Mate Selection Carolyn R. Fallahi, Ph. D.

Mate Selection around the world  Buss et. Al. – 9,474 Subjects 37 countries What do people want in different cultures? #1, #2, #3

Marital Expectations  Why high divorce rate? One theory – strong expectations Epstein & Eidelson – unhappy married couples expressed unrealistic expectations about marriage. Marriage quiz – Larson – students take it and 50% fail. Why? Perception of marriage. Less romantic notion – higher hit rate.

Theories  Behavior Exchange Theory Emphasizes the mastery of specific relationship skills Markman – followed engaged couples for 21/2 years Found positive communication was highly correlated with marital satisfaction 2 years later.

Theories  Developmental Construction View Emphasizes the history of relationships and the manner in which they are carried forward. Each partner has history with parents Each partner may have had a history with other relationships We bring our own issues forward and play them out in the relationship (Freud)

Howard Markman – handling conflict  Best way to strengthen marriage, Learn how to handle conflict Set ground rules Make a date for discussion and negotiation Focus on the problem Reserve the right to take a break Deal with obstacles Problem solve Have weekly meetings If cannot talk = get counseling

Marcia Guttentag & Paul Secord  Analyzed gender roles over historical time Women (marrying age) short supply? Men in short supply? Statistics  % women worked  % women worked  % women work Pursue careers “traditional” – 1/3