Listening

We need listening the most in our lives, but learn it the least! What is the difference between hearing and listening? Listening is like breathing, a natural effort. True? Research shows that we only achieve 25-50% accuracy in the behaviors of others. True?

Components of listening: Selecting – Choosing a sound that competes for your attention. Attending/filtering – When do we “go nuts” with some noises? Dog barking? Understanding – Syntactic and grammatical rules Remembering – Why do we remember some things, but not others? Responding – In which model of communication is listening most important? What is the difference between external, physiological, and psychological noise?

Listening Problems Information overload Personal concerns Rapid thought External noise Pseudolistening –Stage hog –Selective listening –Gap filling –Insulated listening –Ambushing –Defensive listening Passive listening -lack of verbal response -when interjections are not appropriate -when receiver is free to talk without interruption

10 Worst Listening Habits-Nichols & Lewis (1954) 1.Uninterested 2.Delivery versus content 3.Overstimulated mind 4.Only the facts! 5.Outline mania 6.Faking it 7.Easily Distracted 8.Too hard 9.Closed mind 10.Wasting thought speed

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Questions (asking for specific information) Counterfeit Questions! Questions that trap the sender Questions that make statements Questions that carry hidden agendas Questions that seek correct answers Questions based on unchecked assumptions

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Sincere questions: Clarify meaning Strive to learn about others’ thoughts, wants, needs Are mostly open ended

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Paraphrasing (Mirroring Technique) Factual Information –Active listener uses a questioning tone. –Clarify facts before offering a reaction. Personal Information -Underlying message, find the feelings involved. -Think-feel-want -What happens if you paraphrase too quickly?

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Empathizing Lack of empathy: Denying others the right to their feelings Minimizing the significance of the situation Offering unrequested advice Passing judgment Self-defending Raining on the speaker’s parade (What is happening with us when we do this?) Four steps to empathic responses: 1. Understand your partner’s feelings 2. Ask questions 3. Reflect content by paraphrasing 4. Reflect feelings by paraphrasing

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Directive responses: receiver’s assessment of what the speaker just said; then state or imply what a receiver should do supportive agreement offers to help praise diversion putting things in perspective

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Analyzing: Giving advice Evaluating i.e., work appraisals –Sometimes helpful, sometimes not –Sometimes solicited; sometimes unsolicited –Was this a requested analysis or evaluation?

Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Informational Listening Separating content from speaker. Asking questions. Reserving judgment.

Final Thoughts: Active Listening Beware of readily imposing ideas Be “other oriented” Mix active listening with other responses Avoid phony responses Be willing to take the proper time