from the animals

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX Animals act on instinct. They have seasonal sex, and anyone of it’s kind will do Animals act on instinct. They have seasonal sex, and anyone of it’s kind will do Some people behave like animals, anyone, anywhere, anyhow Some people behave like animals, anyone, anywhere, anyhow Better sex isn’t just about the physical satisfaction of sexual urges, but doing it in a one flesh manner as God prescribed. Better sex isn’t just about the physical satisfaction of sexual urges, but doing it in a one flesh manner as God prescribed.

BETTER SEX Big Questions Big Questions Is there emotional union? Is there emotional union? Is there spiritual union? Is there spiritual union? Can the act be sanctioned and ok in God’s sight? Can the act be sanctioned and ok in God’s sight?

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX We are created differently from the animals in two significant ways We are created differently from the animals in two significant ways We are created in His image – Gen 1:27 We are created in His image – Gen 1:27 We were created for relationship, first with him and with each other – Gen 2:18 We were created for relationship, first with him and with each other – Gen 2:18 Sex then is not just a means to and end; Sex then is not just a means to and end; It is more than to feel good, to satisfy ourselves, to ease tension, to enjoy pleasure. It is for God’s glory.

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX When sex is a means to an end anything can be the object of that means When sex is a means to an end anything can be the object of that means But when seen from God’s perspective it will be done as God prescribed it But when seen from God’s perspective it will be done as God prescribed it How did God prescribe it: How did God prescribe it: Male and female (monogamous) Gen 2:21 Male and female (monogamous) Gen 2:21 In the context of marriage Gen 2:24 In the context of marriage Gen 2:24

BETTER SEX Premarital sex is not God’s plan Premarital sex is not God’s plan Multiple partners is not God’s plan Multiple partners is not God’s plan Same sex partners is not God’s plan Same sex partners is not God’s plan Animals partners is not God’s plan Animals partners is not God’s plan Oneself as a partner (autoerotism) is not God’s plan Oneself as a partner (autoerotism) is not God’s plan

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX In the Garden of Eden Adam and Eve messed up and sin entered, everything including sex has been affected since sin entered. Sex has therefore been tarnished since the fall. Please observe that the mess came when they broke their relationship with God In the Garden of Eden Adam and Eve messed up and sin entered, everything including sex has been affected since sin entered. Sex has therefore been tarnished since the fall. Please observe that the mess came when they broke their relationship with God Gen 3:10 (they were afraid) Gen 3:10 (they were afraid)

BETTER SEX The Good News is that even though the relationship was damaged, Adam and Eve were not abandoned The Good News is that even though the relationship was damaged, Adam and Eve were not abandoned Gen 3:15 (Promise of a Savior) We have hope today in spite of our damaged lives, broken heart, and messed up relationships We have hope today in spite of our damaged lives, broken heart, and messed up relationships Restoration is in Relationship with God Restoration is in Relationship with God

BETTER SEX BETTER SEX Sex as God Sees it Sex as God Sees it Hebrews 13:4; Key words Hebrews 13:4; Key words Honorable – It’s great Honorable – It’s great Marriage bed – Coitus Marriage bed – Coitus This another word for sex Undefiled - pure Undefiled - pure

BETTER SEX Avoid spectatoring – Don’t become an anxious observer of self or partner. This results in performance anxiety making the sex act less satisfying. Avoid spectatoring – Don’t become an anxious observer of self or partner. This results in performance anxiety making the sex act less satisfying. Touch often, kiss often, communicate often Touch often, kiss often, communicate often Keep working on better marital relationship Keep working on better marital relationship

BETTER SEX CONCLUSION In Eph. 5:25 - Sex the way two people get involved with each other – the ecstatic, frantic, intense union that can occur in the marriage bed - is a symbol of the relationship between God and His Church. In other words it is a symbol of the way in which we can be intensely involved with God In Eph. 5:25 - Sex the way two people get involved with each other – the ecstatic, frantic, intense union that can occur in the marriage bed - is a symbol of the relationship between God and His Church. In other words it is a symbol of the way in which we can be intensely involved with God