NEGOTIATION PROCESS ACTIVE LISTENING INSTRUCTOR: PROF.Dr. Azize ERGENELİ SUNUM TARİHİ:14 MART 2007

WHAT IS LISTENING? If you ask a group of people to give a one word description of listening, some would say hearing.

BUT LISTENING… Is following and understanding the sound---it is hearing with a purpose.

DEFINITION OF LISTENING The process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention

Listening vs. Hearing Hearing- physical process; natural; passive Listening- physical & mental process; active; learned process; a skill Listening is hard! You must choose to participate in the process of listening.

Listening is a conscious activity based on three basic skills: 1) Attitude 2) Attention 3) Adjustment

Strive to pay Attention 1)Attitude Maintain a constructive Attitude 2)Attention Strive to pay Attention 3)Adjustment Cultivate a capacity for Adjustment

Empathy What is it: reflection of content and feeling at a deeper level Purpose: To try and get an understanding of what may be deeper feelings

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW EMPATHIC LISTENING DIFFERS FROM THE OTHER TYPES OF LISTENING… A computer instructor explains with enthusiasm how to use a new word processing program

Focuses on the Program She certainly enjoys teaching this word processing program. I think she would enjoy teaching any subject. She seems very impressed with the usefulness of this new version.

Focuses on Person her feelings about teaching the importance to her of teaching this particular program her evaluation of the program

Empathizing Empathizing does not mean you need to agree with your partner Empathizing does not mean you need to give in to your partner Empathizing means you do not dismiss what your partner says as ridiculous or silly.

It is easy to know when you are being empathic because: 1. Your body language and tone match 2. Your tone and your feelings match 3. You are focused on what your partner is saying and meaning.

Listening is needed everywhere… Listening skills form the basis of: Continued learning Teamwork skills Management skills Negotiation skills Emotional intelligence

… But not practiced effectively 70% of all communication is Misunderstood Misinterpreted Rejected Distorted Not heard

Listening is an active process that has three basic steps. Hearing Understanding Judging

TYPES OF LISTENING 2. Selective listening. 3. Active listening 1. Inactive listening. 2. Selective listening. 3. Active listening 4. Reflective Listening

Active Listening

WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING? A way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. A way of paying attention to other people that can make them feel that you are hearing them This type of listening is called active because it requires certain behaviors of the listener.

WHY LISTEN ACTIVELY? Our brain works four times the speed that someone can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so that your mind doesn’t wander. It enriches you and those around you, and guides other areas of your life. It can build trust and respect between people, and prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict, frustration or hurt feelings. While listening to other people’s point of view, you may just learn something new and fascinating!

Do you know these? We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 20% of the time, we remember what we hear More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success Less than 2% of people have had formal education with listening

BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING It forces people to listen attentively to others. It tends to open people up, to get them to say more. Shows empathy Builds relationships

The Main Goals to Active Listening Maximize your understanding of the other’s perspective Minimize their defensiveness (and your own, too)

KEY CONCEPTS OF ACTIVE LISTENING 1. Display involvement in what the person is saying 2. Carefully observe the person speaking 3. Resist distractions 4. Try to stay focused on what is being said 5. Ask for clarification of anything that you do not fully understand 6. Delay making judgments about what is said.

Active listeners speak 30% of the time and listen 70% of the time Active listeners speak 30% of the time and listen 70% of the time. Sometimes, we have to try hard not to interrupt – the only acceptable reason is to clarify or confirm what has been said.

Why is active listening difficult? When people are preoccupied with current life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard for them to listen. Anxiety can make it hard to listen. Being angry at the person who is talking also makes it hard to listen. Having an idea in mind of what a person “should do” makes it hard to listen to that person's point of view.

ACTIVE LISTENING BARRIERS EXTERNAL BARRIERS INTERNAL BARRIERS Internal Barriers Within The Listener Internal Barriers Within The Speaker

External Barriers noises clutter other interruptions

Internal Barriers Within the Listener Comparing Personal Experience Automatic Talking Mind-Reading Judging Day Dreaming Perceptual Errors

Barriers Within the Speaker Expectations Avoidance Speaking in Code Boundary

When to Use Active Listening Inappropriate Routine interactions Physical emergencies Appropriate Organizational Crises Conflict situations Giving and receiving feedback Brainstorming, problem solving Seeking peers’ cooperation

STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING 2) Question 3) Reflect-Paraphrase 4) Agree

Step 1: Listen To Feelings As Well As Words Focus on Speaker Words – Emotions -- Implications Focus on Speaker Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted What Is Speaker Talking About? Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others? Look At Speaker Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers

Opening door to good conversation shows an interest… Opening door to good conversation shows an interest…. But it must be done sincerely, without judgment. 1) Verbal&non-verbal encourages 2) Non-verbal behavior

1 ) Encouragement Convey interest and Keep the person talking. Concentrate attention upon the speaker Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal words in a positive tone of voice. Repeat one or two words of the person's previous statement. Be aware of your body language! Use varying voice intonations

Use varying voice intonations “I see” “Right” “Uh huh”… “Okay” “Sure” “Yeah” “Yes” “Wow” “Really?”

2)Non-Verbal Behavior Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques: Maintaining appropriate eye contact with the interviewee. Occasionally nodding affirmatively to display understanding and interest. Using expectant pauses to indicate to the interviewee that more is expected

The various forms of NVC touch sound smell timing and speed of delivery of speech proximity posture dress eye contact gestures facial expressions use of silence

Communication through Eyes

2.Question 3 Purposes Demonstrates you are listening Gather information Clarification When you asked some questions: Show interest Encourage more explanation Keep the person talking Ask questions but not too many

Types of Questions 1) YES/NO QUESTIONS 2) OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS 3)PROBING OR FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS 4) LEADING QUESTIONS

1)YES/NO QUESTIONS(Closed questions) This type of question involves asking a question that requires only a "YES" or "NO" response

2)OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS: Observation: "What happened?" Meaning: "What do you mean?" Affect: "How do you feel?" Motive: "What do you want?" Action: "What will you do?"

3)PROBING/FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS Asking another question to clarify or obtain further information about a interviewee’s response.

4)LEADING QUESTIONS Phrased to indicate a preferred response Indicates the auditor asking the question isn’t objective

Other Questioning Tips Avoid asking multiple questions at once. Generally, it’s best to start with open questions Best questions are short, clear, objective. Ask questions in logical order. Allow for quiet, thinking time. Limit why-questions. Take notes.

Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase In that step we will use another techniques for active listening; Reflecting Reframing Paraphrasing Acknowleding Summarizing

REFLECTING Reflect What Is Said (In your words) Reflect Feelings

REFLECTING WHAT IS SAID

REFLECTING FEELINGS Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say “You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your voice, you seem upset, correct?”

“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match the person’s words. OR just as a check… “Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR “I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?” Hold a “mirror” up to the other person – describing how they look or act….

2.REFRAMING Why You Do It? How You Do It? to help the other person see their concerns in a new light to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs or interests to diffuse negative feelings to establish the focus for resolution How You Do It? recognize underlying needs re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive past → future; problem → opportunity; interpersonal → system rights/wrongs → impacts positions → interests singular → multiple

REFRAMING(cont.) Concern: “She always talks to everyone else but me when there is a problem.” Reframe: “It sounds as if you would like more direct communication to resolve concerns.”

3.PARAPHASING PARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content. EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right. You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right” When you get a clue about why the person is feeling as he or she does, put the message into your own words:

CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.

4. ACKNOWLEDING FEELINGS Problem Solving Might Not Work In the Face of Strong Feelings FEELINGS Problem Solving Acknowledge Feelings May Need Acknowledgement Before Effective Problem Solving Kindergarten story – son it’s the law

5.SUMMARIZE Why You Do It? to review progress to pull together important ideas and information to establish a foundation for further discussion How You Do It? restate the central ideas and feelings you have heard Example: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of your experience at this point…” “So basically what is most important to you is…”

Step 4: Agree Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It! Solution Is Near!

Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

“A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” Kenneth A. WELLS

Are You a Good Listener? Do you frequently think of other things when others are talking to you? Do you doodle, shuffle papers, look at the clock or out the window, read the newspaper,or watch TV? Do you silently argue with the talker? Do you only selectively hear ideas that fit your beliefs? Do you feel most people have little to talk about that is interesting or important? Do you listen passively without any facial expressions? Do you frequently interrupt others as they are speaking? Do you complete sentences or ideas for people when they pause to think? Do you silently criticize characteristics of the speaker: voice, looks, manner of speaking? Do you have to ask people to repeat what they said because you have forgotten?

ACTIVE LISTENERS Be there Listen carefully to the person Accept the person and his/her feelings Stay with the other person's point of view without becoming that person Trust the person enough to keep out of it

ACTIVE LISTENING &NEGOTIATION Active listening is important for identifying and creating negotiating goals, because listening helps to orient the negotiator to the environment.

Because people do not learn much while they are talking, negotiators should attempt to talk less than 50% of time.

In negotiation, there are FOUR major reasons to listen: 1 In negotiation, there are FOUR major reasons to listen: 1.To learn the other side’s proposals and strengths; 2.To discover the needs of constituents and teammates 3.To discern subtle position changes and openings; and 4.To show other side that their proposals are understood.

CONCLUSION Listening is a critical communication skill for managers and consultants, as well as for all of us in our personal lives. You can't negotiate effectively until you understand what the other person wants. Active listening, is crucial to achieving your ultimate communication objectives. Active listening is a skill that, like other communication skills, must be developed . By practicing you can develop these skills.