Purposes of Communication 1. Getting Information Listening to adults Listening to children 2. Giving Information 3. Negotiating or Facilitating Change

Communication People typically communicate in one form or another for about 70% of their waking hours 10% writing 20-40% speaking 45-65% listening

Verbal behavior Paralanguage: the way people say things; prosodic features: Volume and tone of voice Emphasis on a word Rate of voice (level of energy, enthusiasm, interest; slow discouraged) Change of breathing, sign, blush, tears Where someone begins in an open ended question.

Language Content & sequence Small talk Communicating an interest Sharing information about self Intimacy

Communication’s first purpose 1. Getting Information

Unplanned Conferences Get comfortable Allow parent to vent Do not speak defensively Ask questions Avoid jargon Ask for parental suggestions Summarize and set goals-- a plan

Verbal behavior Purpose of Interview Closed questions 1st Open questions -- use silence and minimal encourages End: review major perspectives, repeat what you will do with information, express appreciation and assure confidentiality

Verbal Behavior to Avoid Do not Do not focus on the disability-- emphasize abilities Do not portray successful people with disabilities as superhuman Do not use generic labels such as “the retarded” or “the deaf” “the physically challenged” Do not imply someone has a disease instead of a disability by referring to them as being a “patient” or “case”

Vulnerabilities of parents Needing help and unaccustomed to inferior position/change of status Myth of parent less intelligent Inaccuracies of parents to blame Parent an adversary, pushy, or resistant

Nonverbal modes of communication body language use of space movements, posture positions of feet and legs when sitting use of furniture facial expressions eye contact gestures, mannerisms

Distance and Support Protections of school personnel Professional distance vs. normal human warmth Overly sympathetic may not help families mobilize strengths

Active Listening

Verbal skills Necessary 1. Leading skills--encourage elaboration Minimal encourages: oh, so, then, and? Do not jump around, or interrupt If you can think of something to say go back to what was said before

Paraphrasing Summarizing content Restatement in your words what other said Conveys you understand Checks on agreement between understandings (Is that right? Did I understand that?) Makes concise

Reflecting Tries to capture the emotional meaning or feelings Demonstrates you understand the other’s feelings (do not overinterpret) “Based on the what you said about this, it sounds like….”

Teams Person with a problem Active Listener: #1.encourages selectively, #2.paraphrases, and #3.reflects Observer/recorder (reports on examples of #1,2, 3) Switch roles

Listening to Siblings

Focus Professionals have been primarily concerned with the mothers’ views with little attention given to that of siblings. Siblings experience full range of feelings and emotions related to having a sibling with a disability

Sibling Feelings Fear Loneliness Anger Resentment Embarrassment Confusion Jealousy Pressure Guilt Frustration

Questions to Ask Siblings How did you become aware of your sibling’s disability Have you had any special responsibilities assigned to you as a direct result of your sibling’s condition? Do you volunteer to help your sibling or are you required to help? Is there a difference when the sibling is older or younger than you? Has the family become more or less united? What have been the financial effects on you, your education, your activities? Have you been included in plans made for your sibling? Are you anxious or fearful about a time when you may need to assume significant responsibility for him or her? Has having a sibling with a disability affected your social life, relationships, dating? Has his or her presence played a role in your choice of vocations?

“Why are siblings so unwilling to include us?”, “What makes them so angry and resentful?”, “Why don’t they talk to us?” The answer is: We needed to face ourselves and to get in touch with what was happening. This could only be done if we could be sure that we would: Not inflict pain on those that we loved Not be judged and found selfish, unkind, maybe even cruel Not have someone who would try to make us see the other side Be able to talk and to connect to someone who could truly understand

Sibling Roles A continuing, permanent relationship Socialization agent Long-term playmate and companion Learn the give-and-take process/to share Learn to resolve differences Serve as confidant and counselor

Ultimate Importance of Siblings 1. Family size is decreasing 2. Individuals are living longer 3. Families tend to move often 4. Young siblings spend greater amounts of time in settings supervised by nonparental adults 5. Greater pressure on young people to compete 6. Parents are experiencing more stress

Sibling Needs 1. Respect 2. Understanding 3. Information 4. Counseling 5. Training

Siblings can make wonderful teachers

REFERENCES Dr. Eric Berne a psychoanalyst from Canada. Took psychiatry off the couch and put into the hands of the layman. Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relations, Thomas A. Harris, M.D. - I’m OK, You’re OK: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis, Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward - Born to Win: Transactional analysis with Gestalt Experiments, The People Book: Transactional Analysis for Students, Alvyn Freed - T.A. for Kids (and Grownups Too), T.A. for Teens ( and Other Important People), A. Bry - The TA Primer: Transactional Analysis in Everyday Life, Ken Ernst - Games Students Play, and What to do About Them, 1973.

REFERENCES Hobbs, N. (1982). The troubled and troubling child. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers. Redl, F. (1959). The concept of the Life Space Interview. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 29, Wood, M.M., & Long, N. J. (1991). Life space intervention: Talking with children and youth in crisis. Austin, TX: Pro-ed.