Module 2 Improving Your Chapter 1

What’s Inside What’s a good writer? Style and Grammar in scientific writing Title Abstract Using Thesaurus Using and Developing Outline in Scientific Writing

A good writer A good writer thinks of writing as a process and not just as a product A good writer thinks, and thinks about thinking. A good writer takes time. A good writer revises.

The Passive Voice This deferment is acccomplished on the basis of evidence of record in each individual case. No group deferments are permitted. Deferments are granted, however, in a realistic atmosphere so that the fullest effect of channeling will be felt, rather than be terminated by military service at too early a time. Lucy was bitten by the vampire and transformed into a vamp. The vampire bit Lucy, transforming her into a vamp. It was arranged that Senator Flugelhorn be summoned before the subcommittee to answer certain charges which had been brought against him by his former aides. The subcommittee summoned Senator Flugelhorn to answer charges made by his former aides. More often, the active voice helps illustrate the agent and the effects of action.

Intransitive Verbs Intransitive verbs (be, exist, become) cannot cross over and take objects. Used too often, they flatten a sentence by announcing ideas rather than using them. Transitive verbs like have, get, go, used too often, dull the prose: There are many reasons why I came to Amherst, and one of them is that at Amherst there are more kinds of people than there were in my home town. In my home town of Gravel Switch there were mostly farmers and small businesspeople. Hardly any young people went to college, so when I had the chance to come to Amherst, I thought it was a good idea. Replacing there is, there are, etc. with active verbs also saves words: saving words makes the writing leaner and more muscular. Amherst appeals to me because it offers me the chance to meet different people from those in my home town. In Gravel Switch I knew mostly farmers and small businesspeople. Hardly any young people went to college. So when Amherst accepted me, I felt great. Rewritten with more active verbs, the passage shows more of the author's interest in his subject:

Adverbs Whom would you believe, someone who said simply: "I love you" or someone who said "I really and sincerely love you very much"? Think about it. The adverbs "really" and "sincerely" modify "love"—they are helping "love" along. "Love," then, needs help in this sentence. Perhaps the speaker is sincere, but his propping up the verb with two adverbs and an adverbial phrase ("very much") might make us doubt it. Adverbs, used effectively, say how, when, in what manner, place, and direction something happens or gets done. They add color and flavor to verbs: Fearfully she flipped on the light. They support adjectives: We were almost drunk. They give mood to whole sentences:

Hitchhikers, Babblers, and Jaw-Flappers Be careful of the following words: they gather other words around them, making your prose vague and rambling. Stretchy words: type unless it's The New York Times Large Type Cookbook, printed in large type. Don't say "It's The New York Times Large Type-type cookbook." to be as in "They thought him to be a jerk." different as in "many different" separate as in "each separate" cause as in "cause corruption" instead of "corrupt" individual students for students use as in "The use of alcoholic beverages is not allowed on the premises." (translation: "No Drinking Allowed.")

Windy and Pretentious Language A. Doubling "necessary and imperative" "crucial and important" "provocative and stimulating" "tasks and obstacles"

Windy and Pretentious Language B. Abstractions We cannot make a useful language without abstract words, because these words help make sense of relationships, qualities, and values (all three of these nouns are abstract words). Used vaguely or too often, however, they dilute meaning: It is my considered opinion that the focus, scope, and purpose of the developmental model be clearly delineated in order to guide and facilitate the implementation of central administrative concepts. All the nouns and verbs in this dazzling sentence derive from Latin. Without specific words, the sentence evaporates and the reader drops into a doze.

Bad Writing Another Example: Proposed Possible Preliminary Outline of Suggested Alternative Consideration for a Conceivable Tentative Recommendation

Clichés It gives me great hope to gaze out on the sea of upturned faces each shining with the bright light of the future, the promise that today is the first day of the rest of your life. For it is truly the young people of this great nation who must carry the torch for future generations and build the stepping-stones to a new heaven and earth. And that reminds me of a story I heard once.... To detect clichés in your own writing, you must first listen to yourself reading your words aloud. Underline all the words that sound too familiar, and ask what you mean to say. Asking what you mean may cause you problems, but it will begin the process of critical listening that good writers develop as a habit.

Jargon Jargon is the in-language of special groups or professions. Sometimes in-language is necessary. Try talking to a computer expert without using glitch, software, chip, floppy disk, and retrieval. Sometimes jargon is fun to use, especially when you're aware of the literal meaning hiding in the figurative one: I walked into the room where a lot of laid-back people were grooving on some low-key records. Max and Sharon and Tom and Barbara get pretty high on hash, and everyone dances a little and we do some liquid projections and set up a strobe and take turns getting a high on that. We were seeing the desperate attempt of a handful of pathetically unequipped children to create a community in a social vacuum.

Mixed Metaphors If you have a lot of money you can make people be nice to you. They want some of your money. They'll put sugar in your ears; they'll say what you want to hear. Here "sugar in your ears" suggests the "sweet nothings" people say to Teresa, but the metaphor also hints at something more sinister: stopping up the ears in order to rob the pockets. The superior silo-busting rocket capability will knock their strategy right out of the ballpark. The gaps in their political thinking make a smokescreen as long as your arm. The situation calls forth many obstacles. (creates, perhaps, but calls forth?) The dialogue will clear the way toward a new relationship. (dialogues may clear the air, but not the way)