Listening “Seek first to understand… Then to be understood.” (Covey, 1997)

Listening is not a communication action, it is a human action. Understanding how to listen effectively is an essential skill that benefits everything from family life to business. Survey of personnel managers: Listening is most critical skill for working effectively in teams. Group members view people who listen well as good leaders.

Introduction and Overview What listening IS NOT: Hearing vs. Listening Faulty listening behaviors Reasons for poor listening

What listening IS: Stages of successful listening Pages 113, 114 Personal listening styles Pages 123, 124 Informational listening Pages 124 - 131

What Listening IS NOT Hearing vs. Listening: Hearing: Listening: “Sounds waves strike the ear drum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain.” Automatic and effortless Listening: “The brain gives the sounds meaning.” Unnatural, requires effort

Faulty listening behaviors Pseudo listening: Imitation or fake listening. Pretending to listen. Selective listening: Responding only to the parts of a speakers remarks that interest the receiver and rejecting everything else. Defensive listening: Taking innocent comments as personal attacks.

Faulty Listening, cont. Ambushing: Insulated listening: Using listening skills to collect information to use for an attack on the speaker. Insulated listening: Avoiding a particular topic. Insensitive listening: Unable to look beyond words for other meanings.

Faulty listening, cont. Stage Hogging: Attempting to turn the conversation to oneself.

Reasons for Poor Listening Requires Effort: listening is hard; it is not natural Message overload Rapid thought Psychological noise Physical noise

Reasons for Poor Listening, cont. Hearing problems Faulty assumptions Cultural differences Media

What Listening IS: Listening Defined Listening: Occurs when the brain gives the sound transmitted meaning. Listening is not like breathing It is unnatural It requires effort

What Listening IS: Stages of Successful Listening 1. Attending: Paying attention to a signal 2. Understanding: Process of making sense of a message 3. Responding: Giving observable feedback to the speaker Shows you care - verbal and nonverbal 4. Remembering Residual Message: What is remembered Only 25% of original message after two months

Personal Listening Styles Content-Oriented: Interested in the quality of the message. This style is useful when looking at a wide range of perspectives and options. People-oriented: Concerned with creating and maintaining positive relationships

Personal Listening Styles, cont. Action-Oriented: Concerned with the task at hand. Useful for business needs. Time-oriented: Most concerned with efficiency.

Informational Listening Used when one wants to understand another person. The goal is to receive the same thoughts that the other person is trying to convey.

Informational Listening, cont. Don’t Argue or Judge Prematurely Listen to the other person first Try to understand his/her viewpoint Evaluate Argue or agree

Informational Listening, cont. Separate the message from the speaker “Don’t kill the messenger” There may be truth in the message even from an undesirable messenger.

Informational Listening, cont. Be open to finding a gold nugget Look for the big ideas and main points Ask questions Open ended - Require an explanation Closed - “Yes” or “No” Paraphrase: Restate in your own words what you believe that the speaker said. Take notes

Critical Listening Judging the quality of a message and deciding to accept or reject it. 1. Listen for information first 2. Evaluate the speakers credibility - check the source 3. Examine evidence and reasoning 4. Remove emotion

Empathetic Listening Stages of listening (Covey, 1997) Ignoring Pretend listening Selective listening Attentive listening Empathic listening: The first step to understand someone

Empathetic Listening The goal is to build a relationship or help solve a problem. This style of listening has the most respect for the other’s point of view.

Empathetic Listening Ways to practice empathetic listening: 1. Advising: Offering suggestions 2. Judging: Looking for constructive judgments 3. Analyzing: Interpreting the speaker’s message

Empathic Listening, cont. 4. Questioning: Helps sort out problems 5. Supporting responses 6. Prompting: The goal is to help the speaker draw conclusions for him/herself 7. Paraphrasing: Restating in your words what you think is the speaker’s message.

Helping - When and How Choose the best helping style based on: Situation based on what the person needs: Advice Encouragement and support Your analysis or judgment Probing questions and paraphrasing to help him/her find own answers

Helping - When and How Choose the best helping style based on: The other person’s most likely reaction to your help. Some people: Appreciate direct advice Want you to make the decision for them Are defensive and aren’t capable of receiving analysis or judgments. They lash out and want to “kill the messenger.” Can’t think through the problems clearly even with the use of probing and paraphrasing.

Summary Five Step Process Identify and refute myths about listening Conclusion: Effective listening is a necessary skill to be successful Five Step Process 1. Hearing 2. Attending 3. Understanding 4. Responding 5. Remembering

Summary continued Ineffective types of listening Pseudo Selective Defensive Ambushing Insulated Insensitive Stage Hogging

Summary continued Challenges that make effective listening difficult Effort Message (Information) Overload Rapid Thought Psychological Noise Physical Noise Hearing Problems

Summary continued Challenges that make effective listening difficult Wanting to talk more than to listen Cultural differences Media influences

Summary continued Personal Listening Styles Content-Oriented Evaluate the quality of ideas People-Oriented Creating and maintaining positive relationships Action-Oriented Want to decide what response is required by a message Time-Oriented Efficiency, Meeting deadlines

Summary continued Three types of listening 1. Informational Goal: Understand another person’s ideas Use active listening P & P 2. Critical Goal: Judge the quality of an idea 3. Empathic Goal: Help the speaker, not the receiver