1 InterpersonalRelationships Basic Concepts

2 Boring... What is an IP Relationship?

3 Interpersonal relationship Interpersonal relationship – a series of interactions between two individuals known to each other “Good” interpersonal relationship “Good” interpersonal relationship – one in which the interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved What is an IP Relationship?

4 3 Types of Relationships 1.Acquaintances 1.Acquaintances – people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited 2.Friends 2.Friends – people with whom we have negotiated more personal relationships 3.Close friends or intimates 3.Close friends or intimates – people who like each other enough to seek each other out because they enjoy each other’s company and share their deepest feelings

5 Impersonal relationship Impersonal relationship – one in which a person relates to the other merely because the other fills a role or satisfies an immediate need Personal relationship Personal relationship – one in which people share large amounts of information with each other and meet each other’s interpersonal needs Connected Relationships

6 Relationships (Three Stages) Build Stabilize Deteriorate Based on the communication involved!

Feedback & Disclosure What is the difference?

8 Johari Window – Jo Luft & Harry Ingham OpenBlind SecretUnknown Known to self Not known to self Known to others Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

9 Johari Window Open Blind Secret Unknown Known to self Not known to self Known to others Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

10 Johari Window Open Blind Secret Unknown Known to self Not known to self Known to others Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

11 Johari Window Open Blind Secret Unknown Known to self Not known to self Known to others Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

12 Johari Window OpenBlind SecretUnknown Known to self Not known to self Known to others Not known to others W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76

Johari adjectives able accepting adaptable bold brave calm caring cheerful clever complex Confident dependable dignified energetic mature modest nervous observant Organized patient powerful proud quiet reflective relaxed religious responsive searching extroverted friendly giving happy helpful idealistic independent ingenious intelligent introverted kind Knowledgeable logical loving self-assertive self-conscious sensible sentimental shy silly spontaneous sympathetic tense trustworthy warm wise witty

Nohari negative variant adjectives incompetent violent insecure hostile needy ignorant blasé embarrassed insensitive dispassionate Inattentive intolerant aloof irresponsible chaotic vacuous passive dull timid stupid lethargic unhelpful brash childish impatient panicky smug predictable selfish unimaginative irrational imperceptive loud self-satisfied over dramatic unreliable inflexible glum vulgar unhappy inane distant foolish cowardly simple withdrawn cynical boastful weak unethical rash callous humorless

15 Beginning Relationships During the first stage of a relationship, (Building) communication focuses on:  Getting information  Initiating conversation  Keeping conversations flowing  Moving to more intimate conversation levels

16 Stabilizing Relationships  Stabilization occurs when each person in a relationship is satisfied with what they are receiving from the relationship.  Stability is maintained if both parties help create a positive communication climate.

17 Building a Positive Communication Climate  Encourage the mutual discussion of ideas  State what you see or hear in objective language  Share true thoughts and feelings  Suggest that ideas expressed are thought to be correct but may not be  Exclude any words or nonverbal signs that might indicate superiority.

18 The Gift of Confirmation “You matter to me.” RecognizeAcknowledge Endorse Basic Requirements for Healthy Communication!

Dialectic  “Any systematic reasoning process that juxtaposes opposed or contradictory ideas, seeking to resolve their conflict” Yin-Yang Relational Dialectics  Contradictory pulls in relationships.

20 Relational Dialectics (3) Autonomy/Connection I need my own space. I want to be close. Novelty/Predictability We need to do I like the familiar something new. rhythms we have. Openness/Closedness I like sharing so There are some much with you. things I don’t want to talk about.

Managing Dialectical Tensions  Temporal Selection – selecting one side of a dialectical contradiction for a period of time, ie. for a time suspend a side for the other.  Topical segmentation – separating situations as a way of managing dialectical tension, ie. treat topics differently.  Neutralization – compromising to partially satisfy needs, ie. find a middle of the road.  Reframing – putting less emphasis on the dialectical tension, ie. change your view on the differences.

Relationship Theories  IP Needs Theory - Psych. Wm. Schutz Whether or not a relationship is started, built, or maintained depends on meeting each other’s IP Needs. 3 basic IP Needs:  Affection  Inclusion  Control Underpersonal – Overpersonal - Personal Undersocial – Oversocial - Social Abdicrats – Autocrats - democrat

Relationship Theories – con’t.  Exchange Theory - Psych. Thibaut & Kelley Relationships can be understood in terms of the exchange of rewards & costs that take place during the IP relationship.  Rewards  Costs Outcomes that are valued by a person Outcomes that a person does not wish to occur Comparison Level of Alternatives

24 You must nurture relationships through supportive not defensive communication Defensiveness – a negative feeling or behavior that results when a person feels threatened.

25 DefensiveCommunication SupportiveCommunication  Evaluation  Description  Certainty  Provisionalism  Strategy  Spontaneity  Control  Problem Orientation  Neutrality  Superiority  Empathy  Equality. Examples of:

26 Relational Disintegration (Deterioration) The communication in deteriorating relationships is marked by three stages:  Recognition of Dissatisfaction  Process of Disengaging  Ending

27 Misguided Relationship Termination Strategies  Manipulation –  Manipulation – intentionally presenting evidence of a breach of faith, then leaving it to the other party to take direct action  Withdrawal/avoidance –  Withdrawal/avoidance – use of indirect methods to achieve the goal  Positive tone –  Positive tone – the intentional use of positive communication methods

28 Managing Dialectical Tensions  Temporal selection –  Temporal selection – selecting one side to support  Topical segmentation –  Topical segmentation – separating  Neutralization –  Neutralization – compromising  Reframing –  Reframing – taking a fresh approach – change your perceptions.

29 If communication is irreversible, do personal attacks ever serve a constructive purpose in a relationship?