How to talk to your Roommate

Go in Expecting Success Entering into a difficult discussion with an optimistic attitude can help set you up for success.

If you… Expect Success = An increased desire to see the problem resolved. Expect Failure = An almost absolute guarantee that it will get worse.

Make Eye Contact Looking directly at your roommate while you explain your take on a situation does a great deal to strengthen your message

If you… Have eye contact = connectedness, assertiveness, confidence in your message. Have lack of eye contact = anger, uneasiness, doubt and wishy- washiness.

Use “ ” Statements The word “I” in a statement lets you take ownership of your feelings. It removes the blaming tone and will decrease your roommate’s defensiveness. As a result, they are bound to listen better.

If you… Use “I” = “I was upset when I didn’t get the message that my coach called because I missed a special practice as a result.” Do not use “I” – “You made me miss my practice because you didn’t give me the coach’s message.”

Agree to Disagree… What does this phrase really mean? In part, it means that you can stand up for yourself without putting your roommate down. Your values are just as valid as theirs are – and theirs are valid too. There are going to be times when your values jive, leading you to agree on something. Yet, of course, there will be other times when your values are at odds, leading to a disagreement. So, agreeing to disagree means that, as roommates, you know you won’t always agree. You many not like what she believes and she may not like what you believe but, in the end, you respect one another’s right to expression.

Connect and be clear… As in any relationship, you and your roommate are bound to hit some rocky patches. And since you’re living in a residence hall setting where a culture of folks tend to get into one another’s business exits, it’s even more vital that you establish clear, healthy lines of communication.